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paxe · Oct 19, 2009, 07:08 PM

You let go because she broke up with you. You can hope as much as possible but it's very rare that people go back together, and if they do it never really work out. Furthermore, it gives you false hope instead of taking time moving on and potentially finding someone better. You'll know you are truly letting go when you start enjoying life again and be happy on your own.

Accepting means more or less the same as letting go. If you accept the break up it's much more easier to let go and to move forward. As long as you're doing NC and taking care of yourself, you will get better day by day.

It's nothing magic, time heals all wound and if you follow the threads, go to the gym everyday, get out with friends, you'll get better. So apply NC, take care of yourself and try to keep busy.

mdoli · Oct 19, 2009, 07:33 PM

I don't have hopes of getting back together, I really wouldn't want that after the things that happened between us and everything that has taken place. I got to know her true colors and the extent of her love for me, oh how minimal it really turned out. Sigh.

I was just curious as to the true concept of those words and their meanings. Honestly I see myself getting better with time but it's a long road to that. I have applied NC and been doing those things, in time I'm assuming I will see my progress more clearly.

Thanks paxe for your words.

talaniman · Oct 19, 2009, 09:46 PM

I came up with two questions what's the real deal with letting go?

Accepting you can't control the feeling or actions of another, and knowing feelings can change. Even your own.

Will time do that for me with my effort. How do I truly know when I'm letting go?

In time yes you will heal, the more proactive you are the faster and better you heal, and you'll know when you have let go when your happy with yourself and just being you.

Second does accepting mean the same as letting go?

Paxe has rightly said that they are the same, because when you accept something and its beyond your control, its only logical to let it go and focus on something else, that you can control.

How do I know what I'm doing is on the right track to all of this?

You will be happy with what your doing. Even looking forward to it.

mdoli · Oct 20, 2009, 07:08 PM

Ok so I found myself calm and collected today with my thoughts and emotions as well and then the following had to happen...

You know how I mentioned that my ex came through to give me a gift on weekend but I wasn't there, well today actually later on this evening she came by surprisingly and decided to drop the gift off. Well that led to us talking and mostly me saying and getting everything off my chest that I wanted to tell her.

I told her that I didn't want her gifts and that I didn't want her in my life at all anymore, to never come to my house again as I couldn't handle us being friends or anything ever again. I asked her about this new guy in her life and what she told me really distrubed me at that moment, she basically said that he was there when she wanted to have fun and all that stuff. I asked her if they were together as in dating and everything that goes with it, she said yes. This pissed me off so much because how can you say that you love me and me spreading your damn legs and being hugged up with this other guy in such a short amount of time. I also asked is she happy with her life now, her response was no she wasn't because I wasn't in it.

I mean come on why the heck shouldn't she be happy she got what she wanted. She got her break/break up whatever. She should be thrilled with her life now but she said she wasn't. OK? I'm dealing with this break up and everything, yes I have major ups and downs but why the heck would she tell me she isn't happy when she basically got rid of me to get with someone else and do her partying bid because that is sure how it feels to me.

I may have said too much on some things but for the most part I felt as though I said my peace to her.

Why the heck do they think that they can just come back when they feel like it?

More or less I'm actually a tad bit pissed and upset as to hearing everything and even seeing her,why she came by because I thought she would just leave it all alone.

mdoli · Oct 20, 2009, 07:16 PM

Couple other things that kind of sticking to my mind now, is she cried a lot during when I talked to her and I did tell her that I really had no other choice than to not care about anything but my school and myself. Then there was this pause amongst us and she said well since you don't care about anything but yourself and your school, I'll leave and she took off. I think she thought that I would go after her but I didn't I just went back into my house. Felt as if there was no real reason to do such a thing anymore for her to run after her.

paxe · Oct 20, 2009, 07:59 PM

Nice! Now that's a real man who takes real actions! You did the right thing, move on and don't look back. You shouldn't even want contact with her after 6 month, especially since you're not healed yet.

mdoli · Oct 20, 2009, 08:46 PM

So just a about half and hour ago as I was talking to my close friend, I get this phone call interruption from a phone number I haven't seen before but I answered and it was her,

Gist of the conversation

Me: hello whose this
Her: its...
Me: why are you calling me
Her: just wanted to say hi to you.
Me: OK? I have to go to bed got school bye.
Her: I wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out? ( OK wth is this bs)
Me: no I don't busy with school work. Cant

Me hanging up the phone

She calls couple more times probably like 4-5 times, but I didn't bother picking up since I knew it was her now.

Wth is this bs?

Wow did anything I said to her in the conversation at my house not register to her or what? I mean what nerve she has to pull something like this even after everything..

Just wow...

JTS31708 · Oct 20, 2009, 09:05 PM

Don't worry about it, just keep ignoring her calls, texts, and continue to heal and live your life. Your on the right track =]

mdoli · Oct 21, 2009, 07:55 PM

OK so it just happened that my ex came to my house again today which totally shocked me because I thought everything was settled last night when I told her everything I felt I needed to.

She came and I asked her what she was doing here as I thought everything was going to be left alone.

She comes and says she wants to talk to me because I wasn't picking up her calls. She asks why I don't like talking to her anymore, and implied that I hated her as well. I told her that she wanted the break up not me and that I'm just living my life to how I want it, which excludes her. I tell her that she made the decisions and I just went with what I thought was best for me at the time.

I also told her that I would never feel, care, or show the same interest in her as I had before because of the fact that she soon after we ended it got with another guy... After I said that I told her to leave and just went to my gym to workout..

When I think about it that's why I think she suggested the break/break up as well.

