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olurounke · Dec 7, 2009, 01:13 PM

I was with my boyfriend for ten months we lived together an I loved him very much but one night I was out an drunk an he wasn't answering his phone so I went to a party what happened to be at my ex boyfriends.. I lied about were I went and it was only till he found out that I admitted it he now thinks I cheated he says I can't of loved him to do that an that he hates me I love him so much an I just want him back what can I do?

Imabadman · Dec 7, 2009, 01:16 PM

So did you cheat or not? By your subject title you did. Not to mention lied.

There's no relationship without trust. You broke that trust. You can only apologizes and hope for the best.

olurounke · Dec 7, 2009, 01:19 PM

No it was the mistake of I went to the party and I lied which makes it look like I did..

Imabadman · Dec 7, 2009, 01:20 PM

Well you make an honest apology and hope for the best.

olurounke · Dec 7, 2009, 01:22 PM

I have done that I know he loves me yh but I think maybe because I'm always textin him he knows I will still be here you get me

Imabadman · Dec 7, 2009, 01:30 PM

So quit texting. You made an apology, told him how you felt... that's it. You did what you could. Now it's up to him to make up his mind. Begging and pleading will only serve to drive him further away.

I would suggest you give him a wide birth, lots of space, and of course time to rationalize his decision.

artlady · Dec 7, 2009, 01:43 PM

You need to regain his trust.Ask him what he wants you to do to regain the trust you caused him to lose.
If the relationship was good before this event,it may just take him time to get over his anger and feelings of betrayal.
Tell him you will do whatever it takes to get him to trust you again even if that includes severing all ties with the ex.

emopunk7 · Dec 7, 2009, 02:01 PM

Why would you go to an exs party?

I wish · Dec 7, 2009, 02:20 PM

Give him some time to cool off, then apologize to him calmly. You made a mistake, so now you have to face the consequences of your actions.

See what he thinks you can do to repair the trust that has been broken.

Jake2008 · Dec 8, 2009, 02:37 AM

So what did you do so wrong that you need to plead and beg forgiveness?

You went to a party that was at an ex's place, you didn't sleep with him or anybody else.

What is your boyfriends' problem?

talaniman · Dec 8, 2009, 08:32 AM

You have done all you can, now leave him alone to decide without your influence. What you did was maybe stupid, but if he can't forgive you, then you don't need him.

If you loved him so much, you would have handled yourself much differently.

slapshot_oi · Dec 8, 2009, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Why would you go to an exs party?

Why not?

Originally Posted by Jake2008

So what did you do so wrong that you need to plead and beg forgiveness?

She lied to her boyfriend.

Going to the party wasn't a big deal, but lying about it was pretty dumb. If I were him, I wouldn't trust you either. You just have to wait it out at this point.

Jake2008 · Dec 8, 2009, 09:54 AM

I still say that, while you may have lied about where you were, what is it about your boyfriend that you felt you had to lie in the first place. You went to a party that happened to be at your ex boyfriends house, what's the big deal. You didn't do anything wrong.

What is wrong is that you felt you had to lie about it in the first place, but who hasn't lied about where they've been. You could have gone to another party, or a bar, or the mall and run into the ex, and may have wished to skip that information too.

I think it's minor, and I think your boyfriend is over reacting.

ohsohappy · Dec 8, 2009, 10:07 AM

You say he hates you, but are you still together? If so, I think maybe he's just pissed about the lying part.
Maybe there was a reason information like that would be important to him, because he needs to know that you can trust him enough to tell him things, even if they might upset him.
I mean, if you can't tell him the truth about something like this, then how can he expect you to tell him the truth if you HAD cheated?
The fact that you felt the need to hide it from probably rose suspicion, if nothing happened, then why wouldn't you just tell him about it in the first place? And when it's at an Ex-Boyfriend's place, I'm sure it can rouse more suspicion.

I feel that, if you are together still, that you tell him things, ESPECIALLY if you feel like it would be worse if he found out later. Talk about stuff. I'm not saying let him keep tabs on everything you do, but let him know if you might be somewhere he might not agree with, just so he knows that you can feel safe in telling him. And hey, keep your phone on you, but don't spend the whole party talking to him. But just in case he calls, I'd say be ready to answer, or at least text. But don't put up with him calling every 30 minutes to an hour depending on how long you're there. He just needs to know that he CAN get ahold of you, to relieve any worries he might have, but he shouldn't abuse it. You need your fun and own personal social life too, and you shouldn't have to drop everything for him and not have fun so that he can feel more secure. This probably seems a bit mixed-messagy but it's all in moderation. It's so you can mitigate the situation so it doesn't blow up later.