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    liznaidoo's Avatar
    liznaidoo Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 14, 2010, 12:03 PM
    Dating a divorced man with 3 children
    I have been dating this man for a month now and I am also a divorced mother of 2.

    My problem is that the man I'm dating is afraid of a commitment. He tells me that his exwife and he had made a decision to be a family as much as possible, but he always stresses that he cannot stand her and they do not communicate. We only see each other once a weekend, he does not tell me much about his family or kids and usually spends a Friday with me and drives down to be with his family very early on a Saturday.
    He calls me everyday and text messages me but that is about all. He always tells me that
    Cares for me and worries about me. We are in a relationship but I just feel that sex is not all. I have made it plain in the beginning that I would later like a commitment... Im at wit end here. What do I do?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Feb 14, 2010, 12:13 PM
    The problem is your looking for a commitment from a guy you have been dating for a month. That's crazy as hell.

    Relax and get to know the guy better without this forever commitment stuff... or sex.

    Dating is for fun, relationships are about mutual fun, and commitments come later. Much later, after a year at least.

    What's your hurry? Slowdown, or you might miss something important that you need to know.

    Honestly you will take the fun out of dating, and forget a relationship!
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #3

    Feb 14, 2010, 12:17 PM
    It sounds like his ties to his ex and their children together, are far stronger than his commitment to you.

    It does not sound like he has room for another family.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Feb 14, 2010, 12:30 PM

    It looks like first
    He: has not separated his ex and his kids as a package. He goes down to visit "them" why he is not getting his kids and not visiting his ex.
    He has not moved on and has not gotten over his ex yet to really be in any long term relationship.

    YOU:, it has been a month, and you see him one day a week? It should not even be any talk of commitment, and really not even sex yet, just dating and getting to know each other.
    dynocompe's Avatar
    dynocompe Posts: 331, Reputation: 56
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    #5

    Feb 14, 2010, 02:32 PM

    So he is just seeing you every Friday for sex? To me it sounds like he uses you for sex.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Feb 14, 2010, 07:24 PM
    Too much, too soon, too much baggage.

    It's only been a month - why are you expecting a commitment? Give the poor guy a break, he's trying to do his best and keep the family together that he just separated from.

    If you've only been together a month and you see him at weekends that means you've seen him around 4 times. It's hardly enough time to know him at all, and certainly not enough time to call it a relationship.

    Either enjoy the time you have together and keep your expectations to a minimum, or find someone that's emotionality and physically available.

    This guy's priorities are still somewhere else.
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
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    #7

    Feb 15, 2010, 10:52 AM

    It was a bad idea to start a relationship with a guy that doesn't want the same thing you do: commitment. You should've thought this over before you and your children became emotionally involved with this guy.
    Sit down and talk with him. If he can't be committed, don't waste your time. Love=commitment. Plain and simple.

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