[amicon]

Abusers work at taking away your selfesteem and sense of normality.you re not at fault HE did this to you.I suggest you try to find a good therapist who can work with you to help you rebuild yourself.you re a good person who unfortunately met the boyfriend from hell.its time to move on and take care of you now.

[sully123]

Lisa, don't you think more of yourself than that. First of all to put yourself in danger, with an abuser. He is doing the same thing he did to you as he is probably doing to this new girl. You just don't see it. Why are you talking to him, don't you think more of yourself to put yourself out there with a man like this. Life isn't just having a man, you have to put yourself first... think more of you. You deserve better. You keep on going back, and down the road the consequences you will face with this man, aren't going to be good. Run, away from him, why are you allowing this.

[Cat1864]

Lisa, I am going to be more blunt than any one on here has seen me. So, get ready to get on your high-horse because I know that's what you are about to do. However, please think before you respond.

You are responsible.
You are responsible for standing up for yourself and your well-being.
You are responsible for making sure that he never hits you again.
You are responsible for moving away from an abusive situation.
You are responsible for not making a police complaint when he abused you.
You are responsible for stalking him and his whatever she is besides "baby momma".
You are responsible for your own actions.
You are responsible for getting a life that doesn't include this individual.
You are responsible for getting a new support system that doesn't include him.
You are responsible for finding a support group for abused women and getting more help than I think we can give.
You are responsible for listening and actually putting the great advice that you have been given here into practice.

You are doing everything in your power to keep this person who doesn't want you. He wants a target. If she wants to be that target, I feel sorry for their kid. Be glad you don't have one that would see daddy beating up mommy.

He isn't your life as you seem to want him to be even now. Sometimes, you have to move on even from "best friends". Though, if you knew about the abuse before you got into a relationship with him. You need to rethink what you believe a "good" relationship is.

What does this guy have that you can't find anywhere else? Other men can be good lovers and listeners and they don't use their fists. Other men can be good fathers. This one isn't.

PLEASE FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR BATTERED WOMEN IN YOUR AREA!!! They have seen it all. Even what you are going through. Let them help you rebuild the self-esteem that this person took away from you.

[Catsmine]

If you let him back in your house, Lisa, which CSI show do you want to be the inspiration for?

Either you will be dead or he will.

It's that simple. It may take longer to happen than to write, but it's that simple.

[lisa27]

I don't what to say guys any more,I don't know if I am emotionlly sick or just low self steem as you guys said.I hope you will not be angry of I am going to tell you.this weekend I was so sad and I close my mobile phone and I did not fill like talking to any body.youwhat happen he was calling my mobile phone and when he couldn't talk to me,he come home and he ring the bel several times but I did not open him.and I am very proud of me I did not open him.But I am very happy that he keep calling me and finally in door step.I know I sound stupid but I am happy that he realize he lose some one in his life.Thank you guys can you comment about I am feeling happy when I know he is abuser

[Catsmine]

It will be easier to refuse him next time. You did well.

[sully123]

Please be strong Lisa, like your doing. WE all wouldn't be telling you the same thing, if we thought he was a good person for you. If you want to live a normal life stay away from this man. As we all told you he will hurt you or you will be dead. Do you have family nearby, you can go too, or move away so he doesn't know where you will go to?

[Cat1864]

Lisa, It isn't going to be easy. It will take time. Each time that you don't answer his phone call or the door, you get stronger. Each time you look in the mirror and there are no bruises, you get stronger.

I don't think you are mentally ill. I do think you need the support of other women who have been in the same place you are now.

It always seems harder for women who know they should have been smarter in the first place, but there is no shame in admitting that you need help. You did that here. Time to take the next step.

