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icemantj · Jan 6, 2010, 05:57 AM

Hi I am a 20 yr old that did a horrible thing 4 days ago. Me and my ex girlfriend got drunk and got into a fight. She ended up punching me in my face 10 times and then threw beer on me and spit in my face. I lost control of my anger and blacked out and ended up hitting her. I'm not here to ask for help for the pain I'm going through because I deserve it. I'm just scared that I'm never going to be able to find someone else because I'm afraid of what if I black out again. What should I do

Romefalls19 · Jan 6, 2010, 06:06 AM

Well, there are two sides to this. Personally, I don't condone any hitting of a woman of any type, but she definitely crossed a line in the abuse as well. I know most people will say that women aren't as strong as men, but that's a load of bull anymore. I think you are both having trouble handling your anger and doing it apart would be best. First, you need to seek out counseling or support groups. Second, stop drinking because it obviously elevated the situation and finally, get some reading material on the issue. There are several books about how to handle anger and aggression

icemantj · Jan 6, 2010, 06:10 AM

I'm so depressed right now I'm actually scared I have thoughts that I never would have dreamed to think of I've been pretty much crying for the past 3 days for the fact I hit her.

Romefalls19 · Jan 6, 2010, 06:18 AM

We have all made mistakes, at least you recognize it and want to change, give yourself some credit there. A lot of people who act like this, never want to change and never realize there is a problem

icemantj · Jan 6, 2010, 06:49 AM

I just don't think I'm going to be able to live without her she was my love of my life.

Romefalls19 · Jan 6, 2010, 06:50 AM

Everyone has felt like that, but the good thing about life, it goes on. You will feel like crap for awhile, you will have good days and bad days, but eventually the pain goes away, little by little each day.

What does your girlfriend say about the situation?

HistorianChick · Jan 6, 2010, 06:51 AM

I'd stop drinking. Period. If that is what lowers your inhibitions and helps set you off, it is NOT worth it.

Then, I'd start seeing a counselor or a group session-type thing. Anger management is a process; but, if you're committed to getting control of it, you'll be able to conquer it.

In my opinion, hitting is never acceptable, by a man OR a woman. Ever. Sounds like you don't need to be around her.

We all get angry at our exes at one time or another, but this crossed the line.

You can manage and control your anger - you just have to be willing to take the necessary steps.

I wish you the best of luck!

icemantj · Jan 6, 2010, 07:12 AM

I haven't been in touch with her since. I doubt she would want to talk to me I know I wouldn't.

HistorianChick · Jan 6, 2010, 07:14 AM

Well, that being said, she did hit you, too.

I'd concentrate on getting yourself put back together. You know your problem and desire to fix it. That is the first step.

You're on the right track!

icemantj · Jan 7, 2010, 03:22 AM

My life is falling apart around me I don't know what to do with myself anymore I haven't been this lonely before.

amicon · Jan 7, 2010, 03:45 AM

Find someone to talk to in person,a friend or family member. And maybe you should look into counselling.

artlady · Jan 7, 2010, 03:57 AM

You should not be drinking.
Your problem is alcohol.

Your anger and your reaction may have been quite different had you not been intoxicated.

It is good that you feel remorse but that alone is not enough to prevent this from happening again.

Get educated about the effects of alcohol on the brain and know that some people simply can not drink without bad results.You sound like one of those people.

This is your wake up call! Listen to it and make a promise to yourself that you will not put yourself in that position again.
Next time ,it could be deadly.

icemantj · Jan 7, 2010, 04:09 AM

I know for a fact I would have just walked away if I was sober but I'm not going to make alcohol my excuse. Right now I'm just trying to do something stupid to myself. I am going to get help I just need to get the money first.

artlady · Jan 7, 2010, 04:50 AM

Originally Posted by icemantj

i know for a fact i would have just walked away if i was sober but im not going to make alcohol my excuse. right now im just trying to do something stupid to myself. i am going to get help i just need to get the money first.

Now why would you want to do something stupid to yourself?
What are you thinking?
That is going to solve nothing.
Tell me what you mean by doing something stupid to yourself.

icemantj · Jan 7, 2010, 05:00 AM

I meant to say not do something stupid like hurting myself. I just feel so bad because my little sister saw all this happened and a preeched to her not to ever let a man talk down to her or put a hand on her and here I am doing what I told her not to let ever happen.

artlady · Jan 7, 2010, 05:07 AM

Originally Posted by icemantj

i meant to say not do somthing stupid like hurting myself. i just feel so bad because my lil sister saw all this happened and a preeched to her not to ever let a man talk down to her or put a hand on her and here i am doing what i told her not to let ever happen.

You screwed up ,you explain that to your sister and begin a new chapter in your life where you make darn sure it never happens again.
Beating yourself up will change nothing.
Get educated and stay away from something you clearly cannot handle.
Life goes on my friend.

icemantj · Jan 7, 2010, 05:11 AM

Thank you for your great advice I txted my ex earlier telling her that if she could forgive me we could eventually maybe be friends again and see where it goes from there but for now I'm focusing on me and the problems I have to fix.

artlady · Jan 7, 2010, 05:17 AM

Originally Posted by icemantj

thank you for your great advice i txted my ex earlier telling her that if she could forgive me we could eventually maybe be friends again and see where it goes from there but for now im focusing on me and the problems i have to fix.

Hang in there.It can only get better from here.
Just remember how you are feeling at this moment the next time you decide to drink.
Your very welcome,I hope it all works out for you :)

icemantj · Jan 7, 2010, 06:38 AM

Any advise on getting over her I am afraid to go to sleep because ill have a dream about her with someone else so I haven't slept for almost 48 hours now. I'm starting to think I'm in serious trouble

LJDK · Jan 7, 2010, 07:02 AM

Stay sober... no booze or weed or anything. Go to sleep. If you dream about her then deal with it. You are a man?

The less you sleep the more depressed you will be. Get sleeping pills if you have to, but don't take more than 2. A few days proper rest and you will start thinking straight again.