Damn I feel a tad bit used... ugh. The nerve of this girl to start doing this now, when I'm just feeling good about things again..

Any input would be appreciated...

mdoli · Oct 21, 2009, 08:31 PM

And what's even worse is that I even feel bad for saying how I felt towards her after this whole thing.. I still don't want to hurt her, after everything that has happened and her hurting me and this whole messed up situation.

I really dislike this now.

paxe · Oct 21, 2009, 08:36 PM

You should be proud of what you did, stand up for yourself. You couldn't have done anything better. She is acting that way, because she is desperate she isn't in control of you anymore. When YOU were desperate it was great for her, but when you start applying NC and mean it, then the roles are reversed and there is no turning back for them, they start appreciating the full extent of their own decisions, and that hurts them (been there).

If she continues to call or come to your house, make it clear you will file an injunction, that will calm her. Continue what you are doing, you are really doing great and don't get down, be proud of what you've done!

paxe · Oct 21, 2009, 08:37 PM

You have everyright to tell her what you think and to tell her to leave you alone. Take comfort that it is their time to suffer... but I caution against that.

mdoli · Oct 21, 2009, 09:03 PM

I am proud in the fact that I had enough strength to actually say what I have been holding in and wanting to say for so long. I have really been with so many ups and down with my ex and meanwhile she has had most of the power in our relationship and even throughout this break up. But honestly in isn't even about that to me, to me its just about being happy with myself and the fact that one day if god willing I am able to be fully happy with myself or able to share my happiness with someone else who won't treat me in the way I have with my ex and enjoy what I have to offer.

I'm actually not enjoying her discomfort as maybe I should be, I'm just not that type of person to wish ill on anyone. I leave that to fate and god, for whatever they deserve is on them because of their choices in life.

Thank you paxe for your words they really help me out

CoRox35 · Oct 21, 2009, 09:27 PM

I'm actually not enjoying her discomfort as maybe I should be, I'm just not that type of person to wish ill on anyone. I leave that to fate and god, for whatever they deserve is on them because of their choices in life.

Well said! But this world has a very weird way of working things out and if you believe in it, it is called Karma. What goes around comes around and if you know that you were the best man you could be to this girl tent in return someday you will meet that girl that returns you the favor and makes you truly happy. I am in the same problem a break, back together, and then a break up. No one's heart should be played like this, but I know I was a great boyfriend and treated my ex extremely well while she took me for granted and treated me like dirt sometimes. One day your girl as well as mine will realize what they're missing out on because they're in a crappy relationship, etc. but by then we'll be long gone with someone else that doesn't take us for granted and loves us for who we are!

IF YOU MEAN WELL AND DO GOOD THINGS, GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU! And vice versa as well for all of you breakees!

bjohnrupp · Oct 21, 2009, 09:35 PM

Hey mdoli- you should be proud of yourself! That took a lot of strength knowing that deep down you still love her and miss her. You did the right thing. She obviously is very confused and now she knows she can't control you anymore. Godd for you man. I don't know if I could have been that strong if my ex-fiance came to my house.

Imabadman · Oct 22, 2009, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by mdoli

I am proud in the fact that i had enough strength to actually say what I have been holding in and wanting to say for so long. I have really been with so many ups and down with my ex and meanwhile she has had most of the power in our relationship and even throughout this break up. but honestly in isn't even about that to me, to me its just about being happy with myself and the fact that one day if god willing I am able to be fully happy with myself or able to share my happiness with someone else who won't treat me in the way i have with my ex and enjoy what i have to offer.

I'm actually not enjoying her discomfort as maybe i should be, I'm just not that type of person to wish ill on anyone. I leave that to fate and god, for whatever they deserve is on them bc of their choices in life.

thank you paxe for your words they really help me out

Damn proud of you son!

mdoli · Oct 22, 2009, 09:49 AM

First of all thank you for your kind words. I found myself thinking today as to why she would be so persistent this way even though after everything was said. I know we can't go back, I will not allow this anymore in my life. The behavior that I endured because I was for lack of better words blinded by love, I just simply can't allow it anymore. So I thought I would ask this question on here for those that can relate of just simply give some input on this.

Why do ex's return after the other person has slowly but surely begun their moving on and healing process?

My thoughts were the realization of them messing up, well something to that extent.

Do they not know that it's not making things easier for the other person or themselves.

mdoli · Oct 22, 2009, 09:52 AM

Or is rationalizing this or even giving it a thought just a plain waste of time and to just keep it pushing forward.

Romefalls19 · Oct 22, 2009, 09:55 AM

I like to think of it this way. Things got too tough for them, or they had "grass is greener" scenario in their head, so they want to leave. They venture on and find out that things are too great, usually by this time the other person has gotten back to normal and the ex is then re attracted to them because they are who they first fell for. It's strange and weird but I've experienced it with my ex. When we broke up I had completely become so far away from who I had always been, I got comfortable and became bored, she ended it, 5 months later she wanted to give it another go. In that time I found this site, started working out, playing hockey and going out with friends. I also met a different girl and things were going great, things for her not so much, so she wanted back to "comfortable"

Imabadman · Oct 22, 2009, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by mdoli

Or is rationalizing this or even giving it a thought just a plain waste of time and to just keep it pushing foward.

I vote for waste of time. Even if you asked I seriously doubt you would get a straight answer. Push forward.

So why do they come back when your moving on? Another good question. I think it's the psychological Scarcity Principal. Where as you want what's in demand, can't have, or is limited. Just my opinion.

I hope others on here read your story and figure out that it's best to let go. Letting go completely and taking a breath of fresh air to really understand what the issues were and whether it's really worth it. From there you can make decisions about the future... with or without them.