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howareutoday134 · Nov 18, 2009, 09:36 AM

Hello... im going to try and keep this as short as possible but here it goes. So my girlfriend of almost three years decided about a month ago that we needed to take a break. At first she didn't really give me a reason for this break and I was terribly confused. Then recently we met and discussed things and it appears that she just is wanting to make sure that we are right for each other before we take the next step of getting engaged. However, I'm confused because I'm sure of the way I feel about her and not sure what to do next. She tells me that she might just need another week to a month to figure things out. But that she can't see herself without me and that she knows that no one else will love her like I do. What do you guys think I should do?

I wish · Nov 18, 2009, 10:00 AM

If you're sure of how you feel about her, then you've done your part. Now her let figure things out on her end.

What do you do next? You wait. Be patient.

She will contact you when she's ready to talk. Go do your own thing and don't just sit by the phone to wait for her to call.

kctiger · Nov 18, 2009, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by howareutoday134

What do you guys think I should do?

Move on with your life. After another month or a week, she will most likely need more time, and then again more time, then before you know it you have wasted so much of your own life. I am not a huge believer in breaks, especially when it is in order to "figure out if she wants to be with me."

howareutoday134 · Nov 18, 2009, 10:44 AM

Thanks kc I know that I need to move on but I'm just not ready to yet... ive invested so much time into this relationship and she hasn't moved on either... we still talk regularly and I just know in my heart that it isn't over

kctiger · Nov 18, 2009, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by howareutoday134

Thanks kc i know that i need to move on but im just not ready to yet...ive invested so much time into this relationship and she hasnt moved on either...we still talk regularly and i just know in my hear that it isnt over

Well I understand. Just give her some time, but in the mean time, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life as well. There is fun to be had, so go have it, and try not to worry about what you can't control (although I know it is hard not to worry). Good luck!

howareutoday134 · Nov 18, 2009, 04:45 PM

Thanks KC... im trying my best not to worry about it because I know ultimately what's going to happen is going to happen and if its suppose to work out it will. Ive just been having a hard time realizing that all the time but I'm doing my best. I'm also trying my best to keep busy and enjoy life. Just hoping that she will realize sooner rather then later that we are meant to be together or at least realize the other way so I can have some closure and begin to move on.

howareutoday134 · Nov 19, 2009, 05:20 PM

Anyone else have any advice?

Cat1864 · Nov 19, 2009, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by howareutoday134

Hello...im going to try and keep this as short as possible but here it goes. So my girlfriend of almost three years decided about a month ago that we needed to take a break. At first she didn't really give me a reason for this break and I was terribly confused. Then recently we met and discussed things and it appears that she just is wanting to make sure that we are right for each other before we take the next step of getting engaged. However, I'm confused becuase im sure of the way i feel about her and not sure what to do next. She tells me that she might just need another week to a month to figure things out. But that she can't see herself without me and that she knows that no one else will love her like I do. What do you guys think I should do?

I think you need to sit down and think about what you want in the relationship and just how much you are willing to give up including time. How long are you willing to attempt to hold a relationship together without help from the other person?

Quite frankly, I think she is being selfish and thinking only of what she wants and desires and is giving no thought to your feelings and needs. To me, it sounds like she came up with an excuse to keep you tied to her that you would find acceptable and take as a promise for the future while she does what she wants to do.

If she were thinking like a partner in a relationship, she would have discussed her needs and desires with you before deciding that you needed a break from each other for her to know what she wants.

I don't think I would wait for her to make decisions that impact your life. If she isn't willing to discuss her concerns and work on them as a couple now, then she is probably going to keep 'taking breaks' whenever something gets to her in the future.

howareutoday134 · Nov 19, 2009, 06:37 PM

Thanks cat that's one of the things that we talked about when we got together was about how she should have talked this through with me and all before taking this break... and she agreed that she should have handled it better and if she does decide that she wants to get better that's one of the many points I'm planning on bringing up is that when two people are committed to each other that you can't just simply take breaks that you have to work out your issues

On your point about how much time am I willing to give up.. ive already thought about this a lot and if she doesn't know anything differently in the next month then I'm going to just have to move on... I can give another month up for somthin I think has a lifetime of future ahead of it

