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estel36 · Nov 30, 2009, 07:03 PM

Why does the mother of my husband's child dispise me?

CptJaneway · Nov 30, 2009, 07:23 PM

Because he is with you and not with her and the kids. It doesn't matter if she loves him or not, or if she even likes him anymore. Call it transference, call it jealousy.. . Happens all the time. You get to be the focus of all of her pent up anger. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt (and the 20 yr relationship!). Don't let it affect your marriage.. . This too shall pass.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 30, 2009, 08:25 PM

So you tell us, why do you think, seriously, what does she say

JoeCanada76 · Nov 30, 2009, 08:31 PM

Not much to go on by here.

As far as I know there are no mind readers here, or psychics.

estel36 · Nov 30, 2009, 08:37 PM

Meaning when the baby comes around she doesn't want me around. Not even my husband and he's the father he has done everything right by her except be with her.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 30, 2009, 08:42 PM

And thus the issue, she is using or trying to use the child to control him.

And what do you mean "when the baby comes around"
Does he not have court ordered days and times that he gets the child, and is he paying the court ordered child support along with other items, insurance or other

estel36 · Nov 30, 2009, 08:46 PM

Yes, he did everything by the book he went to put hisself on child support a order was written it was going OK until the baby turned a year old now the baby suppose to be with my husband without supervision from her. Now she doesn't come around she doesn't answer her calls so that he can see the baby.

dontknownuthin · Dec 2, 2009, 08:29 PM

First, you can't know whether he's been a perfect father or not - you don't know what his relationship with this woman has been. Second, the fact that he's had a child with her but didn't want to be with her is very hurtful, so she may feel you are in her place and resent you for it. Also, the fact that he choses not to be with her is resulting in her child having a two-household family, and dividing the child's time between two parents, which has the unwanted impact of denying both parents of some time - the time they are with the other parent. And there you are, a husband and wife, providing to her child the two parent home that your husband probably promised to her, only he's thrown her out of it.

There may be other things but these would be my guess. While your husband may be wonderful in some ways, he's clearly made some whopper mistakes - like having a child with a woman he doesn't love enough to marry for one big one, and probably misrepresenting his intentions to her as well. So, don't be too quick to give him an award for father of the year.

If your objective is to resolve the problem, you might want to have an adult conversation with her - ask her to lunch maybe, or coffee. Tell her that you recognize things have been hard and strained and hurtful between the two of you, but that you want to do what you can to make sure that her child's needs are met. Tell her flat out "I'm not trying to take your place and know I couldn't anyway - you're his mommy". And mean it - don't move into her territory or try to one-up her.

Mistique · Dec 2, 2009, 08:59 PM

Apparently dontknownuthin; knows a lot of something!!

It is true, this girl that has your husband's baby is really hurt.
1) Rejection;
2) Raising the child on her own;
3) Relationship failure;
4) Your husband is moving on.

The babies mama is feeling a lot of pressure because she wanted it to work with the babies daddy... as in most cases. Then here you are; her daddies babies wife! You are an obstacle in her eyes. Honestly, one day, this baby is going to be a sibling to one of your children... all you can do is pick up the phone and help. Babysit, financial support and moral support.

I have to ask you... this didn't happen while you and your husband where getting together or where together? His relationship default can also be a future issue for you. Please give us a bit more information to help.