[leftalone]

I Found out my wife was cheating on me. She was call this guy when I was at work or at night when I was alsleep. She keeps on telling me that they were only friends and that nothing happen. I don't know what to do and confused.

[Jake2008]

Other than her calling and taling to him when you weren't around, what makes you think she was cheating.

And, how did you 'find out'.

[leftalone]

There were days that she told me she was working late when she wasn't working. But she still says nothing happen that they only drank coffee.

I found out by checking our wireless phone bill.

[Justwantfair]

Either way, she isn't being honest with you, saying she is at work, if it's innocent why isn't she telling you about her coffee dates. (Which in my opinion, are probably not appropriate, depending on the frequency and length of the relationship, for a married woman anyway)

No trust = no relationship.

[Jake2008]

Well, it doesn't look like her excuses hold water.

I would be really upset if my husband said he was working late, and it turned out he was 'having coffee' with another woman.

I can assure you, he'd never drink coffee again.

You need to get as much truth as is possible. She needs to talk, and you need to listen, and the other way around. It is time to put the cards on the table, and get to the truth of the actions.

Only then will you be able to sort through it all and decide what your next step will be.

Will she 'come clean' or at least talk do you think? Have you tried?

[leftalone]

We try to talk but I feel that am not getting the who truth.

As keep on asking her what really happen. She keeps on add new thing to her story. But she still says they were only friend and nothing happen.

We been married for 17 years and have just one child.

[Cat1864]

If this guy is just a friend is she willing to invite him over for dinner with the family?

It is one thing to have a friend you can talk to and just unwind with or talk about things that don't interest your mate (football scores or the latest dress fashion can be conversation killers for some couples). It is another to 'hide' that friendship from your mate or to not introduce your friend to your mate.

I put the same constraints on same sex friendships as I do opposite sex. If you can't be open with that friendship and invite the friend over from time to time, then there are problems. Hiding outings with the friend by saying you are 'working' when you aren't is a problem.

How have you been bringing up the subject? If she feels defensive, she may not tell you the 'whole' story or she might start feeling the need to 'embellish' the truth to make you happy. Maybe finding a neutral party that you both feel comfortable with to be a mediator in the discussions to keep accusations and defenses from turning a discussion into a fight might help both of you feel safer in sharing thoughts and feelings (and details).