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BobConfused · Jan 14, 2010, 04:56 AM

I've been with my girlfriend for over 4 years now. We met in college. I truly love her and plan to marry her someday. Our relationship has been great, and we truly haven't had any major problems. My confussion is that in the past few months, I've found myself to be attracted to this woman at work. We talk and laugh about silly things, and are simply friendly at work. I've found that more and more I am thinking about her, and imagining being intimate with her. I must admit that it has gotten to the point where I'm really desiring this other woman, and am really struggling with myself to make sure that I don't cross any boundaries or get tempted. I would never do that to my girlfriend and I'm a firm believer that cheating is NOT OK. I'm just surprised at the degree of my attraction, curiousity, and desire, when I truly believe that everything is going well with my girlfriend and I'm in total love with her. Just wondering what experiences others have had or what people think my attraction might mean. I guess I'm questioning if this is normal! I'm in my first long-term relationship. I've had girlfriend before, but this is the most serious, and I haven't been tempted until now... And I won't cheat... Thanks.

amicon · Jan 14, 2010, 05:11 AM

I guess we can all be attracted to somebody else even though we are in a committed relationship.
The thing is,unless you want to cause heartbreak and confusion,to not act upon these feelings.

It seems you're well aware that this is not the path to take-and in order to avoid further temptation,you should distance yourself from this woman.

broken_ heart · Jan 14, 2010, 05:14 AM

Hey, you are feeling attracted to some other woman at your workplace. It might be possible that you and your girlfriend didn't get much time together. If you really don't want to cheat her and you love her, then try to spend as much time with your girlfriend as you can. Try to distance yourself with your colleague.

Getting attracted to someone you see frequently is normal. But the important thing is how you deal with it. Its only you who can control your temptation if you don't want to cheat.

Romefalls19 · Jan 14, 2010, 06:17 AM

It's natural to be attracted to other women(ahhh Sophia Bush:}) but as long as you don't act on them, it shouldn't be an issue

HistorianChick · Jan 14, 2010, 07:08 AM

Everyone is attracted to other people, that's natural. Not everyone makes the choice that you have to not cheat. That is the first step. You're already doing what needs to be done.

Knowing that you are incredibly attracted to her, is there any way that you can lessen your contact with her?

You're already doing the right things... making that mental choice to not cheat is the best thing you can do. Stick to your convictions.

It's nice to answer a question where the poster is trying to stick to his guns rather than fix a cheat.

LJDK · Jan 14, 2010, 07:20 AM

I am engaged. All is well and fine. We love each other. There is this girl at work, chat, smile and wave. Things got friendly. We became friends. Then I realized I like her, also started to imagine what it would be like to be intimate.

Alarms went off. Now I avoid her. She did ask me one day why am I avoiding her... and I just dodged the bullet. It's not a mans place to say no. But it is our place to stay out of situations where we might be tempted.

I wish · Jan 14, 2010, 07:37 AM

The others have already given you excellent advice.

The attraction is a natural occurrence, and we can't control nature. But we can control our actions. Like you said, you're committed to your current relationship, so as long as you don't do anything that would jepordize your relationship. Now that you have your priorities straight, you should definitely try your best to minimize any contact with her, at least until your feelings for her have gone away.

BobConfused · Jan 19, 2010, 05:01 AM

Like everyone said, I seem to be doing all of the right things. I avoid the woman at work as much as I possibly can. But to a certain extent, it is not possible to avoid her compltely since we are working on some projects as part of the same "team." I try to keep conversation with her focused on work, but I am getting more and more distracted with thoughts of her and find myself having a lot of fantasies. I know a bit about her personally as I hear her chatting with her female coworkers at times, but obviously a lot of my fantasies about her are just that. The bigger problem is that I am now having doubts about my readiness to marry my girlfriend. We've talked about getting married. She's pushing it, and now I'm having doubts about being ready. I know that my girlfriend is "the one," but I get really uneasy when we start to talk about a date (she wants soon; I'm thinking next year). I am planning on us getting engaged this year, but, honestly the possibilities with this woman at work are "haunting" me and causing me a lot of anxiety. I could never share this with my girlfriend as it would break her heart. I've been trying to simply focus on being fully there for my girlfriend, but it seems to be getting harder and harder and I don't understand why this is happening if I've been and want to be fully committed to my girlfriend. Could it be that our relationship is not as great as I thought. Now I'm just driving myself crazy!

