[ninjajr92]

Do not give her this kind of power and control of the relationship. If you are not convinced that there is commitment in the relationship, then there is nothing you can do but to move on. Girls are strange in this kind of matter. Best of luck! I'll be available to help you out if you would like.

[vanheart]

Good. Keep it going.

[howareutoday134]

Why do I put myself through this? She still calls me everyday... but doesn't know if she wants a relationship? This doesn't make sense why are woman so difficult? And I don't think I can move on without a new relationship anyone else had that feeling? Does it make sense? Confused right now if you can't tell today

[JBeaucaire]

Things will change for you when this one thing changes in your mind... when you wake up and realize that no matter what her opinion of anything is, now or ever, you don't want her in your life anymore.

... and mean it.

In that moment you will have your future back. The great unknown actually become bearable because the "what if" that is her won't exist anymore. There won't be a "what if", you will have decided "no what if, I don't want that in my life.".

It's tough where you are right now, but turn it over and look hard at it. Let's say she came over RIGHT NOW and stood on your doorstep and professed her undying love for you.

On what basis could you believe it? Fantasy alone, that's what. That girl is the one who is capable of dangling you along day after day completely carefree about what it does to you. That girl might choose words occasionally that say you're special, but she doesn't believe it. She's shown you that already.

The real girl who is out there ready to adore you and cherish you is being kept away by your current dilemma, so the sooner you take charge again, the sooner you get to meeting her. And she may be several girlfriends away, there may be several chapters to go for you.

So, go to sleep each night knowing you feel badly and be OK with that, because one morning you'll wake up and YOU will have decided this chapter is over. And what a new day that will be.

Til then, we're all rooting for you.

[howareutoday134]

I just wish there was a fastlane to that spot cause right now all I want is her back

[JBeaucaire]

So play that scenario out fully in your mind. If you're going to sit there pining after her, pine after her accurately.

"Oh how I miss the girl who sort of likes me. I so miss having someone by my side looking around for someone better than me. I miss how she can take breaks whenever she wants and leave me feeling like a two-bit loser, like I love to feel. If only she were here right now hugging and kissing on me occasionally, that would totally make up for the hours and weeks of uncertainty and emptiness I feel all the time now, even when she's here, because I would hate to have anyone else but her, especially someone who might actually pine after me!? That would be awful..."

[talaniman]

Your just plain stuck! WHY??

Because,
You still want her and she knows it.
So she can talk to you anytime because you will be there wanting her.

Because,
The catch is she doesn't want you. She knows that too, by the way. But she can always tell her girlfriends your still wanting her, and your always there when she has nothing to do.

Because,
With little contact, and no effort, she knows your there, and with just a simple word, she keeps you full of false hope that she will take you back. Any attention she gives you is better than none. RIGHT!!

Because,
None of this is her fault, or problem, because as soon as something better comes along, she won't have time for you at all, AND you could have avoided this whole mess by simply disappearing from her life, and getting your own thing to do. Its you who allow you to be her helpless, stuck, hostage.

Because,
But your stuck! And all you can see is getting her back. Your way hasn't worked very well has it? And it never will, so after almost 9 pages of people telling you to leave her alone, and move on, when is enough BS, enough?

How long will you be stuck?? That's completely up too you.

You want to get on the fast lane to happiness, and stop being stuck? Give up on her, and let her wonder where you are for a change.

[vanheart]

Stop & listen.

Not only to us, but, what you're saying, and hehehe, everything.

I mean everything in your life. Listen.

If we don't listen, we don't learn. On a daily basis.

Doesn't seem like you know how, or want to.

How about this, listen:
She's gone, you're dumped.
She's moving on, you're not.
You want her, she doesn't want you.

Hmm. What's your question again?

Go NC, buddy. Your life is in front of you, not behind.

She's not your end.

[howareutoday134]

Thanks guys I just don't want to have any regrets or what if's.

[jaffeyjoeblaze]

Dude I have gone through this! I hate the fact my ex has moved on but I realized that my relationship with her was dysfunctional and unhealthy and just not what we both needed!

Seize the opportunity now! I can't remember how many times I wished I was out of the relationship and I finally got my wish, hated it, but now I'm starting to love the idea!

The adventure of meeting new people, no worries about an insecure girlfriend, always arguing, etc! Life is only beginning my friend!

Also think about the negative what ifs! What if I stayed and my career never got on track? What if I kept her and I cheated on her?

See what ifs can go either way...

[JBeaucaire]

Thanks guys i just dont want to have any regrets or what if's.

Yes, you do. Regrets and "what-ifs" are just another word for growing. I think you just don't want to feel this pain, the natural "ouch" of this stage... and again, yes you do.

This is how we learn.

This girl was not your dream girl, she was your most recent experiment and you have learned quite a bit. One of the things I hope your learning is that your personal feelings for a girl don't actually correlate directly to how good a "match" you are.

You feel about her the way feel, you have little if any control over it. This is why "bad matches" make such good movies... it's very dramatic and entertaining to watch, and a nightmare to live it.

No, good matches aren't made solely on the heart and what it pines for, good matches are made by dedicating yourself to only settle for the person who gets you, accepts you, bolsters you in heart, mind and spirit.

That's the girl you're going to meet. I promise.

[howareutoday134]

This girl was not your dream girl, she was your most recent experiment and you have learned quite a bit. .

That's a pretty bold statement don't you think?

[vanheart]

Not really.

Dreams vs. reality. (waking up)

You just haven't learned yet. Use this.

And yes, don't ever settle, use your gut & feelings from now on. Not needs or expecations.

If this was right, then you wouldn't have an ex. For whatever the reasons.

Remember that.

[howareutoday134]

It could still be right people do get back together you never know

[vanheart]

Yup, you never know.

But what are you going to do? Wait around? Play the lottery.

If you really want to look into the future, go NC and take a look at yourself.

One that doesn't need someone to define their existence.

[JBeaucaire]

Thats a pretty bold statement dont you think?

The "dream girl" part or the "you learned quite a bit" part? Cause I stand by both!

Hehe, the last thing you want is advocates who answer back with platitudes and half-committed cheerleading.

Yes, absolutely, bold and confident. The best way to be.

I know she isn't your dream girl because most people use that term wrong anyway. They think it's someone in their future or their present.

No, your dream girl is the girl who has already stood by you over the years, faced the good and the ill the world has thrown at you two and never wavered. Your dream girl is the girl has done the time, fought the fight, and still brags to her girlfriends about you.

"Dream girl" is something that has to be earned, and you'll know what I mean someday. I celebrate my 25th anniversary with my dream girl this coming March.

And trust me, when we were dating and first married, we weren't "dream anything". Hehe.

[vanheart]

Yup. You haven't found it yet. That's all right.

But you will.

With recognition, adjustments and awareness. Not fantasy.

BTW, Happy 25th JB. Nice.

[howareutoday134]

Well just had another wave of depression hit me about an hour ago :( I just want someone to love even if it isn't her

[talaniman]

Do something besides wallow in your depression. It will pass if you let it. Those feelings come from self pity, and an idle mind, so get up and get busy.

[howareutoday134]

I know your right Tal just trying to get it through my thick skull