[tasha1675]

Yes, I am a woman with feelings and desires for a real, committed relationship!

I just don't understand him, what's wrong with people!

[HistorianChick]

I'm tellin' you... he's a jerk. He probably knows that he's lost the best thing that ever happened to him... and he can't stand it.

I still stand behind my original opinion and advice - you did the right thing.

Tell your girlfriend that she doesn't need to be passing along information from him to you. That's not what good girl friends do... your girls should have your back...

[tasha1675]

Yeah it sounds like he's realising his mistake! Well yes, it's his own fault!

I have told her - she won't speak to him about it again. She is furious with him! Hehe!

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it :)

[amicon]

I can only add-he's the one who threw a good thing away-so he's just going to have to live with it!

[tasha1675]

Yep, I just don't understand how he couldn't see how great I am until he threw me away! I am a nice person!

[HistorianChick]

Because he's a jerk. He wasn't interested in your sustaining a committed relationship with an awesome woman; he was interested in only satisfying his desires.

Men like that are jerks. Sadly, us "good ones" fall for them, get our heart broken, and move on.

Learn from this. Don't dwell on it. You're an awesome catch - some guy will be lucky to have a relationship with you! :)

[amicon]

Probably because he's an emotional incompetent-just don't worry about it-move forward with your new life.

[tasha1675]

Threads merged

Feeling low today. Anyone who has read my previous threads will know how well I have been doing and have kept up NC completely since the break up. It'll be four months since he ended things and despite telling a friend of mine just over a month ago that he still loves me, he hasn't once contacted me.

I know I have to move on and I am slowly, but I just can't understand how someone can say they love you and not want anything to do with you. I guess he is trying to heal himself, it just feels so cruel and selfish. He knows how much he upset my life when we broke up (I had to move back home and quit my job etc) and I had to start again and he hasn't once checked in to see how I have been getting on despite telling me he loved me and saying it wouldn't be the last time I saw him.

I admit, the contact he made with my friend made me hope he'd call me directly which I know was stupid but I couldn't help it. I guess he has shown his true colours but it hurts so much.

I just have to keep telling myself that I miss the man I fell in love with, not the man he became when he broke my heart :(

[redhed35]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-335663.html

This is an old thread above,but I was reading it earlier and thought about how some people newly out of a relationship might forget what's to come after following nc for a while.

Its OK,to feel lonely,but its not OK to let it take you over.

Have a read and I hope it helps.

There is some great wisdom in that thread,you may be able to add some of your own.

[amicon]

People show us who they are by their actions, not by their words.
It takes time to really get to know someone,and in this case,you have made the sad discovery that he wasn't the man you thought he was.

Stick to your NC,it will get better day by day.

[dynocompe]

I think you are doing great!! Don't let this dumb holiday , time of year get you down!

[talaniman]

We all get triggered around holidays, or things that make us think of the past, and what we had, and lost. That's normal, as we all can have bad days for no reason, just feel bad.

The good news is, if you let it, it will pass. The thing to remember is to never act on those feelings from the past, and do something impulsive, that will make future days even worse.

You know what's funny is that when I suggest retail therapy, females forget everything, and run for a sale.

That's my advice this morning to you. Catch a sale, and forget the ex.

[tasha1675]

Thanks for your positive comments everyone. I will stay strong.

I am sad that he has shown his true colours but I guess it is best I found out now than wasted any more time with him.

Yes, I will go shopping and I've just made a big chocolate cake which I am going to tuck into with a cup of tea! Stuff him! Hehe!

[dynocompe]

I will eat some of that chocolate cake!

[amicon]

Good on you!
Enjoy your cake!

[tasha1675]

Hey everyone,

So another month has gone by and I am here again. I am doing brilliantly, have been accepted into university (as a mature student eek!) to do speech and language therapy in September and really am getting so much from doing things for me and looking to the future.

However, every day I catch myself thinking about my ex and wondering what he is doing and if he has moved on. I still dream about him most nights too. Now, I don't particularly want to get back with him, I can't see how it would work now anyway and I can see that our lives are going in very different directions. However, I feel like I want to reach out and tell him about all these wonderful things I am doing and show him that I am moving on. I also wonder that if I hear that he has moved on, it will be what I need to hear to stop all the thinking and wondering.

I am strong and am fine staying in no contact but I just wonder if I need to write to him, to stop all this wondering and show him how well I am doing.

Is it normal to want to do this and is it a bad idea?

Any opinions and advice please! :)

[emopunk7]

It is very normal. My ex broke up with me in October and I sometimes wish she can know how good I am doing. But really think about it. If we are doing sooo good, then why waste our precious time writing them? Doesn't sound too good nor convincing.
I know how you feel because I also signed up for college courses and am currently attending. It helps so much. I am beginning to meet new people and I just do everything possible that's entertaining. With spring around the corner, I play a lot of basketball. Don't worry about writing a letter. Maybe write it and then burn it. Like you my ex hasn't called either. It's so strange because she always was on top of me and calling and one day to the next she was gone. She pulled that twice on me. So my advice is don't look back. If it didn't work the first time, it won't work the next time. I'm glad you are taking control of your life. It's never too late. I'm very happy because I got a 101 on my first Accounting exam! I like studying now. I still squeeze time for the gym. Good luck and you will be fine. Take care! Keep us updated!

[talaniman]

Its normal to have the feelings, but acting on them is another story. Don't, just stay on your path and keep accomplishing your goals. I am proud you have moved down the road so well.

[amicon]

Be really proud of yourself,you are doing so well!

Don't get in touch with the ex though,you don't need to tell him anything anymore.

Has he moved on?
It doesn't really matter,does it?

You have and that's great.

[Kitkat22]

Sounds as though you are a very strong woman! Don't take him back! You deserve better! I admire what you are doing!