[tjl]

My husband, had a different coworker, that at one time liked him (before we were together), they even went on a date, but nothing came of it. We ended up getting together and soon got married. The coworked continued to call and text message. Sometimes the text messages would come late at night. The message was pretty vague, it just said she had a question. I constantly had my attention on this woman, and would bring her up to my husband as I thought her texting him was inappropriate and it was obvious to me anyway that she may still wish to have some sort of relationship with him. He would constantly tell me I was just jealous and thought NOTHING of it, he didn't think it was inappropriate nor that she had ill intentions. He would even say that he found her to be annoying. More recently we separated and as far as I was concerned the relationship was over. He wanted me to come back, we did some marriage counseling and I decided to come back and make it work. I found out when I came back the this exact girl that had bothered me for so long when I was with him, this girl I found myself constantly questioning, had come over to our house
(when we were seperated-I moved out). My husband told me he had called her a few times and text messaged her during our separation and even picked her up from her job late one night and took her over to our house. He said nothing happened and he took her home. At first I believed him but then I started thinking how much it sounded like a booty call. Am I just a niave fool, or could this really just had been what he said which was that it was nothing, and had no intentions of anything beyond just having someone to talk to?

[J_9]

Is this the same girl that was texting him from the Christmas party?

[tjl]

No, this was a different girl.

[CaptainForest]

Your husband sounds like a jerk from the way you talk about him.

You make him out to be an uncaring, liar and cheater.

If that is what you think of him, why are you still with him?

And for the record, reading what you wrote, I think he has cheated on you.

[talaniman]

Get rid of his the cell phone. Then get rid of him.

[Fr_Chuck]

It sounds really bad, I think your hubby if he really loves you will change his cell phone number and not give it to these "friends"

I would say this sounds a lot loke a player, who is married only when they are home ( at least in their mind)

[BUKOWSKIGIRL]

I think he keeps her around as a "In case of emergency break glass" girl. He is definitely telling her one thing and telling you something else. Men are buttholes with their logic of a what a girl is to them... they say friend... but if us ladies had a "friend" like that we would say it was an old reliable. If the girl has no intentions to him then she should respect you and stay away.

[Jake2008]

I'm not so sure he did anything wrong.

You were separated, and why would he go to all the trouble to get you back, including marriage counselling, if he intended to have a relationship with another woman.

That he made the decision to pick her up after work, and then bring her home, saying nothing happened, is really anybody's guess. He could have, at the time, thought your marriage was really over, and why not see if anything comes of a new relationship with a former friend.

Remember, he did tell you, otherwise you would never have known if he chose not to tell you, or, if he wanted to keep her on the side.

Trust is a difficult thing to re-establish, don't go looking for trouble where there isn't any. He should understand by now that for you to feel comfortable and trust him more, that he has to sever his ties with this woman, once and for all. No phone calls, no texts, no meeting up for lunch, etc. Over. Period. I would think that he would put you first, and respect your wishes.

I'd keep up the counselling as well, and bring up this example of why you are having a hard time trusting him. Talk it out, and keep talking, and working toward a good, solid footing.

It's hard to let things go, but I think that if he's made such an effort, so should you.