[lisa27]

I am v.confused and angry at myself.for the whole week he keep calling me and sms 4 to 5 times a day and he wants to come over.I was making excuses to let him not to come over.but to day he was waitting near my apartment and he says Hello,and he just inter with me I couldn't tell him no.then he was pretending like been so friendly and talking with me normal.what I believe is like he has a problem with his baby mama.and he keep asking me who I am dating and exc.But he did not tell me he wants to get back with me.he just spent the whole evening with me.and when he left I was very angry.idont know what happen to me.I called him how bad he hurt me and I still feel hur from him.and he was just saying OK OK and that even make me more heart broken.I feel sorry that I let him in.now I am more angry because now he know I am not over him.I am sorry I should be lesen for your advice.but my heart goes wild for this abusive guy.what is my problem. Do you have any more advice?

[I wish]

DO NOT PICK UP THE PHONE.

It doesn't matter how many times he sms you or call you. Just don't give him any attention. If you give him attention, he will get some false hope. Just pretend he doesn't exist. If you ignore him long enough, he will stop. Just stay strong.

If you are getting scared, then contact the police and get a restraining order against him. If he shows up at your door and just stands there all day, then just call the police and catch him in the act.

Just don't respond to him whatsoever. I know it's tough, but you got to stay strong. You can do this. We all support you!

[Cat1864]

Don't be angry with yourself. A little backsliding is to expected. This isn't easy. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will move forward.

It doesn't matter what he knows or thinks he knows. What matters is that you know you can move on without him.

Have you read the stickies about NC at the top of this forum? They may give you some ideas on how to handle next times and what ifs.

[lisa27]

Hi Guys thank you thank you for asking about my situation.wel I think I am doing a lot of beter than before.but I still miss the good side of him and I am miss when he is in good mood talkig to me nice and lovnig me .But when I think he his abuse and the way he treat me at times I feel happy that I am not longer with him.but he keep contacting me and that makes hardon me to completely forget him and get over him.sorry now he is on my door.I will let you know what happen

[amicon]

I thought you d decided to stay away from this guy? Are you actually letting him in your house? Not a good idea.

[lisa27]

Hi Amicon,u know he is here with me write now while I am writing to u.It is funny he is all that sweet to me like nothing happened between us.I feellike something die inside me I don't even want look at his face.I have a lot of anger to words him.how could he destroy my trust and my love and friendship this way?now I am having a problem trusting any body.

[amicon]

Just remember this man s abused you.
Please reread the advice you ve been given.

[lisa27]

I know he is an abuser and he abused a lot.because of him I suffered and I went through depression and low self esteem.But it just so hard to let go of something that was so special to.thats way I keep going back when he contact me.yesterday he was really want be close to me.but I made myself strong and I did not give him a chance.I am really moving on I am much better of with out him.I start seeing good friends and talking to men.But I keep going back because,I gave a lot in this relationship right from the beginning I gave my trust,love and time.and ended up losing myself.but I am getting myself back one day at time.and thanks for your help.with out you I will never make it to this stage.thanks from my heart.finally I see myself smiling a lot without him:eek::)

[friend4u178]

He will keep coming back as long as you let him , remember he is an abuser and is now also using manipulation to try and get back.

Don't trust him , him being nice is all a huge act.

Keep strong like your doing and just come back here and vent when you need to , we're all behind you.

[sully123]

Lisa, you have to take the bulls by its horn, and walk away. Please! No more excuses! He is manipulating you, and your allowing it. Put a stop to it, before its too late. Get your self-esteem back, seek support groups, anything that will put you in a better frame of mind.

[lisa27]

Thanku Guys for your advice.what I realize is more he contact me more I feel miserble and think of him.but if ignore him by not answering his call then I feel lonely but not miserble.even though so hard to just let go of relationship of 5 years and love and trust that I add the past years.I am slowly getting where I want be with out him.even though my emotions are up and down.I know that one day I will completely OK.with help of God and you guys.thanks again. Don't get tired of my problems.I need your support.thanky again

[amicon]

Just let this go-be strong and ignore him. You deserve a life not this continued drama.