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Romefalls19 · Jan 5, 2010, 08:03 AM

I have to admit, I came into this late but it all depends on how the OP feels about it. Personally, I would never sacrifice my beliefs to suit a relationship. I am heavily against drugs, therefore I won't be in a relationship where the person does it. She has to decide if she is willing to give up how she feels to make the relationship work

talaniman · Jan 5, 2010, 08:50 AM

This conflict about MJ goes deeper than just his sex drive, as you allude to in your other post,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ip-400525.html,
But also the life you have worked for, and the life you seek with him also, and the one you seek for yourself.

I have been to a support group for people close to drug abusers and have been open with him.

I think you have reached that point where you must decide if its worth the risk of him changing enough to make a life together possible.

I am sure the group you're in has also told you that you have to be willing to leave him alone, and do your own thing in life, if he doesn't do what it takes to help you build a life together. You sure can't force him, can you?

This isn't about the pot at all, but how you deal with the conflict that is driving a wedge between you.

Sure you may have fallen in love, before you realized the things about him that has caused problems between you, and will undoubtedly get worse, but now that you have seen his actions, and the way he treats the issues, you have enough facts to leave him alone period and let him deal with his own demons, which may take years of change, to overcome. Its a lot of hard work in front of him.

You have worked so hard to get to where you are, and don't need to be dragged down, and made miserable by a guy who is in a totally different place, as you are.

You can never work together through honest communications with a guy who is in denial about how important his choices are, and how important his choices are to your future together.

So its really falls on your shoulders to end this, and leave him his own choices to make for himself, without your influence as you have already seen what making him quit the MJ for you, and your future means to him.

That's why you will have no resolution to this problem unless he is more motivated for long term solutions, and not just making you think he can change, which he can for a while, but its only temporary, and disappears when you start getting comfortable and hopeful.

You must leave just for the fact you don't want to be in his restricted circle, and he doesn't deserve to be in your ever expanding circle, nor is he qualified.

The only terms you can accept, are the ones you have defined for yourself, and not some watered down compromise that drags you down to his level, so take none of his BS until he proves to himself he is up to the task of being the kind of man you deserve. Accept nothing less.

lovebird120 · Jan 5, 2010, 09:11 AM

Don't take him back you'll be so much happier, when/if he goes to meetings/rehab and is sober for a year take him back, IF he's even the same person off weed. And unless HE wants to quit he won't so don't count on it.

friend4u178 · Jan 5, 2010, 02:05 PM

Not going to get into the smoking pot or not debate as there are obviously times as artlady said that it can be medically beneficial to some people.

However to me this a different scenario and he seems addicted to the actual "getting off" on Dope rather than anything beneficial to his health. I think you've made your stance now and it's up to him to WIN you back , your obviously not happy to put up with the Pot smoking so now he has to stop it or lose you for good.

IF you go back your just sending him the signals that he can keep doing it.

talaniman · Jan 5, 2010, 02:10 PM

Accepting bad behavior, only leads to more bad behavior.

Devorameira · Jan 5, 2010, 04:06 PM

If you give in now he'll never take you serious - your relationship will be doomed! Stay strong!

JudyKayTee · Jan 6, 2010, 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by sandalwood7

I know realtionships are about compromising, and how much should I compromise (ie should I be happy with occasional smoking at special occasions or is this dangerous given addiction which is what I tend to think). Or should I not compromise on this issue.

Thanks for listening...

Who is going to make the list of special occasions when he has your permisison to smoke MJ? You? I doubt it.

Him? Probably.

And those "special occasions" could be every day of the week that ends with "day." Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and so forth.

You are attempting to reach a compromise - on his terms.

talaniman · Jan 6, 2010, 09:56 AM

There is an alternative to all this, leave him alone, disappear from his life, and do your thing, and reach your decision without him.

Seems to me, you have too much to lose, and gain nothing but a contact high you don't want.

twinkiedooter · Jan 6, 2010, 06:16 PM

In this relationship you would not just be compromising to suit him you'd be rolling over and playing dead.

I won't tell you it's okay to stay with him just because you can't "let go". He sounds like more of a "habit" of yours and nothing more. You need to get over your habit and move on.

He is not going to change his ways. Why should he?