[ashey23ole]

So I met this guy a month ago and we instantly felt a connection, I later found out he had a girlfriend. We would still talk hours on hours on the phone. I have never felt so captured by someone before. He talks about his issues with his girlfriend and how its an on and off thing and his feelings for her are decling YET he is stilll with her. The way we talk would defenitely upset her, I feel he is being emotionally infidel to her but he treats me great. I truly believe he is stuck in a unhappy relationship because she is manipulative and controlling. How can I make him see she's not right for him or better yet, that I'm a better candidate? Is it not my place? He already admitted that he felt like a bad person and guilty because he talks to me even when his girlfriend tells him he can't (crazyyy). He admits he likes me and sees potential but is worried to see me again because he might "cross the line" and someone may get hurt. I do want to see him but I don't want him to be unfaithful to her. Not to say this is something sexual, but we have undoubtable chemistry between us, who knows what can happen. I also was afriad that I may just be an outlet for him when they are having their troubles, but he says that isn't the case.

What do I do? Thoughts? I really would hate to miss the chance in a potential amazing relationship but I know its risky to mess with an unavailable man. Maybe him seeing me again will open his eyes? Or am I just going to end up hurt?:confused:

Thanks!

[amicon]

This is a classic-my wife /gf doesn't understand me. He is as you yourself point out, emotionally cheating on his girlfriend so red flag -he s capable of cheating,not a good sign.
You know what the advice will be, walk away from this-now.
When someone is in a relationship they're not available so avoid heartbreak and cut him out of your life.

[rosemcs]

This kind of stuff is so common. Tell him that he can come to you when he is not with his girlfriend anymore. If he really likes you more than her, then he will go crazy, and may eventually end up in your direction.

Stick to what you say and don't talk to him at all until he gets his act together. He needs to make a decision. If he doesn't come your way, then you got out early enough before it became a mess.

[wee_sod]

Well point out the obvious too him let him know exactly how you feel. And from experience warn him... he may end up having a child with this person and then be stuck with them the rest of his life (together or not). And if she is controlling and manipulative he needs to stand up for himself, maybe you can guide him through and help him get through the process. But don't rush into a relationship with him if he does end up not being with her...

[I wish]

Taken = Off-limits

Do you really want to be the "other woman"? Do you want to be the girl he cheats with?

You're setting yourself up for a heartbreak, because he's emotionally cheating on his girlfriend. How many other girls do you think he emotionally cheats with?

Even if he broke up with his girlfriend to be with you, who's to say he won't be emotionally cheating with other women?

If he was THAT unhappy, he would break up with her. So there must be something keeping him in the relationship.

Save yourself from a huge disappointment. If you still have feelings for him, then keep your distance.

[pfanatic]

I'll say something different from the others. I'm a woman, but I was once that "man". I don't know about him, but I can swear to you while I was in a bad relationship and I found a male person who can listen and comfort me, I felt so good! He felt chemistry. I felt friendship and a connection. We wanted differents things but both of us were blind to see it. I was in a mess with my boyfriend, he was falling in love with me. Do I think I cheated emotionally? NO. is the man from your question? I personaly don't think so. He's miserable. He probably sees you only as s friend. He would leave his girlfriend if he wanted to be with you. He feels guilty probably because his girlfriend is controlling him by not allowing to have female friends etc. but he loves HER.

Just to give you a different perspective. Things are not always as they seem to most.

[talaniman]

You are attracted to a guy with a girlfriend, whom you have only known for a month. Your already swallowing his story hook, line, and sinker, without facts, because he tells you what you want to hear, and you believe it, because you want to.

You sound like one of those people who's brain shuts down when they meet a guy they like. Then they claim innocence, and get mad, when they find out he is stringing them along.

The truth is your helping him get close, so he can do what he does to you, by making her the bad guy, and he is the innocent victim. So why is he still there? How can you trust a guy who admits to cheating on his girlfriend while still trying to get close to you?

Don't you know this is the oldest game in the book? And if you fall for it, its as much your fault as his.

