[emopunk7]

Hey man, its over. She doesn't want what you want. Don't fall for her tricks... She is oh so clever and knows what to say to keep you around. I know it sucks and I feel bad. I know what it is to love and lose. Better that way than to not love at all. Never make someone a priority when they make you an option. You will be okay in time. You have to move on and follow with NC. Leave her alone. She is wrong in leaving you aside to party. She is NOT a devouted christian. She wants to party and do non religious things. That is not devouted. You are fooling yourself. I'm a Christian as well and I try hard staying away from that life style but at times I do party. I am not truly devouted in a way and neither is she. She is not devouted to you nor God. She is young and just enjoying it as should you.

[85man]

In all honesty, I think she is playing you for a fool. I don't mean that to be condescending towards you, because I've been this same fool because I was wearing rose colored glasses because I was totally in love with her. I try to give advice on here based on what I've experienced first hand.

I know that you totally trust her and have this picture of who she is. I had this same thought about my ex. When we broke up she said that she wanted to be around "people who love God" (because apparently I'm a Satan worshiper or something - It would be hard to find anybody nobler or with a more clear concept of right and wrong than me, what can I say product of good parenting...) because somehow she felt her life was on the wrong track. We didn't talk for a week or so and then I called her just to see what she was up to and she was telling me how when she went to a girlfriend's pre-wedding party it turned into like an all-night bar hop in a town 30 miles over and she got so wasted that her friends had to help her home and she puked all over the bathroom floor when she got home (she never did anything remotely close to this when we were together). Yeah... that totally sounds like hanging out with people who love God. BULLSH**. Whether or not she went out and fooled with other dudes, I highly doubt it... but i don't know, and to be honest really don't care. In fact, I wish she would have because it would have been so much easier for me to replace this image of her as an Angel in my mind with her as a total whore. I just feel that she's feeding you this same bullsh**.

What she is telling you is that she doesn't feel like she can have fun WITH YOU??! What is that all about? Loving couples love spending time with each other, and have all kinds of fun. She should feel like she can go out with her girlfriends while still being together with you - If she did truly love you. Needing to have fun and be single is BS. Sounds like she just got comfortable with you and doesn't want it anymore but she's afraid to cut you off completely because then she's in unknown territory. Bottom line is she could still be together with you and go out with her girlfriends and even talk to other guys if she is only interested in just meeting new friends and personalities on a total platonic level. She doesn't want that because she will totally go to a romantic level with a new guy that she meets the second she finds somebody who catches her eye. Since she's on a break with you, she's not a cheating whore in her mind.

I'm not trying to be a jerk here, it's just that over the past 6 months I've gained this incredible sixth sense of spotting BULLSH** from girls ;) So all in all, I guess my final advice is to keep contact to an absolute minimum, if not completely instituting NC. I think that you need to start preparing yourself for that fact that it is over completely and start moving on. If she does tell you it's over then you're already a good ways into the healing process. If she comes back to you and wants to get back together, then you can make that decision from a much better position emotionally for yourself.

Thanks for the info. Again I have the same thoughts going on right now. One thing I have to tell you is that I have changed my belief recently no longer atheist, I am back to the way I was as a Christian. I was atheist for a year but doubted it a couple of times so that's where my girlfriend became pretty scared. I told her the truth recently that I am no longer atheist and the reasons not because I she broke up with me but to be honest with her and share my feelings. So she trust me and believes in me now. 5 years together meaning I met her when she was 18. She was still dependent from her parents and still going to school. So life for her was more with the family than with her friends. She did get to go out and have fun couple of times but now since she is 23 she feels she is missing out so again she wants to have the fun. She wants this break to be social with people and not be sexual, she is not a sexual person at all rarely wants to do those things. Hard to believe but to be honest I do believe her, I know her friends and I know how they are. They aren't the girls gone wild type. They are very well educated. I understand where you are coming from, so I spoke to her seriously and honest. We were able to understand each other.

