[fluffymoose]

My boyfriend's female friend is making me mad with jealousy.

I simply do not know what to do. I have been in a relationship with Charles for a few months and it has been going wonderfully- he loves me completely and I feel the same, and he says he would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. I have never had a problem with any of his friends, male or female.

Until Lucy. Lucy met Charles a few months before me and him met. He claims they have only been friends and never had a sexual relationship of any sort. He told me that he has been over to her house before, she cooked and they watched a DVD, but nothing sexual. I have no reason to believe this is a lie, because it was before we met and I made it clear if there was a sexual past I was willing to accept it without judgement.

Lucy strips in a nightclub for a living and is insanely beautiful. I think this is the point in which the jealousy is really creeping in. Because although Charles says he respects me and will not hang out with her in his or her private homes, they still have lunch and sometimes go out for drinks with other friends in the evenings.

I have never felt this pang of jealousy in all my life. I know it sounds hard to believe, but I honestly do trust my boyfriend never to do anything sexual with her behind my back, I think it's more of the bonding that is making me seethe green. He has every right to be friends with this woman just like anyone else, but how can I deal with this without feeling so jealous? I can't stop thinking about the fact she is a stripper!

Any constructive thoughts would be helpful. Thank you.

[CarrotTalker]

Are there any particular actions or behaviors he does that makes you feel jealous?

It sounds like when you asked him questions about it, he gave pretty straight forward, calm answers and tried to do things that would make you more comfortable (such as not hanging out in their houses).

[fluffymoose]

Well he told me she has had breast implants, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable and he if he is going out with a group of friends and she is included he usually avoids mentioning that she will be there. Today, for example, he told me he was going out with 'friends from work', and she does not work with him, but was attending.

[CarrotTalker]

Have you ever asked if he could invite you to go out with friends?

[talaniman]

The way you describe her, I would be jealous too! But you have to realize its you and not her. These are your feelings to deal with, and I have to admit it won't be easy. For starters, don't get so carried away by those feelings they lead to impulsive thoughts and actions for no reason. Look at yourself, and see why your jealous, and no doubt insecure, when clearly she is a friend, and you're his partner.

While its natural to be jealous of someone you THINK has more going for them than you do, realize its only superficial.

She is his friend, so may I ask why she is not yours also? Many times we are only jealous of people because we don't really know them. Get some facts about her as a person, before you just judge her by her boob size.

[emopunk7]

Tal makes some great points. Your boyfriend seems to be honest and at least that's a good. Plus, he made a few compromises in stating that seeing each other privately will not occur. Jealousy is not a good thing but somewhat understandable. The fact that he has hidden her presence in the outing, would bring about the jealousy even more. Nonetheless, he may have done it because he knows you will be upset. Though he didn't lie, he did omit something important to you.
Okay, sit down with him and tell him that you appreciate how wonderful he has been thus far and it keeps you happy. Tell him while you respects all of his friends, you are wondering why he didn't mention why she was going. If he says it's because you would be upset or he forgot, let him know that you don't want to be suspicious of anything, especially since you trust him a lot and would love to continue doing so, but to please not lie or omit things.
There is really nothing else to say and for the most part you have to trust that he will continue being honest. After you talk to him, you can't check up on him and make sure he is telling the truth. You have to TRUST him! After all, the truth always comes to light, so if there anything to know, eventually you will. Still, I am positive nothing is going on!
On the bright side, you are far more beautiful since you are his woman. Your beauty to him is far beyond any other if he loves you, so fear not and go be sexy!

[I wish]

I think you're putting a lot of weight on her looks and occupation to fuel your jealousy. If she wasn't attractive and was a high school drop-out, would you still be jealous?

But at the same time, jealousy is a natural feeling.

I suggest two approaches. First of all, if you trust your boyfriend, then let him have his on friendships. He's already compromising by sticking to neutral settings when he sees her.

At the same time, I suggest you let your concerns known to him (if you haven't already done so), because it's not healthy for you to bottle up so much fustration, that doesn't seem fair to you.

[fluffymoose]

I just wanted to thank you all for your swift replies and very constructive comments. I took the advice on board and had a chat with him. He explained he tries to avoid telling she might be attending gatherings because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. I explained that while that is him trying to be thoughtful, It would cause me less suspicion if he was just honest. He agreed to never lie about her again. I also explained that I understand they occasionally text each other as well, and that is completely fine.
I know my insecurities are seeming very petty, and I can see this myself, I have just never felt insecure by a woman before and so I am trying to deal with it so it does not cause my boyfriend too much anxiety.

[I wish]

As long as you continue to be transparent with each other. Keep the lines of communication open. Honesty is the key. Compromising and mutual understandings.

Though it may seem like I'm only listing out words, if you follow them closely, it can take you a long way in the relationship.

[Romefalls19]

It's more than apparent you are insecure, especially with her. But tell me something, if she didn't have a boob job and worked a normal 9-5 would you still be this threatened by her?

Explain to him how you feel, communication is the key to any successful relationship.

[emopunk7]

So it seems you took my advice and it all went well! Now it's time to trust him and know you are the important one! You are his girlfriend and he is yours! Good job and throw that green away! It's sooooo ugly! You are not so go be sexy!