[AMBER1787]

Bluntly stated, she wants to have her cake and eat it, too.

My fiancé and his ex "fling" have a 6-year-old son together. The child is NOT in a licensed day-care facility, her friend watches him for mere pennies on the dollar. She and my fiancé have, basically, the same take-home pay. The child does NOT go without. She lives in a city where the cost of living is virtually NOTHING... we live in a coastal city due to our jobs.

She drags him to court every year for more and more money, but this time it's a little bit different. She wants sole custody, to place him under supervised visitation (she has no grounds for this... he is neither a drug addict or a felon --she has a DUI on her record), and she wants more money.


Because we live in a different city than the child, about 200 miles away, we aren't expecting the visitation to go unamended. She and her fiancé agree that the kid "doesn't need to be traveling back and forth to [our city] every other weekend." Honestly, my fiancé dreads spending time with his son because that means he has to deal with her. Also, due to her recent manipulation, the child no longer refer's to his father as "dad"... he's now calling him by his first name... and calling his mother's future husband "daddy," which greatly hurts my fiancé.

He would much rather relinquish his parental rights than deal with her and be hauled into court every year. He feels "stuck with his 6-year-old mistake."
We're pretty sure she'd let him relinquish his rights, but not without still having to pay child support. Why should he still pay HER is she allows him to relinquish his rights?

Is there any way out of it? Can he relinquish his rights (if she allows it) without an adoption taking place? If he can't... Is there anything we can argue or do to keep his child support the same amount as it is? Can we make her PROVE she needs it? We KNOW she doesn't. (She has a new car, braces, boob job, financed toys such as quads and toy haulers)

(We don't care about the visitation. He'd rather just consider the kid a bill and be done with her)

There are other tid-bits to the story... (ie. Based on a woman's gestation period, she could have conceived when he was only 17 and she was 23... and meanwhile, lied saying she couldn't get pregnant)

RESPONSE TO ANSWERS/QUESTIONS---
What is sad... is that she makes his life miserable SO much and so often that he resents the kid for it (especially now that the kid refuses to call him 'dad')... and I see his point because dealing with her has made my opinion shift from 'objective' to 'i hate her too.' at first I thought 'it can't be that bad'... oh, but it is.
She's satan.

In their custody arrangement... they have to ask each other permission before taking him across county lines... she ignores this... but throws a FIT when we ask.

And yes, unfortuanately, his IS making more money now... and she found out through his mom, of all people.

My questions...
Does he still pay HER is she allows him to relinquish his rights?
Is there any way out of it?
Can he relinquish his rights (if she allows it) without an adoption taking place?
(we've heard all she has to do is say 'okay')
If he can't... Is there anything we can argue or do to keep his child support the same amount as it is? Can we make her PROVE she needs it? Example: demanding receipts, making her prove the kid is in a licensed day-care facility.

[NowWhat]

I am not sure what your question is, but unless there is someone wanting to adopt the child, he would still be responsible to pay child support after he relinquished rights to the child.

Is your fiancé making more money than he was when the child support was set up?

If the only real issue is the money and he doesn't care about that (just a bill) - then let her have the sole custody. Visitation - well if there are no grounds, then don't worry about it.

[Synnen]

Turn around and counter-sue for full custody and child support from her.

Seriously, you need a lawyer for this.

You can NOT give up parental rights most of the time, unless it is to pave the way for an adoption. Even if it IS allowed, it's not usually allowed to get out of child support--parental obligation and parental rights are two different things.

So... it's too bad he thinks of a child as a "mistake". If it were me, I'd be fighting for every opportunity to see my child, regardless how much a hassle the other parent was. But--he's not me.

Basically, if you don't get a lawyer for this, she's going to continue to take him to the cleaners. Pay the money now to a lawyer rather than get worked over later by his babymomma.

[RedneckMama]

"Does he still pay HER is she allows him to relinquish his rights?"
... With the track record you already have with her do you really think she'd 'allow' him to relinquish his rights if it meant she wasn't still going to get paid? Doubt it...

"Is there any way out of it?"
... Is "fling's" new fiancée planning on adopting the boy?

"Can he relinquish his rights (if she allows it) without an adoption taking place?"
(we've heard all she has to do is say 'okay')
... Like Syn said, a lawyer could advise you better.. hell, you could even get a couple of free consultations with some just to feel out what the law says in your state; but if your man's only concern is to lower his child support and relinquishing his rights wouldn't do it, why even bother?

"If he can't... Is there anything we can argue or do to keep his child support the same amount as it is?"
... Consider researching whether your state is one of those where child support fluctuates in accordance with visitation time and/or % of custody.. it may end up being worthwhile for him to have more time with his son in order to keep child support the same and/or lowered...

"Can we make her PROVE she needs it?" Example: demanding receipts, making her prove the kid is in a licensed day-care facility.
... Yeah, right... every CS paying NCP's dream: making the CP accountable for every nickel of CS... not going to happen...

[Fr_Chuck]

First even if he signed his custody away, he would still have to pay his child support.

The other partner has nothing to do with what he pays, each state has a formula on how to figure child support, in some it is based on just the fathers income, in others it takes into consideration, both of their pay.
Anytime his income changes, she always has a right to ask for the payment to be corrected with the new income, in some states he may be required to supply the court his income each year and it is automatically adjusted.

Next, sorry a lot of people get their kids each weekend and while 200 miles is a bit, he has that right, and if the custody agreement says he gets them, he can get them and the mother can't stop it, or if she ties will be taken back to court, Also if you give up some of the weekends, you shuld be askng for more days during holidays and the such. And there should be weekly phone calls and the such.

But child support and visits are not related. The non custodial person has to fight in court for the visits they want, and they both have to prove the support issues to the court.

[717bls]

The real question you should be asking is why your fiancé cares more about these little tiffs with his ex than he does with his own child. EVERY separated couple deals with this type of mess unfortunately, but they don't abandon their child because of it. This child did not ask for him to "give up" and the two of you should be ashamed. Apparently he should never have had a kid to begin with - because this poor kid is the one to suffer.


Also, the courts decide the child support amount based on facts only. If she gets an increase, then she is entitled to an increase. Maybe he should have thought about the cost of raising a kid before having one.

[stevetcg]

This question is more than a year old.