[CanIBuyAClue]

She did get to go out and have fun couple of times but now since she is 23 she feels she is missing out so again she wants to have the fun. She wants this break to be social with people and not be sexual, she is not a sexual person at all rarely wants to do those things.

But like I am saying, why can't she go out and be social with people and have fun with her friends while still BEING TOGETHER WITH YOU? It's not like you tie her up in the basement or don't allow her to hang out with friends (hopefully, right?) If there is any question that you should be asking her, it's that one. I'm sure she'll just make up something about not wanting to have to think about a relationship or this or that, and it's total baloney. She wants to hang out with her friends and not be with you, I suggest you do the same and move on. Do not ever let somebody string you along.

Just think about it logically. It's totally clear that you truly love this girl with all of your heart. That being said, knowing those feelings would you want to not see that person at all and just hang out with your friends? NO, because you love them. She SAYS she loves you, but her actions say otherwise because she doesn't want you around. If she truly loved you the way you love her, she would want you in her life in a big way, not going out to party with her friends.

[85man]

But like I am saying, why can't she go out and be social with people and have fun with her friends while still BEING TOGETHER WITH YOU? It's not like you tie her up in the basement or don't allow her to hang out with friends (hopefully, right?) If there is any question that you should be asking her, it's that one. I'm sure she'll just make up something about not wanting to have to think about a relationship or this or that, and it's total baloney. She wants to hang out with her friends and not be with you, I suggest you do the same and move on. Do not ever let somebody string you a lot.

Just think about it logically. It's totally clear that you truly love this girl with all of your heart. That being said, knowing those feelings would you want to not see that person at all and just hang out with your friends? NO, because you love them. She SAYS she loves you, but her actions say otherwise because she doesn't want you around. If she truly loved you the way you love her, she would want you in her life in a big way, not going out to party with her friends.

She wants to be able to date other guys plain and simple. She texted me today early in the morning and said this "max, im so sorry 4 doing this 2 u. u r a great guy, I know that when this is all over we will b stronger than ever! I love u, no other guy". I cannot do anything about it but just let it go. I do feel better and not worrying too much about this anymore one because I know who she is and I know it won't be easy for her. She still sees me in the future. Now I will wait couple of weeks but if things turn out to get worse or she just doesn't make up her mind I will say bye bye and go back to my single life hunting girls down. At least I got a job and responsibility to take care of on my own which distracts me from thinking about her.

[amicon]

Well,your choice of course but how many more weeks are you going to live in false hope,listening to mixed messages?

[85man]

Well,your choice of course but how many more weeks are you going to live in false hope,listening to mixed messages?

I will wait couple of weeks till the end of the month basically. If she doesn't make up her mind by the end of the month I will let her go and maybe someday after months, years, who knows she may come back or not. If it happens that way I will just settle on my own and focus on my life. I cannot move on and find someone else it's very time consuming, and I would not want to restart right now. I will just need to recover from this break up till I feel the need to fall in a relationship again.

[amicon]

You'll come back and tell us how it goes I hope.
Good luck and take care.

[livelife777]

I will wait couple of weeks till the end of the month basically. If she doesn't make up her mind by the end of the month I will let her go and maybe someday after months, years, who knows she may come back or not. If it happens that way I will just settle on my own and focus on my life. I cannot move on and find someone else it's very time consuming, and i would not want to restart right now. I will just need to recover from this break up till I feel the need to fall in a relationship again.

Well, I must tell you, this happened to me less than a week ago. Trying the NC thing myself. I will be honest though, this has happened to me before... never ends well. I would have to agree with the others that she should be able to hang out with friends while you and her were together. The problem does remain that she does not want to feel responsible for her actions (yes I kissed another guy honey, but we were on a brake etc.) maybe not the case but you never know. Two words, SELF IMPROVEMENT. Whatever you can do for yourself now is the time. I'm in the same boat as you are at the moment, I have found a lot of drive within myself over the last couple of days (mostly because I can't sit still without thinking about her) but I'm doing my best at it. I would really like to know how your situation turns out. Try to have a good week

[85man]

