Tell us how you are now !

kctiger · Sep 23, 2009, 06:52 AM

I think more than anything, at some points, we know we are great guys and would love to find a woman to share that with. Nothing wrong with that, nothing at all. It will happen someday.

paxe · Sep 23, 2009, 10:45 AM

That is true, patience is the key here.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 2, 2009, 12:49 PM

Agreed... sometimes when you think that you hit rock bottom something wonderful happens

A4Effort · Oct 2, 2009, 01:26 PM

I can't wait to post in this thread. [Spot saved] :rolleyes:

Ithappenstoall · Oct 2, 2009, 11:14 PM

We look forward to hearing your story A4effort :)

bananaboy · Oct 3, 2009, 03:07 PM

Most important thing I took away from the people here that guided me through was the whole NC concept. There is nothing more healthy than throwing up that wall, blocking it out and walking away. Nothing hurts more than rejection - in particular if its from someone you love or (think you love). Get out and do things. Go to the gym. Travel. Work. Do anything but dwell on the past because its absolutely useless and doesn't produce anything.

My ex wanted out back in Aug 2008. Fast forward 14 months. I now have a GF that has totally blown me away and I couldn't ask for more. We met by total fluke, but if I wasn't ready to move forward, that chance encounter could very well have turned into nothing.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 29, 2009, 12:58 AM

Any new stories someone would like to share ?

Ithappenstoall · Mar 8, 2010, 01:48 AM

Anyone new

jmw0713 · Mar 8, 2010, 08:10 AM

I'll bite.

I remember back when my ex broke up with me, I thought my whole world was coming to an end. I thought at the time that she was my world. Fast forward to now about 1 1/2 years later, I'm back to my old self. It didn't take that long to get here though. I started to notice my recovery, with the help of NC, about 6 months in, although my thoughts of her hadn't waned yet. I slipped up about 5 months ago and actually went out with her and a friend. That was a mistake, but I've recovered nicely since then. Now, I don't think about her nearly as much. Maybe once every couple of weeks, you know the whole "I wonder how she is doing..." type thing. No emotions get stirred up or anything. Granted sometimes I still think back and wonder what things would be like if we were still together, but I think everyone does that when a relationship with someone they truly loves ends. Over this time, I've had many questions about why things happened the way they did. Did I seek answers from her, absolutely not! I found my own answers through personal reflection on how things went and how things are now. Finding answers in that fashion was a much better way than seeking them through others.

As far as finding that new someone, that hasn't happened yet. I figure the right person will walk into my life when we are both ready. Right now I have so many things going on in my life, I really don't have enough time to really put toward a relationship. So it really wouldn't be fair for me to go beyond friends with anyone right now.

I'm fine with that and how my life is right now. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes, but it's only a fleeting feeling and has not led to desperation.

My advice to people who may feel this way is:
The results of decisions made of desperation and/or loneliness never turn out the way we want them.

I've learned this first hand, and will never do that to myself again, no matter how much I want something.

This leads to another piece of advice:
Never sell yourself short. Just like you shouldn't make decisions out of desperation, you don't hold back on doing something if you truly believe you can do. Don't let the confidence in yourself falter. Just because something may seem unattainable now, doesn't mean it will be forever. The only time something is unattainable is when you stop trying.

As long as you keep trying and keep looking forward and not back, you will get over this and any other problems that may happen in your life.

krim19 · Mar 8, 2010, 11:50 AM

My ex-gf as of two months hooked up with what I thought was a good friend, about two weeks ago. I'm going through hell. At times I hate her, then my feelings start to get warm towards her. He's abusive and immature, and I feel like I should text her and tell her to tell him, that if he hurts her, I'll kill him. But then at the same time, I figure it was her choice and that's what she wanted. It's killing me. The highs of being single are nice, but the lows are so horrible. I feel terrible. I guess what really helped me today was talking about all of this with an absolute stranger at a park. Older gentleman, with lots of wise advice. I'm also trying to resolve my trust issues that have worsened since this. It makes me so angry that she can affect my life like this. If anyone has ever watched the movie Heat, there's a certain quote by Robert Deniro, Where he says "Don't get attached to something you can't walk away from in 30 seconds flat". God I wish I was that strong. This roller coaster of feelings is killing me.

Newguy2009 · Mar 8, 2010, 02:38 PM

Its been 5 months since she wanted a break and its been since November 2 when she oficially broke up with me. Many emotions have stirred up since that day and the rolercoaster has noot been fun. One day you are like f-her and the next you are wishing she was back. Its been 4 months officially and I do feel lonely sometimes and hurt and think about her all the time. I used to think about her 24/7 but the thoughts have become less frequent. I guess they never really go away for good. I had a dream about her the other night and woke up pissed.

Feelings of depression, anger, guilt and sadness can weigh on the mind, its natural. I must say I have been doing MUCH better and have learned to accept that when they say its over, its over and have to move on. Keeping busy with different projects, going to school and hanging out with friends helps a lot. The key is to keep busy as much as possible. It is difficult to fill up 100% of your time with activities (especially at night when you are alone in bed, but do the best you can and you will come out a better person.

I have dated a few girls recently, mostly losers but now that I know what I want, I can be choosy and when that special someone comes along, I will know it. Patience is key and Time heals

Peace

qerp32 · Mar 15, 2010, 04:13 PM

It's been a while since I posted here, but I thought this would be an appropriate place to post!

It's been nearly 9 months since my breakup (and nearly 9 months of no contact also). Like everybody else I was pretty devastated, it felt like the end of the world. Luckily I came on here and found out exactly what I needed to do though (thanks again to all the posters here, I doubt I would have done it this way if it weren't for you). I can't believe I was actually sceptical about the no-contact rule...

In short, it turned out to be lifechanging for me. It's pretty unbelievible how much I've changed since, I did something I never thought I'd ever see myself doing: I've lost 58lbs since it happened and have actually turned into a bit of a fitness freak. Been doing a lot of weight training during that time also so I've built up a lot of strength and muscle.

From what I've heard, she's been having a pretty bad time since. It's quite ironic really, since she was the one who broke up with me. Makes me realise how right Tal was when he told me she was telling the truth; it was her, not me.

I'll probably send her an email to catch up a bit sometime in the future. I can't wait to see the surprise she gets when she sees what I look like now hahaha.