Rockursock · Nov 19, 2009, 07:24 PM

Okay, what I am going to tell you is going to be extremely hard to do and will take extreme willpower... seriously are you man enough? You love her, but she has shown some distance. You have two choices that I see. Choice 1) which I don't think I'd be able to do is to tell her that she has a choice, to either stop pulling this "we need a break" bs, or to end the situation right then and there. Choice 2) what I would do. Take advantage of this break. If your getting engaged use it as a time to be single again. Not necessarily do anything sexual with anyone, but flirt and have fun and party like you did when you were single and free. Make sure that on this "break" (and again this takes willpower) you give her a break and try not to initiate any communication at all. Make her miss you, and wonder what your doing. Stay busy and keep your mind off her as best as possible. The worst thing to do is not give her the "break" she wants. Take her telling you that "she wants a break" as a warning sign, but also as a last moments of freedom. The warning is that she's getting control of your relationship. YOU CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN

howareutoday134 · Nov 19, 2009, 07:48 PM

What do you mean by she's getting control of the relationship YOU CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN?

talaniman · Nov 21, 2009, 10:35 PM

Let me explain it this way. She dumped you, and put you in the friendzone, and now she has you WITHOUT any commitment. Instead of allowing her the pleasure of you being available on her terms, I think its better to disappear and stop being so available and start doing your own thing.

Needing space clear out of the blue is not a sign she still cares, and frankly, taking a break to see if she still has feelings is utter BS!

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped at least have the sense to disappear, and get your own life.

People get dumped because the romance is dead, and they don't feel the same any more. The reason doesn't matter at all, but the results are the same, you have been dumped.

Now its time to take matters into your own hands and accept it, and not wait to see if she changes her mind.

She just is wanting to make sure that we are right for each other before we take the next step of getting engaged

Translation-Her feelings have changed but she wants you to stick around, and not move on, in case she doesn't find someone better, or she is ready to spend less time with you. This makes you an option and not an obligation and she isn't cheating because your not together.

That's BS!

Gemini54 · Nov 22, 2009, 12:20 AM

I agree with Tal, this sounds very suspicious to me. Who takes a break before getting engaged? Then she says she might tell you in a week or a month what her decision is?

Extreme selfishness alert! Is this really the woman you want to marry that is so insensitive and has such disregard for you feelings? Of course she can see herself without you - that's why she's having the break!

Rockursock is sight - this is warning and she's got you by the short and curlies (as we say here in Australia).

I'd give her the break but make it very very clear that you're having one too. Then I would make myself unavailable for a couple of weeks. She wants the time, give it to her. But on your terms.

Cat1864 · Nov 22, 2009, 05:33 AM

I don't know if she has changed her feelings or not, but I do know that she is treating you like a car she is thinking of purchasing instead of a boyfriend and future husband.

I am curious as to just how she intends to make her decision that you are the one. That sounds to me like she is thinking about doing more than looking around at what she would be giving up as a 'married woman'. Is she test driving a few other models before deciding which one to buy?

talaniman · Nov 22, 2009, 07:44 AM

Its always a big red flag when a couple loses honest communications, and a willingness to work together. She has foregone both.

howareutoday134 · Dec 1, 2009, 08:37 PM

Hello guys its been awhile but I'm back because I need some advice... we are getting ready to talk again and I need some input on what I should try to accomplish... I don't want to be a doormat this time I want to have things I want to accomplish and questions in need answers to... anyone have any input on what I should strive to accomplish I'm about done with this bs but want to give her one more chance

howareutoday134 · Dec 2, 2009, 06:40 AM

Anyone have any ideas I need some help!

amicon · Dec 2, 2009, 07:28 AM

Any conversation that's not based on honest equal communication and which aims at the two of you being willing to work to make a RELATIONSHIP work is pointless. Can you see this happening? If not I'd not bother.

howareutoday134 · Dec 2, 2009, 07:30 AM

I can see things working

howareutoday134 · Dec 2, 2009, 08:38 AM

I'm so hurt right now I've been crying for the past day