Well, i must tell you, this happened to me less than a week ago. Trying the NC thing myself. I will be honest though, this has happened to me before.....never ends well. I would have to agree with the others that she should be able to hang out with friends while you and her were together. The problem does remain that she does not want to feel responsable for her actions (yes i kissed another guy honey, but we were on a brake etc.) maybe not the case but you never know. Two words, SELF IMPROVEMENT. Whatever you can do for yourself now is the time. I'm in the same boat as you are at the moment, I have found alot of drive within myself over the last couple of days (mostly because i can't sit still without thinking about her) but im doing my best at it. I would really like to know how your situation turns out. Try to have a good week

She did hang out with her friends while we were together. I did not keep her locked to me or anything. She always enjoyed being around me and rarely went out with her friends cause it was her choice. I did not have a problem with that nor did tell her what she can do or not do. I was very fair with her.

I spoke to my girlfriend yesterday over the phone, she called, we just talked like if we weren't broken up, she called me baby, boo boo, all those words are used when she is really into me, usually when she just calls my name that's when I know she is not into me or something is going on like if she were upset, for example during the break up she would just say my name. But now she is starting to call baby and so forth. She said these things, "When will I see you again?", "Is the month already over yet?"(two more weeks to go), and she said this "We are not broken up" she said it in a very uncertain way like if she did not do a good job during the break or something or like she really wanted to break up. I maybe overthinking this but I just wanted to find out what you think about her sayings.

[livelife777]

She did hang out with her friends while we were together. I did not keep her locked to me or anything. She always enjoyed being around me and rarely went out with her friends cause it was her choice. I did not have a problem with that nor did tell her what she can do or not do. I was very fair with her.

I spoke to my girlfriend yesterday over the phone, she called, we just talked like if we weren't broken up, she called me baby, boo boo, all those words are used when she is really into me, usually when she just calls my name thats when I know she is not into me or something is going on like if she were upset, for example during the break up she would just say my name. But now she is starting to call baby and so forth. She said these things, "When will I see you again?", "Is the month already over yet?"(two more weeks to go), and she said this "We are not broken up" she said it in a very uncertain way like if she did not do a good job during the break or something or like she really wanted to break up. I maybe overthinking this but I just wanted to find out what you think about her sayings.

I too never kept mine locked up, she hung out with her friends I hung out with mine, it worked fine... until now.

I will tell you this, if you are doing a good job at this "break" meaning your not making contact with her but rather she is calling/texting you, it is possible she is wanting to be back together. I really hate to say this but I think already know, this is all a game. Whoever is better at it wins. I personally don't think these games belong in long term relations as yours and mine were, the fact is they are still played. Our situations are different but both have the same contributing factors. If I was you I would make myself unavailable for her calls every now and again.

Its been six days since her and I had the talk ( the talk went very well mind you) and there has been no contact on either side ( I really didn't think she could go this long without talking to me) nevertheless she has. She came to the house the day after the talk (while I was at work) and got a bunch of her stuff (not all) but all her heels and nice clothes (all the stuff you need to go out and look hot)

You need to remember man, girls want what they can't have. I was told once by a dear (very attractive female) friend of mine, "A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't"

[85man]

I too never kept mine locked up, she hung out with her friends i hung out with mine, it worked fine........until now.

I will tell you this, if you are doing a good job at this "break" meaning your not making contact with her but rather she is calling/texting you, it is possible she is wanting to be back together. I really hate to say this but i think already know, this is all a game. Whoever is better at it wins. I personally dont think these games belong in long term relations as yours and mine were, the fact is they are still played. Our situations are different but both have the same contributing factors. If i was you i would make myself unavailable for her calls every now and again.

