[insercurity]

Moved to its own thread

I am in a 4 yrs relationship with my boyfriend now. The relationship I had before this one was really bad... my ex cheated on me with one of his ex... I gave my ex all the trust, I am okay for him to hang out with his female friends. At the time, I think trust is the main part in a relationship... and the end, I find out even his friend is helping him to get out and let him go hang out w/ his ex... and of course they had s*x... I ask that girl out and we talked, I realize that my ex never mention to her that we were in the relationship for 2 yrs... I got really hurt from that... feel like all the trust I gave him, never control or try to change him... at the end he is cheating on me... I leave him at the end. a

After 10 months I met my current boyfriend from my job. He is 5 years older than me, he is the one help me get out of my past... but after all these years... once a while, when I find out he is chatting with girls, I will ask him questions till I get to my point, at the end he got really mad, he said if you want to ask me about this girl then you can just ask me directly, that girl is the girlfriend of my friend and she work for my aunt, and you are acting very stupid right now... I feel bad to ruin his day with what I accuse him for.
I even thinking about go see a psychologist to see is something wrong with me.
I really hate myself being so insecure like this, because I wasn't someone like that before. And I totally do not want to ruin this relationship...
can someone help me... I feel like this once awhile, average every few months...

[amicon]

If you're already thinking of seeing a therapist to get through your issues, I suggest you do that.

[talaniman]

Counseling can certainly help, as I think your past experience is at the root of your insecurity. After being so hurt in the manner you were, it takes time and guidance to put it behind you. When you have those feelings, think before you speak, or act, and make sure you tell your boyfriend that you are working on your problem. The key is recognizing when you have those feelings and why, and have a strategy of what to do when you feel that way, so you don't get carried away by those feelings.

I don't know how long it was between your relationships, but I do know, it takes time to get over a very bad one. Be patient with yourself.

[Romefalls19]

Continue seeing a therapist, they really do help. Your past is definitely the reason you are like this, I fell into the same trap as well. I have dug myself out, but still fall back in every once in awhile. What you have to remember, no matter what you do, if someone wants to stray, they are going to. Every time you find yourself jealous, write down what it is you are jealous about, wait an hour then go back and reread it . If it still upsets you, talk about it calmly with him