[Cook87]

Threads merged.

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

I am 22 years old and my "ex" girlfriend is 20 we have bin together for the last 2.5years and hae now broken up my ex told me 1 day out of the blue we need to talk she said that she doesn't love me anymore like she used to... and that she feels like "motherly love" (dont know what that means) towards me. She said she felt like we were best friends and she still wanted to be friends after the brake up but I said I can't be friends... She is really stessed with her university and wotk etc... She also said she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me right know but she still has feelings for me. We broke up about 3 weeks ago but she kept calling me to see how I was doing and if we could meet. And said it would make her happy. I don't want to be put in the "friend" position so I told her when we met that I can't just be friends with her but I still have strong feelings for her and that I notised we were not both having the best time in the relationship. So she kept on smsing and calling so I told her today that I think its selfish of her to keep doing this and sending me mixed messages... and that I can't just be friends becos I have strong feelings for her and she said she still has feelings for me.
I don't want to loose this girl becose we have bin through so much together I even took her to kenya for 6 wekks to meet my parents (bin living in germany for the last 5 years)
I feel I still love her and have a bond with her...
What can I do to fix this relationship?

[liz28]

The thing is do she want to rebulid a relationship with you? Right now it doesn't seems like she wants to and she is isn't giving you space like you requested. She broke up with you and can't expect for you to remain friends with her because she wants to remain friends>>this is being selfish.

Also, you can't win nor get someone back who does not want to be won back. Break ups are tough and keeping in contact with her will only make it tougher each day. You need to cut the strings and stop letting her invade your space.

[neverme]

I'm sorry to tell you that you can't fix a relationship alone. It takes two people and it seems that your ex girlfriend doesn't want to reconcile.

I think it is in your best interest to not have contact with her and to try to move on with your life.

It's not easy but it does get easier.

There is light at the end of the tunnel sometimes its just hard to see.

Best of Luck.

[Cook87]

So should I just keep out of contact for a while and see what happens?

[amicon]

Go 100% no contact as in don't contact her-ignore a l l her texts etc.

Move forward with your own life and keep busy doing your own thing.

Good luck.

[Romefalls19]

You had it right until you said "for awhile" keep NC as you need to start moving on in your life without her in it

[Cook87]

Counter intuitive techniques? Are the write way is what you are saying? I'm going deeper underground

[Cook87]

you had it right until you said "for awhile" keep nc as you need to start moving on in your life without her in it

Great song thanks man!

[HistorianChick]

"Motherly love" means that she thinks of you as family; like a son or even like a brother. She is not "in" romantic love with you.

Unfortunately, you are in the friend zone. It is your decision to remain there or not.

I agree with the others; you do not want to be friends. You love this girl and don't want anything less than a relationship with her. She feels nothing but familial love and does not want a romantic relationship with you.

There is no happy medium for the two of you.

I don't believe that you should be in contact with her. Let her go about her life while you go about yours. Maybe, someday down the line, you will have recovered enough to be her friend, but not now... and not until you have moved on from this relationship.

Keep your chin up!

[Cook87]

Historianchick:
So you think there is no chance of us having a romantic relationship ever again? No way I could change so she feels like when she first met me?
Im moving on but its hard...

[I wish]

Seems pretty clear that she only wants to be friends.

Telling you that she still loves you, motherly love, "dont want a relationship with you now" are all things to soften the blow (i.e. letting you down easy).

Actions speak louder than words.

If she still wanted to continue a relationship with you, she wouldn't break up with you.

Moving on is hard, but it's pretty clear that she wants to move on with her life, it's time for you to do the same.

No contact allows you to distance yourself from her so that you don't have to continue to over-analyze everything she says, and twisting it into thinking that you still have a chance, this is what we call "false hope".

[Cook87]

My ex says she doesn't want to be in a relationship right no (we broke up a month ago) Over the month she has bin calling me and asking how I have bin and what I've been up 2... I had started the no contact rule but broke it becose she kept contacting me which made it very hard for me. I called her Saturday and asked if she wanted to go for a walk with me on Sunday but she had plans and she suggested(via facebook) then coffee on Monday morning but I should call her back to conferm I didn't call she then called me about 6 times on Sunday night and I didn't answer and again twice on Monday morning after getting no reply she called my work place to see if I was working that day. I then called her on Tuesday and told her I was bizzy and had to work a lot she was abit angry and said I should have at least told her something... So last night I blocked her from my Facebook out of frustration... she called me in the morning today but I didn't pick up... so stupid like I am not following the no contact rule, I called her to ask why she called this morning and she explained that they had a new opening at her work place in my field and if I knew anyone who could want the job... she also then did ask why I blocked ger from Facebook and I said... becose I think it would be beter for her so she could get over me faster because she has bin calling me so often... I also said I know I did sum stupid stuff that led to the brake up. She said she was doing just fine and I was the one with all the mixed up ideas. And if I want that she stops calling I should just say so and she will. She then said she knows we still have feeling for each other and that she is handling it the best she can. She still wants us to be talking and do stuff together. She also said she doesn't want to be in a relationship now in general but if sum1 nice was to come along she`d go for it... I added her back on Facebook about an hour ago and know I feel awfull. I don't know how to handle the situation any more

Please help

[amicon]

Go proper no contact and stop the messages,Facebook etc.

You're broken up and you need to give yourself time and space to get over her.

Your staying in touch only prolongs your healing process.

Go do your own thing and leave her to do hers.

[CarrotTalker]

Sounds like she is trying to string you along.

Not the type of person you want.

[ditchme]

Hey buddy don worrry.. ignore her for a few months(approx 3 - 4) totally , don attend any of her calls are texts.Dont meet her are give her a chance to c u also.. After few months ask her to come out to meet u. She l sure come for u. Be as funny as you can.. tease her nicely.. be playful.. as if there was no problem running between you both.. take her to a movie are some romantic place(candle light restaurant) where it would be darker and set good mood for both of u.. Try to hold her hands for some time in the middle of the movie.. if she din resist, try to kiss her hands very softly.. If she din resist for that also,, try to take her that night wth you and hv a good fun wth her.Sure she l come wth u... aftr you had a complete njoyment then ditch her are keep continuing your relationship only for the sake of sex.. don have any emotional feeling for her.. make her to come completely within u. (If u wer of a moody type.. sure this process will not work out with you.) its my personal experience and I have succeeded in this way.. Good luck.. hv funnn..!