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his_wifey2009 · Nov 25, 2009, 12:53 PM

Some of you may have seen my other question on here about me and my boyfriend well, now I have another problem. I need someone's help (A guys) My boyfriend gets calls on his phone sometimes from girls he never answers though when we talked about it he said they're just friends and when I say why can't you answer he says he doesn't want to talk to them, well the other day he was at my house and some girl names Caole called and he didn't answer I went to take a shower later that night and when I got out he was on the phone he said all right and hung up when I got in the room trying to make it seem he was talking to someone else, well he turned his phone on silent I didn't say anything because I didn't know forsure who he was talking too, a little later I looked at his phone and it was the Caole girl he only got to talk for 26 sec... He says she is a friend but if that's the case why won't he answer with me there why is he trying to hide it? Please Help!!

mudweiser · Nov 25, 2009, 01:19 PM

You should TALK to him.

From your previous threads you can see you LACK communication.

You NEED to talk to HIM!

amicon · Nov 25, 2009, 01:47 PM

If you can't communicate, there is no relationship. Talk to him or walk away.

jaime90 · Nov 25, 2009, 05:11 PM

You don't need a guy to reply to figure this one out. Whether you're a man, a woman, or heck- anywhere in between, one of the best things for a relationship is commucation. When these situations come up (and for most of us, they do) the last thing you want to do is to sit around and wonder about it constantly. You'll end up jumping to conclusions, and reading WAY too far into the situation. If you have doubts, if you think you've misunderstood, or you don't quite get what he (or she) is feeling- you NEED to ask, sit down, and talk about it. You don't get anywhere just thinking to yourself.

his_wifey2009 · Nov 26, 2009, 10:08 AM

We talked about it. I don't like to talk about it because my hormones are all messed up so I cry. He says they are friends. I KNOW he isn't cheating because we basically LIVE together and were about to on Tuesday! I JUST HATE when he tries to hide it. He said the girl that he talked to when I was in the shower he hasn't talked to since last summer, but the thing is he has a new number so how did she get his number? And before I got in the shower she called and he didn't answer she called again when I was in the shower why did he decide to answer? He said he didn't mean to answer it. He said he doesn't know! Then Lady J Traci is contacting him too I don't know if maybe it is just jealousy... Because of our problems in the past.. I love him and he is WHO I WANT TO BE WITH! He thinks that I take it out of paportion... I need to know if anyone else from the way I'm telling if you think he is cheating.

I wish · Nov 26, 2009, 10:39 AM

Talking to him is a first step, but if you don't like his answers, then you have a bigger problem.

Your trust in him is very thin at the moment and he's not giving you any reason to trust him by being so secretive.

You can't just talk about the issue, you need to work out a compromise with each other so that you don't have to keep suspecting him.

Jake2008 · Nov 26, 2009, 11:37 AM

You have to trust your intincts, and act on them to satisfy your need to know the truth. If he won't come clean, you have a very good reason not to trust him.

The bigger question is what are you going to do about it.

If you ask, plead, threaten to leave, cry, yell and pout, you are only feeding into his need to keep you confused. If you suspect one thing, and let it go, or justify it, you are back to the knee jerk response, he wins, it goes around and bites you in the derrierre again.

Present your opinions, fears, and suspicions, and deflect counter-criticism, particularly of a personal nature. By that I mean, if he says, 'you are being ridiculous', or 'I'm telling you the truth', or otherwise turning the tables on you to make you think you have a problem, not him, stay calm, and stick to the topic.

No tears, nothing. State how you feel, because that is the way you feel. Not negotiable. If you are suspicious, say why, again, these thoughts belong to YOU, no compromise. If you doubt his lame excuses, say so! Do not allow the conversation to revert to YOU not understanding, or YOU not getting it.

He is being untruthful, there is no doubt about that.

Again, it is up to you to either deal with it in a mature way, or let it go and hope for the best.

Gemini54 · Nov 26, 2009, 01:43 PM

I don't know if he's cheating, but it certainly seems as if he isn't being honest. Ask him to tell you want is really going on and don't make a fuss when you talk to him about it.

If it's as trivial as he says it it and you're 'just blowing it out of proportion' then he should be willing to be honest. Don't let him accuse you of paranoia, that's just deflecting it back on to you.

You need to listen to what he says and don't jump to conclusions. It may be that you're making it bigger than what it is, and he's not speaking to her when you're there because he'll know you overreact.

You may love this guy, but you can't talk to each other it's not worth the effort.