[MWX1NN]

My daughter (28) and her dad (60)have always had a somewhat explosive relationship. I (56) have always said it is because they are so much alike... can be very loving and very hard headed. My daughter married a man who my husband truly seemed to like and the extended family all seem to fit... same small town upbringing, church attendance, heck even the same jobs... everybody was getting along great! My husband and SIL even share the same car hobby... and then the dreaded miscommunication happened over the movement of some car parts and trailer.
MY husband got mad , the SIL apologized , and I think they both over reacted. Anyway , that was February and my husband has still not gotten over it. The SIL tried but eventually gave up. And guess who is in the middle... my daughter and me. I feel the relationship can be fixed but my husband won't budge. He continues to ignore my son in law and says it is a two way street. And now there is a new grandson. My daughter says she is finished and does not want her Dad around her son if he can't treat her husband better.

Dad says I always take the daughter's side and interestingly she says I always take Dad's side. Arrrrrgh, I try to keep the side of peace but I'm tired and they don't listen to my anyway. A long time family friend has also tried to help but nothing has changed. What makes a grown man act this way? I can't imagine giving up my child at any age but that seems to be the course my husband has taken. She is extremely hurt... I can tell by the tears she sheds.

[rosemcs]

It's too bad that these things happen in families, but they are quite frequent. The best you can do is to be loving to your daughter & her son. You will have to emotionally detach yourself from the negative feelings and look beyond this to just be a source of help for a new mom. If it is too difficult, look into therapy as a way of not allowing your emotions to respond to what people think when you know in your heart that you can be there for the child.

You know very well that they may be acting immature and you need to keep going on with your love, without taking sides. Just being open arms to the child.

[Gemini54]

Wow. That's really being hard headed isn't it? You're really stuck between a rock and a hard place. He won't budge and neither will she.

Given that it sounds as if you've tried everything - with him anyway - I suspect that the only thing you can do is stop trying. Sometimes pushing issues like these with people (like your husband and daughter) is like feeding the fire, you keep adding fuel every time you make an effort to make them see reason.

If they won't see reason, then just leave it. In the end, it's their issue and you just get caught in the middle. I would suggest that your daughter takes the high ground, rather than not allowing your husband to see his grandson. Suggest that she invite him to family gatherings, outings, etc, so that it's really clear he's the one refusing to participate. If he won't go, then you go without him.

If I were you I would refuse to be the go-between. Let them both know that you're sick of their silly games (especially him) and that from now on you will be visiting your daughter and participating in family events - it's his choice as to whether he joins you.

I mean really - what does such stupid obstinate behavior achieve in the end? Rhetorical question, I know.

[jmjoseph]

Sit him down with your daughter's baby pictures. That is always a sure fire way to jog a father's memory.

Tell him that he is losing his baby girl, and you simply will not allow it to happen.

Invite the SIL over, and get this straightened out, NOW.

Life is too short to let something like this to interfere with the love.

He's wasted enough time already!

Good luck to you, and Happy Holidays!