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trappedconfused · Jan 7, 2010, 10:07 AM

When I was 16 me and this guy dated for one year, we used to go the same school and he was my first love and I was his.. We really loved each other. We were too young and we ended up breaking with each other. However, we managed to stay best friends (something which all our friends still don't understand how especially that we truly loved each other).. We went to different universities in different countries but we always always stayed in touch. He was always there for me and I for him. He dated other girls and I dated other guys.. We did move on and we managed to get over each other and fall for other people. We are now both 22, still very very close. And even though his last girlfriend told him to cut me out of his life, and my ex boyfriend of 4 years used to tell me to do the same, we refused to let anyone come between us and were always so close. He knows ALL about me and I know all about him and we can talk about absolutely anything.Anyway my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up recently, and he broke up with his girlfriend of two years and who I am sure he had feelings for.. after 3 or 4 months one night he confessed to me that he loves me, that he has loved me all these 6 years but never had the guts to tell me because I was with another guy.. He told me no one understands him like I do and that he really wanted us to give it a chance.. At first I told him it's better if we don't do this because we managed to overcome all the obstacles in the past and stay best friends and that I did not want to jeopardize our friendship. Plus we are both of different religions and for both our families this is a major issue, so its not going to be easy.He assured me our freindhsip will not be affected and that he cared for me too much to jeopardize anything, and frankly I did believe him. So gradually things started developing and we ended up together once again. I can say he is amazing. But he has one problem: he has some intimacy issues, he cannot handle pressure and if he does something wrong he backs off instead of confronting the person in front of him. Plus I know for a fact that he never tells any girl that he wants to end a reltionship with her and he always takes the coward's way out and stops talking to his girlfriend. So everything was great between us and the only thing that annoyed me was that he barely answers the phone when I call him/ text him and he only contacts me whenever he wants.. I tried talking to him about it more than once and he promised he'll change that. However, he had to leave the country and left without saying seeing me, he only sent a message telling me that he loves me and that he doesn't want anything to change, and that he will call me everyday. It's been a week now and I barely heard from him, he only sent me a text once sayign he was too busy and tired but never replied to my calls or text messages. I think I must mention that he hasn't called or replied to any of his friends either (since they are all my friends too).. I mean he s always been like this with everyone, including me when we were friends, but shouldn't he put a little bit more effort now that we are together in a long distance relationship (till he comes back after 4 months)? He didn't have to come confess to me that he loves me after all this time and when we are best friends if he was just playing around or having fun right? Because I'm sure I mean a lot to him like he means to me.. So help me what is going on here and what should I do? I feel that talking to him about it won't help because like I said he hates confrontation and this will push him away (because I know him very well).. I feel trapped that I don't know what to do and I care about him too much to ever lose him in a any way!P.S I did send him a few long messages before (whn we were friends and even when we got back together) whenever I felt annoyed with him but it really doesn't work, he ignores until he feels like talking to me. And not because he is mean but because he hates pressure.

HistorianChick · Jan 7, 2010, 10:13 AM

I mean he s always been like this with everyone, including me when we were friends, but shouldn't he put a little bit more effort now that we are together in a long distance relationship

Unfortunately, the terrible reality that a woman/man cannot change her/his boyfriend/girlfriend has hit.

You knew he was always like this and yet, you figured that it would change when you were in a relationship. People can't change other people.

The only thing I can suggest is that when he comes back, you sit down and talk about your feelings. Relationships are based on honesty, trust, and communication; without these key elements, you have no relationship.

Bottom line: maybe you two were better off as friends if you cannot accept the way he is.

talaniman · Jan 7, 2010, 10:20 AM

It seems as friends things are great, but for romance, not so good. Its not unusual for friends to be incompatible as romantic partners. Just different expectations, and no matter how good a friends you were, you just want more from a romantic partner.

trappedconfused · Jan 7, 2010, 10:31 AM

But what I don't know is, is it acceptable for two people in a relationship to talk only this much or is something not right?

HistorianChick · Jan 7, 2010, 10:36 AM

You're missing the point.

You want something different than what he is giving you. Evidently, he feels fine with the level of communication that is transpiring between the two of you. You don't think it is acceptable. Therefore, you are wanting two different things.

You need to evaluate if you should be together or not.

This is how it always was with him... this is the way it's going to be. I'm sorry I can't give you any happy advice, but that's the way I see it.