LJDK · Jan 19, 2010, 05:21 AM

Your relationship is more than likely fine. Sounds more like lust, the thought of something new, the knowledge of the rush it brings.

I wish · Jan 19, 2010, 05:41 AM

It sounds like the problem isn't your co-worker whom you are lusting after, the problem is with your current girlfriend.

Why don't you figure things out with your girlfriend first (i.e. whether it's going to actually work out) before worrying about your feelings for someone else. It sounds like you're setting yourself up for a rebound in case you break up with your current girlfriend.

amicon · Jan 19, 2010, 05:49 AM

Straight honest talk with the girlfriend about where you are in your relationship seems to be the honest thing to do.

If you have doubts she deserves to know.

BobConfused · Jan 19, 2010, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Why don't you figure things out with your gf first (i.e. whether it's going to actually work out) before worrying about your feelings for someone else. It sounds like you're setting yourself up for a rebound in case you break up with your current gf.

The thing is that it has NEVER crossed my mind to break up with my girlfriend! I have no reason to even consider that... I want to marry her! But now I'm confused that there might be problems that I'm oblivious to. I agree with the "lust" over my co-worker... But now I'm confused about what it means about my relationship. And I never thought that it "wouldn't work out" with my girlfriend. I never had any reason to think otherwise, till now... thanks!

LJDK · Jan 19, 2010, 06:11 AM

Just want to make sure I understand you correctly.

So you think there is something wrong with your relationship because you are attracted to another girl?

I wish · Jan 19, 2010, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by BobConfused

I never had any reason to think otherwise, till now...

Spend some time figuring out what the problems are and then confront your girlfriend about them. Marriage is a huge commitment and you can't go in with so many doubts.

Work on the issues with your girlfriend. If you can't find some common ground, it's best to go your separate ways than dragging things out.

BobConfused · Jan 19, 2010, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by LJDK

Just want to make sure i understand you correctly.

So you think there is something wrong with your relationship because you are attracted to another girl?

I wasn't thinking that originally, until it was suggested on this thread that I might be having problems! And the fact that I'm thinking "a lot" about this other girl (not just the attraction) is making me have doubts!

I wish · Jan 19, 2010, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by BobConfused

I wasn't thinking that originally, until it was suggested on this thread that I might be having problems! And the fact that I'm thinking "a lot" about this other girl (not just the attraction) is making me have doubts!

Often, the problems already exist in your current relationship, but they aren't that obvious until a triggering factor highlights the problems. In your case, it's a co-worker whom you have a crush on. Another girl whom you could have been lusting on could also have been the trigger.

This type of emotion also occurs when you haven't met too many people. It's a possible sign of inexperience in relationships because you may not know exactly what it is you are looking for in a relationship. You might be content with what you have, but you might not realize that there's much more out there and your curiosity is kicking in because now you have a taste of what else is out there.

Again, now that things are set in motion, you need to accept that something has triggered your mind and accept that your relationship isn't perfect. However, it's the next step that counts. If you are really committed to your relationship, then figure out the problems and try to work on them.

amicon · Jan 19, 2010, 11:37 AM

( have to spread the rep)
I wish sums it up very well-there are probably issues that need sorting out and worked through,if you want your relationship to work.

BobConfused · Jan 19, 2010, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Again, now that things are set in motion, you need to accept that something has triggered your mind and accept that your relationship isn't perfect. However, it's the next step that counts. If you are really committed to your relationship, then figure out the problems and try to work on them.

Lots of food for thought... you make some good points in a very constructive way. Thank you!

LJDK · Jan 19, 2010, 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by BobConfused

I wasn't thinking that originally, until it was suggested on this thread that I might be having problems! And the fact that I'm thinking "a lot" about this other girl (not just the attraction) is making me have doubts!

Lol. Here is some food for thought. There is nothing wrong with your relationship. The only reason you think there is, is because that seed was planted in your head by a person who knows nothing about you two other than what you tell from "your" perspective.

If you really want advise go talk to someone in real life like your mother or father, or brother. They know you better. And stop second guessing your relationship when 1 seed gets planted.

Think for yourself man... please.