Have no doubt he will get carried away by his "feelings" for you if you continue to let him get closer, and closer.

At least you haven't had sex yet, and have time to engage your brain, and do your homework on this fellow, and kick him, and his cheating ways to the curb, before you get carried away by your feelings, and cross the lines of good behavior.

Even talking to him the way you do is not appropriate. How do you deal with an unavailable man? You don't!!

[jmw0713]

He admits he likes me and sees potential but is worried to see me again because he might "cross the line" and someone may get hurt.

Since he has a girlfriend already, the person that may end up getting hurt is you.

History has a way of repeating itself with this sort of thing. Lets say he does leave his current girlfriend for you, what happens 6 months down the line when he meets another chick and paints the same picture about you?

Of course his girlfriend doesn't want him talking to you. This is already emotional cheating. She is not crazy, she is just getting the hint about what's going on between you both.

If your boyfriend was talking to some girl the same way you two are talking, wouldn't you get a little pissed. I know I would if my girlfriend did that... oh wait that already happened to me! I guess that's why she's an ex now.

[Synnen]

Of course she doesn't want him talking to you! He invests emotionally in YOU what he should be investing into the relationship.

She's not controlling--she's suspicious. And rightfully so.

He gets to choose whether he is REALLY miserable with her, or whether you're just a treat on the side and his relationship with her is fine--except for you butting into it.

And regardless the "real" situation, someone's already going to be hurt: You, if he stays with her; him, if it's as miserable as he says it is but he won't leave her anyway; or her, if he leaves her for you.

[Devorameira]

Sort of sounds like you're already having an emotional affair with him. A lot of men use that "my girl/wife" doesn't understand me, doesn't treat me right, blah blah blah talk to get in another lady's pants. I would run away from that situation. If you don't, someone will definitely be hurt.

[Jake2008]

It is important that he is telling you nothing that you can actually verify. What he says about his girlfriend, her characteristics and traits, only paints enough of a picture so you have an 'idea' that he is somehow an honorable man.

The 'hero' in him comes out in 'protective mode' and worries about your well being, in case he crosses the line. He makes no effort to feed you anything other than what needs to be said, in order to satisfy his need to cheat on his girlfriend. Even if some of what he says is true, his problems should be the sole domain of his relationship with his girlfriend, until such time as there is no longer a relationship.

If he is having problems with her, he needs to work them out- with her. An honorable man would not keep two women hanging on while he makes a decision which one he wants. All the while feeding both of them enough b.s. to sink a battleship. An honorable man would end a relationship that wasn't working, before he went into another one. An honorable man would not pit one woman against the other, nor would he be in two relationships at the same time.

Step up and do the right thing. Tell him to deal with his problems with his girlfriend. If he ever decides he can be single and not blame cheating on somebody else, then maybe you might consider a relationship with him. But, don't be surprised if he does hook up with you, and find another one on the side. Men like this are a dime a dozen.

You can do better.

[ashey23ole]

So I saw him... it was wonderful... we made plans to meet up for a 4th time after he visits his girlfriend at work... then I get a text "I can't see you, i can't do this sorry.." I'm guessing she found out about us planning to hang out.

This was after he attempted to have sex with me but I said NO... repeatedly..

Sighs... where are the good AVAILABLE men?

[ashey23ole]

I never contacted him since then and haven't heard from him either.

Its important to note that the CHARMERS are the one to avoid. His charm was my poison.. I got myself in a bad situation but I'm done with him, thanks for all the insight...

[amicon]

Good at least now you know what you don't want! And don't worry there are good and available men out there.

[jmw0713]

Yes... It's time to stop playing these games. He is toying with you, you are going right along with it. Next thing you know, you will be the person he cheats on her with. That makes you just as bad as him in that type of situation.

Do you want to be that person?

What if that person he cheated on was you?

BTW, I'm a good man and available! Where are all the mature, level headed, and adventurous women?:confused:

[Jake2008]

Nobody is perfect, but the more you go through life, the more you realize how easy it is to get involved with people who play other people.

I'm sure you'll be a lot more critical next time, and listen to you instincts.