Its been six days since her and i had the talk ( the talk went very well mind you) and there has been no contact on either side ( I really didnt think she could go this long without talking to me) nevertheless she has. She came to the house the day after the talk (while i was at work) and got a bunch of her stuff (not all) but all her heels and nice clothes (all the stuff you need to go out and look hot)

You need to remember man, girls want what they can't have. I was told once by a dear (very attractive female) friend of mine, "A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't"

Yeah I agree with you on everything you say on this. I've spoken to some girls so far about my situation and they told me that its pretty immature not to pick up the calls, and its just better to answer them or at least call them back after an hour or so. They also said if I really wanted her back I would have to keep in contact with her, letting her call me... So I don't know I try my best not to pick up, usually I miss her calls and call her back later in the day. This break up is only a month supposedly from what my girl told me. About the game situation I don't know, I don't see her playing games because she is very mature, but you could be right who knows. BTW while I was at my job I had my email open and have chat available on it, she im'ed me yesterday saying this "hey baby, hows work?" I was very confused of all these mixed messages make me wonder how indecisive she is now. This maybe random and stupid but I checked her astrology symbol, she is an Aquarius, so from what I read they can have mood swings and become very indecisive so I am just assuming that's one of the reasons she is like this.

[livelife777]

Yeah I agree with you on everything you say on this. I've spoken to some girls so far about my situation and they told me that its pretty immature not to pick up the calls, and its just better to answer them or at least call them back after an hour or so. They also said if I really wanted her back I would have to keep in contact with her, letting her call me...So I don't know I try my best not to pick up, usually I miss her calls and call her back later in the day. This break up is only a month supposedly from what my girl told me. About the game situation I don't know, I don't see her playing games because she is very mature, but you could be right who knows. BTW while I was at my job I had my email open and have chat available on it, she im'ed me yesterday saying this "hey baby, hows work?" I was very confused of all these mixed messages make me wonder how indecisive she is now. This maybe random and stupid but I checked her astrology symbol, she is an Aquarius, so from what I read they can have mood swings and become very indecisive so I am just assuming thats one of the reasons why she is like this.

Im sure the IM was sincere man, and I'm sure she still cares about you. I do think you have the right idea with what your doing. I would still hold her to the month though. Don't stop working on yourself. Like I have said before, this has happened to me in the past and I told you it never ends well. What I didn't say is that they have ALWAYS come back. The kicker of the whole thing is usually its too late, you have moved on, feelings have changed, you worked through a lot of heartache getting to where you are and YOU are now the one who is not sure. If it goes any longer than a month, this will happen.

[CanIBuyAClue]

Yeah I agree with you on everything you say on this. I've spoken to some girls so far about my situation and they told me that its pretty immature not to pick up the calls, and its just better to answer them or at least call them back after an hour or so. They also said if I really wanted her back I would have to keep in contact with her, letting her call me...So I don't know I try my best not to pick up, usually I miss her calls and call her back later in the day. This break up is only a month supposedly from what my girl told me. About the game situation I don't know, I don't see her playing games because she is very mature, but you could be right who knows. BTW while I was at my job I had my email open and have chat available on it, she im'ed me yesterday saying this "hey baby, hows work?" I was very confused of all these mixed messages make me wonder how indecisive she is now. This maybe random and stupid but I checked her astrology symbol, she is an Aquarius, so from what I read they can have mood swings and become very indecisive so I am just assuming thats one of the reasons why she is like this.

Until she sincerely says that she wants to get back together with you none of it matters. After my ex was telling me how she has let me go, she didn't see a future with me, there's no passion in when I kiss her, it ended with us steaming up my vehicle like we had never done before. So the physical and emotional terms of endearment really doesn't mean a whole lot. I would continue to keep my distance. As others have mentioned, just be nice but unavailable. She asked you for a break, she needs to give you one.

[85man]

Until she sincerely says that she wants to get back together with you none of it matters. After my ex was telling me how she has let me go, she didn't see a future with me, there's no passion in when i kiss her, it ended with us steaming up my vehicle like we had never done before. So the physical and emotional terms of endearment really doesn't mean a whole lot. I would continue to keep my distance. As others have mentioned, just be nice but unavailable. She asked you for a break, she needs to give you one.

