[Apple21]

I have been in love with the same guy for almost six years. We dated for about 2.5 years total. He was my high school sweetheart, and was my best friend. However, throughout our relationship, we fought very often, about almost everything. We broke up several times, but could not stand to be apart, and would always end up back together within months. When we were together, I gave up everything else in my life, including friends and any hobbies I had. I know this was wrong, but I cannot take it back. Therefore, he was the only thing in my life, and soon enough everything I did revolved around him. During the times we were broken up, I would slowly start rebuilding friendships, and becoming more and more independent. However, seeing him would change everything. I would fall back into it, and we would be happy for a short period, and I would start believing that this time would be different, but soon enough we'd start falling apart again. He is so loving, and so caring. One would think he was the perfect guy. But with him, I couldn't have a life, I couldn't have anyone else. I would feel suffocated, to the point where everything he did would drive me into fits of anger. I feel I drove him away. I loved him with all of my heart, but I could not be with him. I tried to talk to him about the things that bothered me, and it would just hurt his feelings, and he would remind me that I'm the one who can't handle the relationship. I love him so much, and I love love itself. I have never in my life considered myself scared of commitment, I have always loved the idea of finding my love early on in life. When I am with him, and we are in good moods, I am happier than I ever thought possible. He always cheers me up when I'm upset. I am so comfortable around him, and I just can't imagine loving him anymore than I do. But we seem to be in this vicious cycle that we can't get out of. I feel like this is all my fault, and now, even though we both love each other with all of our hearts, we cannot allow ourselves to be together again. I cannot physically or mentally be with anyone else, because all I ever think of is him. I miss him everyday of my life, but I don't want to hurt him anymore. What do I do?

[talaniman]

You break the cycle by making decisions based on facts and not just feelings.

As you put it yourself, you may be hooked on each other, but you bring out bad things in each other, so you have to break away, and stay away long enough to get over this chapter in your life.

Like a junkie who needs his dope, even though it will hurt him, he wants it anyway to feel good.

[amicon]

This sounds like an addiction rather than a relationship. Listen to what your head is telling you-step away and detox from all the drama.

[Devorameira]

I personally think your boyfriend is controlling and that isn't compatible with a healthy relationship. You shouldn't ever feel like you have to give up friends/family/things you enjoy in order to keep the peace.

One of the cardinal rules of love relationships is that we cannot change how other people think and behave, we can only change how we think and behave. So if he's exhibiting behavior that is excessively controlling, it is not a good idea to try go into "please and rescue mode," and think that you can change the way that person functions, either in the context of their intimate relationships, or in the world at large.

In such a situation, it is a far better idea to cut your losses by ending the relationship, no matter how emotionally attached you may have become. Otherwise this kind of controlling behavior is far more likely to escalate and intensify-rather than decline-as the relationship progresses.

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“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” - Anthony Robbins

"Control your own time. Don't let it be done for you. If you are working off the in-box that is fed you, you are probably working on the priority of others." - Donald Rumsfeld