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talaniman · Oct 22, 2009, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by mdoli

Or is rationalizing this or even giving it a thought just a plain waste of time and to just keep it pushing forward.

That's your answer, because as you move forward and have gotten yourself unblinded by love and hurt, you'll have your answers, and can relate to them much better with a clear head.

mdoli · Oct 22, 2009, 04:34 PM

Thank you, Honestly I really appreciate hearing from people in third party based opinions because I myself still do have emotion in this that is still there obviously but in time that emotion I know will be replace with full clear logic.

It's so funny and this may be a tad bit sappy. But that old song I will survive by Gloria Gaynor how much the words somehow hit home with the way I felt and do feel now. Kind funny and make me laugh a bit..

paxe · Oct 22, 2009, 04:40 PM

I'm listening to Beverhills Cop tune, it could help you out also.

mdoli · Oct 25, 2009, 08:03 PM

Just wanted to update real quick

So tomorrow is my birthday which is on a Monday, but I must say in light of everything happening recently I carried on and went out and had myself a damn good time this weekend for myself and it felt good. :)

To bad tomorrow I would love to have the day off from classes and to just go to some places and spoil myself.

I must say thanks to the many of you that I just vented too and asked for advice because it truly helped me.

Much appreciated, and cheers. :)

paxe · Oct 25, 2009, 08:17 PM

Hehe, I love when people get better! I'm really happy for you man, keep it up!

talaniman · Oct 25, 2009, 08:18 PM

Have a good birthday guy, why not?

amicon · Oct 25, 2009, 11:39 PM

Great-Happy Birthday!

mdoli · Nov 19, 2009, 07:20 AM

Hey everyone that's read my question and just helped me out. First of all thank you, secondly I just wanted to give an update to how everything is and ask a question that maybe I can get som advice on.

Everything has been good as concrning the ex girlfriend. On occasion she does text asking how things are and things of that sort. I either ignore or reply with minimal conversation. So I guess it's safe to say I could really careless about the no contact at this point because I'm rather far removed from this whole thing, funny how I had a hard time thinking I could ever be this way.

My question which I need some advice on is this new girl that I have started casually dating, going to dinners, movies, bars, etc. She is a classmate of mine that I met, she is also older than me and being with someone more mature is so it's really nice. We started talking twith each othermore and more this last month beyond friendship. We have even kissed and made out couple times. I'm really starting to like her and she has told me that's she feels the same. I just basically need some advice on how to progress this in the right way as I don't want to mess it up.

Any advice would be appreciated.

amicon · Nov 19, 2009, 07:33 AM

Are you completely over your breakup? Casual dating and meeting new people is a good thing but if you've not healed from your previous relationship you run the risk of getting yourself involved in a rebound which isn't fair on the other person.

mdoli · Nov 19, 2009, 08:15 AM

I believe I am over my last relationship, I don't hold any I'll feelings towards my ex nor do I wish to be with her in any kind of way. I am really attracted to this girl and would like to continue seeing her in the way things have been goingbut I don't want to rush into anything, nor would I consider it a rebound if things were to progress well n we did get into a relationship.

I just really like this girl for her, her character, personality, an just bunch of other cute things that appeal to me that I notice when we are together.

paxe · Nov 19, 2009, 08:22 AM

Amicon is right, there is no rush in getting serious right now. One should learn to be single first. Make sure you are completely over your ex and you're just not using this new girl as a rebound. If possible go slow with her.

mdoli · Nov 19, 2009, 08:48 AM

The thing is in my mind I wouldn't consider her a rebound but you're right about taking things slow.

How do I not make it not be or seem like a rebound when to me in my mind it doesn't feel that.

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 09:05 AM

By taking it slow when getting to know each other better. Tone down on the flirtiness and focus on casual conversations.

Don't be friends with her just because you want to jump into a new relationship.

Keep things casual, i.e. neutral settings for hanging out. Not romantic places that could signify you want something more, e.g. a romantic dinner.