Well that's what I am doing so far, being unavailable to her. Few days ago she asked me to come over and I quickly said no I have things to do. I said it simple as that. I avoid her as much as possible. Even though she keeps calling me almost everyday now.

So far based on this conversation I had with her on IM she said this: " i think when we do get back together we need to take it slow and get to know one another better all over again", so yeah that pretty much sums up the fact she wants to get back with me. I can't say she is really 100% but the chances are up there. So my best guess is to do my best and treat her right. Here's one problem I have, lets assume she does get back with me, her birthday is on the first week of February. And Valentines day is coming along. I want to know how far should I celebrate those two events. For her Birthday I was going to get her a set of weights so she could workout (she been begging me to get them for her), and for valentines I am still not sure but my idea was to set up a romantic surprise for her like getting a hotel room and having a private dinner in there. I would cook the food and set up a nice small dinner table along with candles, play some romantic music, and champagne. I am not getting my hopes up right now but I am just planning ahead of time if this happens to be. I would like to know what you think about this or maybe have any other ideas I should do. Since we are going to take it slow I want to know if I am planning things too far.

[emopunk7]

Yes... slow it way down.

[85man]

Yes...slow it way down.

Yeah I am definitely taking it slow... I have been thinking about this, what if taking it slow just means she wants me to be there for her until she finds someone ELSE. I have thoughts that she doesn't want to be alone in the mean time. So in a way I feel like I could be used. But I just cannot see my girl doing that to me either way since we've been together for 5 years. She loves me and cares for me so I don't know either she is going to string my heart or she is giving this relationship a chance. I have no idea at the moment.

[amicon]

She's been stringing you along for weeks already.

And she is very possibly keeping you on a leash as a backup plan.

That's the realistic take on
This.

Look at her actions,mostly in this kind of situation,words are just- words.

[livelife777]

Yeah I am definitely taking it slow...I have been thinking about this, what if taking it slow just means she wants me to be there for her until she finds someone ELSE. I have thoughts that she doesn't want to be alone in the mean time. So in a way I feel like I could be used. But I just cannot see my girl doing that to me either way since we've been together for 5 years. She loves me and cares for me so i dont know either she is going to string my heart or she is giving this relationship a chance. I have no idea at the moment.

Are you feeling any better? Still working on yourself? These things are important my friend, for when (and if) the time comes that she does find someone else you don't fall flat on your face again. Go and read my question and answers, it might help.

[85man]

She's been stringing you along for weeks already.

And she is very possibly keeping you on a leash as a backup plan.

That's the realistic take on
this.

Look at her actions,mostly in this kind of situation,words are just- words.

So now this has put in in the hardest part of the situation. Of course I want her back but with those thoughts I mentioned I feel like I should just let her go. She was being very honest with me over the break up and told me thank you for understanding... But it is hard to believe whether she will have me as a back up plan and actually still date guys while I am taking it slow. I guess I will just take it slow and if I do find out she is talking to other guys then I will just pull the plug.

Also I wanted to be honest about this break up I have been insecure checking her emails and Facebook which I know isn't my business but it happens to everyone I guess. I've checked it out lately and the only time she actually sent messages to guys was at the beginning of the break up like the first two days. She contacted three guys so far. Two who were her high school friends and responded confused because she asked them to out with her and how she is single but on the Relationship Status it says "in a relationship with me" still. The third guy she sent a message to was a co worker from a old job. He is in a relationship so I am guessing she cannot do anything with him. After that she hasn't been contacting anyone else just pretty much asking for advice about the break up. And this is what I found when she was asking for advice from someone, she mentioned how she doesn't want to work and just be a house wife or trophy wife and how her masters degree she is pursuing can be a fall back in case it won't workout, also talks about this romantic novel she is reading how she wants to be that character and just go to paris fall in love and get married happily ever after. I just wonder that she might be brainwashed by the media or whatever she is reading, watching on TV, I don't know just assuming. Just wanted to share this to get a better picture where she is so far.

[amicon]

Well,if you're going to stick to your month,you've a week and a bit to go.
If nothing's changed by then you really should let it go.