[niharika86]

Hi I am 24 .I get married on 14 feb this year.its a love marriage with the consideration of both the inlaws.but after marriage my life is totally change I have to leave my job.I have a necular family earlier but now I have to live in a joint family.my main reason for unhappinesss in this new life is my motherinlaw.I don't feel there that it is my house. Do my husband was very loving and caring and always support me.but my motherin law always compare me with my husband big brother wife.I feel that she like her more than me.that feel irritated and I don't want to live there because of so much camparison between her and me.I want me and my husband live alone in an another house but he is not ready for it.he always told me try to adjust but how can I adjust with this comparison situation.please tell me what can I do.sometimes I feel I should do suscide,I feel distracted from my life.before marriage every thing seems so good but after that its not that we thought.please help me out.

[I wish]

First of all, I strongly suggest that you go to couples counselling. If possible, try to bring your mother-in-law there as well. Your problems aren't going to go away after marriage. So you definitely need to face and fix the problems now.

Secondly, you sound extremely depressed if you're willing to commit suicide. I am afraid for your well-being, so I strongly suggest that you see a therapist for yourself.

If you don't think that you can fix your problems with your husband, then walk away and find someone else who will make you happy. There's no reason for you to suffer. And just because it doesn't work out with this guy, doesn't mean there's no one else for you. There are more than 6 billion other people in the world. I'm sure you will find love again if this relationship doesn't work out.

[Gemini54]

Sadly mothers in law can sometimes make life a misery. I feel for you.

One of the most important things to remember, is not to take her comments and her comparisons with the other daughter in law personally. Your MIL is simply trying to exert her power in the household, and you being the newest member of that household are bearing the brunt.

If you can, simply ignore the mean or nasty comments. Try and busy yourself with other things - do the shopping, clean the house, whatever. Your MIL's comments can only distress you if you allow them to. Really make an effort to ignore them - remember they are nothing to do with you, it's simply her perception that the other DIL is better.

Focus on your relationship with your husband, but remind him that you are his first priority now, not his mother. If the situation is making you so unhappy you're suicidal, then he needs to be aware of this and to do something about it. After all, he's married you, not his mother!

[Catsmine]

You need some help from your husband. Facing down his mother will not be easy for him, if it's even possible. You do need to get him to support you emotionally, especially if you try to ignore his mother's comments. Ignoring his mother's comments is a good idea, she has lost another son to a woman she did not choose.

Getting out of her house at the first opportunity is also a good idea, but the first chance may not come for a little while.