Keep getting to know other people. Don't just focus in on this one girl.

talaniman · Nov 19, 2009, 11:41 AM

Your having fun, that's good! Just don't fall in so deep you can't see reality. If you were to look around in a realistic manner, I am quite sure you would see and understand that you could click with any number of females on this level, and have just as much fun. When your honest with yourself, and can be honest with others, you don't have to be an item, or need a title to define the relationship.

Its fun now because your strangers getting to know each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

mdoli · Nov 29, 2009, 06:20 PM

so thought I would update here as I have a question with it as well,

I have taken your advice regarding this new girl that's come in my life and stuck to the friendship thing and just having fun knowing each other on that level its nice and I enjoy it quite well actually.

this question has to do with my ex and ex's in general.

This is what I saw with my own eyes actually, I was on my friends laptop today and he had his Facebook up, he and my ex are friends on their. Well I felt a bit nosey and decided to just look at her Facebook page and on their this is what I happen to find out. She is in a relationship with this guy that I know from another town. The guy isn't the most nicest or so to say attractive looking guy. But that is besides the point, I know who he is and he is by far not the greatest person in how he treats people and well just all around a tool!.

When she spoke to my friend couple days ago she had told him that he was this great guy and done with school and all this stuff that made him seem so great. My friend had told me this and I really at that time wasn't concerned with it at all, so I decided to check who this guy was and found out..

She had blatantly lied to my friend about who this guy was. And pretty much a good bit about him.

My question is how can someone be so false to lie enough to someone I know and build up a person who she is dating to be so great when in fact they really aren't..

my only thought on this is that she wants to make me feel bad in some way.. or something to that extent..

another thing is that just a week ago when she would text me randomly she would tell me she loved me and then I found this out, I won't front here but this to me is so manipulative and such a insult to those words and especially myself..

how the heck can people be so cruel and turn out to be this way.

just some feedback would be appreciated.

paxe · Nov 29, 2009, 06:27 PM

I got a text a couple of months after my breakup: I love you, I'm missing you.
I called her back not to do that again. End of story.
You can do the same thing or just block her number. There might be tons of reasons she is doing this, but you should think of yourself right now.

She is feeling withdrawal symptoms and doesn't have control over you, i.e. you are taking the power back by applying NC.

talaniman · Nov 29, 2009, 08:56 PM

1) That's exactly why you take your time to get to know someone, before the love induced fog sets in.

2) Most times we only think we know someone, but we don't.

3) People lie to get what they want, or make you think they are better than what you are.

4) People have their own motives, and agenda, they may not tell you about, but you find out later, usually after its to late.

Take your pick as to which reason fits, as they can all be true.

mdoli · Nov 30, 2009, 02:36 AM

Should I feeling betrayal, anger, hurt, maniuplayed, played and screwed with because that's what I have been feeling by all of this and most definitely isn't the fact that she is with this guy but how she used me and how much lied to I have been that just came full circle for me to find out.

I have probably contemplated at least 20 times on calling her and giving her a piece of mind l but I know that's a huge mistake. I don't know maybe feel better doing that. And I have the biggest urge to just break this nc that I have kept for two weeks now especially because of this.

It's definitely a shock that I didn't think would stay in my mind for long but somehow is...

amicon · Nov 30, 2009, 03:18 AM

If that's the way it makes you feel,acknowledge your feelings and than try to move on from them.
Write everything down,then destroy the piece of paper,but don't break NC over it,that would be a step backwards.
Remember,she only holds as much power over you as you allow her to.

talaniman · Nov 30, 2009, 06:25 AM

Amicons suggestion is a wise course of action for your healing.

Confronting her out of anger, and frustration does you no good, and your "feel better" will only be temporary. It changes nothing, as you still will be left to deal with your feelings on your own.

Exercise or physical activity are better emotional outlets for your intense feelings, and moving on to better things is your best revenge.

I would stay off her Facebook, and not take it personally whatever she was doing, or saying to others, because in reality, its no longer your business, nor concern.