[ziamacabe]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and was completely devoted to him and totally in love with him. The problem is that it is long-distance (transatlantic). The first year was wonderful, as we were both students and managed to stay up all night talking to each other and flew backwards and forwards in the holidays. I moved to his country until my visa ran out and then had to return to mine to wait until we could work out a plan to be together. The ball was in his court and our relationship was completely in his control. Being with him made me so happy, but being apart from him without having any time point when I would see him again made me absolutely miserable. I was going through some other personal stuff at the time anyway, so was just generally in a really dark place. Both of our situations changed and it became much harder to stay in contact on the phone, and our relationship became strained. After 5 long months of not having seen him and not knowing when he might get his act together and come over to me, and having been stuck completely in limbo, I decided to do a project abroad. I left the country, made new friends and finally felt like I was living again, and that I could breathe. I was so determined to be happy out there that I threw myself into it wholeheartedly - he would get very angry with me for not being in contact with himenough, but I did my best, it was hard out there. It came to the point where every time we spoke, it wasn't making either one of us happy and I began to have doubts about whether it was what I wanted. Such a long period of being apart had made everything go numb and I didn't feel like I knew what I wanted or even who I was anymore. I met someone out there and depsite resisting at first, I let something happen. And it made me really happy. For the first time in a year I didn't feel alone. But a few days later, everything came flooding back to me and I realised what I'd done and what I'd given up. I told my boyfriend because I wanted to be honest with him and because I didn't think the relationship could have worked if I didn't. At first he was hurt but we were working through it. He said he forgave me and would always love me. But then he stopped taking my calls, responding to my emails everything. It's been months now and I have cried every single day. The worst part is that I know it's all my fault and I have no one else to blame, but I turned to a friend for comfort when I was feeling alone and I let it go too far. I am so ashamed of what I've done. He was my best friend and now he just doesn't want to know. Every time I make any kind of move towards feeling a bit better, he gets in contact, but it'll be some short, cold email, but filled with questions, so that I have to repsond. Every single time, I get my hopes back up and then have to go through it all again. It's got to the point where I feel it is hopeless and I don't know now if he is trying to be cruel to punish me and hurt me, or if he is trying to be a 'nice guy' by being contact, but genuinely doesn't care anymore. I don't know what do. I just want to make him see how much I love him. Does anyone have any advice?

[MissMax143]

I don't know, I feel for you girl! Tears came to my eyes I think you are blaming yourself a little too much. Your “relationship” was kind of broken and you went to find yourself! I do not think anything is wrong with that. People sometimes have to make mistakes to see what's right and where there feelings truly are. I mean under the circumstances I feel you did not do anything wrong, and you were honest about it too! I could be wrong but you don't seem like the type of person who met someone else just to be dishonest and get you kicks off! He should see that too!!
If he really loves you I think he would understand , you said he did and you were working it out. Maybe he just could not deal… but that is no excuse to make you suffer and that is what you need to tell him.

[talaniman]

This pen pal relationship will never work with the distance between you. Its hard to bond, and share, and care, grow and learn, together from across a continent.

[gorgeouslady]

Long distance relationships never work.been there,done that.it's just a pure waste of time because "out of sight is out of mind".I don't think what you did was wrong in any way.you were trying to find happiness and everyone deserves it.stop being so hard on yourself and if he doesn't contact you anymore just let him go and live life as it comes to you.