[InitialDori]

We met each other 3 years ago. We felt this bond together. We were madly in love. Then 10 months ago we got engaged.

Lately I was feeling empty inside because of how my parents told me I should do(very influential in my relationship). Friends etc.
I couldn't make up my mind.
She was asking me to change many many times.

So A month ago we had a series of fights where I was telling her she needs to learn how to cook, help more etc etc.

Really I was talking to myself, I had to change!
So she got fed up, she asked for a week break. I didn't listen to her. I would contact her every 2-3 days. Then I came over to her house and she broke up with me. Then I lost it, I was emotionally killed.

During 3 weeks I moved out to get rid of parents' influence. And find my peace and actually change. But it was hard to not to contact her. So I did.
I would show up to her house, in school, send her letters, terrorize her friends, talk about it. She got upset. I did a LOT of pushing.

So 9 days ago she came over and picked up her stuff and said she needs 3-4 months, or 6 months or 1 year or 2 year. She doesn't know.
I begged her to come back numerous times, it only made things worse.
She actually wanted to come back, but how I was pushing her away she was only getting more solid on her decision. I dug my own grave. As she was leaving after she picked up her stuff from my house she was crying. But she didn't give me the ring back. Although asked me and I said keep it for now to see if she changes her mind.

Now I am doing NC rule for 9 days and bought a book and kind of calculated that 45 days is a somewhat good number to give to myself.
She was crying as she was leaving my place. We love each other and she told me I need to change.
So I honestly have. It was scary and very sad on how much I had to change. I changed for myself. I got new friends. New hobbies and moving on with my life. I discovered how strong of a person I am and very happy about it.
But right now the only person I have truly ever loved is not around me. So I am wondering DO I EVEN HAVE A CHANCE?

After all of the pushing I did? I have doubts that she'll call me, I thing she is firm on her decision now.

But I hope that after NC days I can show her the change, not just tell her. I started doing things I love to do, volunteering with children. Started learning Spanish(its her language). Got really well in university.
Got really responsible and read many many books on codependency, resentfulness, control of other people. She really did stick around me trying to change me for a long time. But she got fed up.

What do you think? Do I stand a chance?
I can't really move on completely right now, I move on with my life. But I am not interested in anyone else but her, if you know what I mean.
What Do I do?

[amicon]

You carry on as you are-improving yourself and moving on with your life.
Stick to no contact-its for you to heal from the breakup,not to get somebody to come back.
Good luck.

[redhed35]

9 days is not a long time to change,but it's a good start,perhaps consider an anger management class.

Continue with no contact with a view to not getting back together,don't set a time limit.

She has walked away,it sounds like you frightened her with your behaviour.

Continue to work on yourself,your taking the right steps.

[Imabadman]

You've got a lot of work to do. Don't fool yourself, you didn't change a thing in 9 days. Nor will anyone believe it.

For right now you need to just let her go and live her life and you live yours. You can't wait around on false hope.

She may or may not come back. If she does, there's a chance there is love there yet to build upon. If she doesn't you have your answer. You've already see what your 'stalkerish' behavior has done, time to man up.

[InitialDori]

Actually its been over a month that I have been changing. Right from the day she asked for a break.
I have all of the excuses.
I went to get help from family and friends, and they told me to do things and some I did listen to, and some I didn't. Turned out to be all wrong...

[redhed35]

Actually its been over a month that I have been changing. Right from the day she asked for a break.
I have all of the excuses.
I went to get help from family and friends, and they told me to do things and some I did listen to, and some I didnt. Turned out to be all wrong...

That's the thing about advice,you don't have to take it.

People give advice based on their own education and life experiences,what works for some may not work for others,for me the trick is,listen,see how the advice can benefit you and what works in your favour to improve your circumstanes.

Going no contact has many benefits,but its not magic,and it does not happen overnight,it's a tried and tested formula and it works!

Change takes time, self improvement takes time,and healing takes time.

[pureorganic]

Keep the NC man... she definetely knows where you stand and she definetely knows how you feel. The only thing you can do is let go and start healing and continue the things you are doing to better yourself.. its up to her if she wants to come back you can't fight for someone if they don't want to get in the ring with u. be strong, be true and be you.

[InitialDori]

I keep a positive attitude. I am no quitter. NC rule is a must, the more I do NC, the more I realize of how much she needs her space to heal. As much as I need to heal, settle my emotions, get strong, get back to life. Be funny and positive.
I know I made mistakes, and she is VERY understandable.
I am truly wonderful guy and always supported her. So I don't give up on hopes, but I let go.

Thank you guys for your wonderful words, I am focusing on life and fun. No matter what happens this change is a really wonderful thing to me, I started to live a life, not living a lie.
The truth pill was hard to swallow, but the effect is worth every bit of it. Unfortunately I hurt her, and that's what hurts the most, I hurt the most the one I truly loved...

Emotions destroy, logic fixes things. Right now I'm running between two of those, I am nowhere near being in a cold solid logic state...

[talaniman]

I think your on a good path and should stay on it, no matter what happens with her.

When you are ready, you may even see other options and opportunities that you couldn't see before.

[InitialDori]

No matter what, I know of what kind of bond and relationship we've had. I never give up my hopes. Ill be working on myself, and I strongly believe in destiny. If we're meant to be, we will end up together.
I am by no means a stalker.