[ThehopelessGuy]

Threads merged

OK So I met this girl honestly on the wierdet day of our lives it was like coincidence just wanted us to meet , we met up like 19 times in one day it was weird from there we just kind of hung out like everyday I got a chance, I knew there we times that she was waiting for me to ask her out, but I never did for about 2 weeks, lol I knew she was even frusterated on the second day she stood there taping your foot waiting for it... but I never did.
Well I finally ask her out, after I sweeped her off her feet... (literally) and she just laughed and I asker her to come with me for the greatest hot dogs at the pier it wa a good 40 min walk... lets just say we had one hell of an adventure.

But... then halfway she gets awkwardly weird and says ( after I cokes it out of her) that she's sort of dating this one guy for the past 2 months. (she doesn't see him all the time) its nothing seriouse they haven't had sex yet or even a seriouse kiss yet or anything serous in that nature. In fact I think I did in 1 day what this guy did in 2 months.

But anyway I was going to just leave right then and there... after the walk.
She keeps telling me that I'm the most interesting guy she has ever met and she trusts me the most.
But I understood the situation and this guy must have been awesome to demote me to friends status. Anyway so right as I was going to let myself become
"the Gaurdian Friend" she tells me about the guy she's been dating... and I KNOW HIM!! And he's honest to god a complete loser, I've heard many rumors even after we stopped hanging out with him, and I know for a fact that he isn't right for her.

So I was even more determined to give her an aweome day, in fact that's what we do, we get back to her car we hang out more I do more awesome stuff lol. I even jumped on her car as she drove away and then I sat there (I almost fell off so she stopped) I said no ( in a laughing matter) so she said fine I won't move till you do. So I say( as I'm ontop her car looking down) "whats over there?" she looks I said OK nvm just look back give her a kiss on the cheeck and let her drive home. She gives me a bunch of messages afterwards I just don't respond because my phone fails at getting them.

So I'm thinking is she conflicted? She keeps hanging out with me and even after I told her "you can't be friends with someone you have fallen for" she just keeps ignoring it and hugs me and hangs out with me.
But now its like I can't give up or she eventually go with him, he WILL screw the crap out of her and just leave her... trust me if you knew him you'd think the same.

So what's going on?? She clearly gives me the look, she always waiting for me to say something or other things. And do I keep hitting on her? And just be the hopeless romantic that I am? (dont get me wrong she tells me to stop I will and disapear)

I'm not one of those obsessive idiots. I just care for this girl. And I don't want her to get hurt.

[N0help4u]

If she is being honest that she just sees him occasionally maybe they really aren't in any kind of bf/gf relationship.

[simoneaugie]

She brought up that she was occasionally dating this guy. Could she have told you to make you jealous? Was telling you a hint that she would like to be exclusively with you, and is waiting for you to ask?

Whether he is a loser and not right for her is not your business, at all.

You'll have to ask her about it. People are always learning. Learning what it takes to have good communication with this girl is probably the most important thing you could focus on right now. She may be "the one." If it turns out that she isn't for you, you will have learned another crucial communication lesson to take to future relationships.

My guess is that she wants your nurturing and attention, whether she can put it to words or not. That puts you in the parental zone as well as the friend zone. Parental zone is lousy 'cause that's not your job. Friends is good. Talk about serious stuff with her. And remember that good friends make the best relationship partners.

[ThehopelessGuy]

Serious stuff? Oook... like? The next time I see her I want to know why it took her so long to tell me she was with this guy and not right then and there when I asked her out.

Or is that a dumb question?

Serious, like be more blatant I like her? Ooor keep asking her out in clever ways? Or... what I have been doing, just be the nice guy that just makes her smile and her day more interseting.
------------------------------------------------>
But on a side note: I can believe the jealous thing... cause I was disgusted when she told me it was this guy I knew. And she was smiling the whole time. Apparently I'm hilarious to look at when I'm eccentric

[simoneaugie]

Take the other guy out of your thoughts. That means asking why she told you about him when she did a no. Don't bring him up at all. And trying to figure out why she was finding something funny when she told you about him is not something to be obsessed about. If she thought you were something to laugh about, she'd be off laughing, not telling you what's up.

When things are quiet and calm, tell her that you'd like to be her guy all the time. What does she think about that? She likes spending time with you. That's obvious. If she brings up her relationship with this other guy again, ask her how serious she is about him.

Here's some other serious stuff. What is a friendship in her mind. Is that different from how it is in yours? How does she see herself in 5 years, 10 years? What kind of career does she like? Would she still want to live if she suddenly became a quadriplegic? Does she want kids? Does she feel comfortable spending your money? Does she buy things for you?

[ThehopelessGuy]

OK so we were dating for a while... honestly I didn't know how to say anymore then that without writing 5 pages... um... OK straight to the point. Knowing that I was probably being the one that was acting dumb, I go off for like 4 hours trying to find the music CD Finch...

On a side note... have any of you tried looking for this CD? Omg... it was annoying to say the least... anyway

I get back give it to her tell her I'm sorry, after being ecstatic she said...

"can we please go back to being just friends please??" apparently it was all her fault...

but you all should know the rule... you can't be friends with someone you love... so I said "you know my rule" and said no..

So she tried for the rest of the day asking me why can't we be friends?

Honestly I felt like she was begging me.. I felt weirded out... why would you be friends with someone who dumps you and does weird things to you?

We were friends before we dated... so I didn't know why we couldn't be friends again.. then I thought, oh yea! Because ill just be torching myself..

So I asked her why she wanted to be friends.. she said "I was an awesome guy, she loved hanging out with me, because i made her laugh, and watching me do crazy stuff just made her day"... but after I kept looking for the real reason she didn't want to be in a relationship with me. It was because of the Marines. I leave to go to boot camp in 4 months give or take so I understood... she gave me excuses like " I'm just not feeling it anymore, I liked the attention, I'm not ready for a relationship... abunch of wierdness...

But I respond with why would you take it so far... I didn't remember her answering the question only that she was feeling bad what she did to me already... and that she really couldn't say why she was really breaking up with me...

But she was still asking me to stay friends with her... well I just ignored the quest completely we hung out we had fun on our way back to her house I felt a little better..

So said to myself "ill just roll with the punches figure out why she still wants to be friends so badly and see what happens". But I think when she tries to hug me I'm just going to grab her hand and shake it; just so I don't torcher myself, but that might be a little mean so I don't know...

Anyway.. what the hell? Ugh I hate women logic... can someone teach me this "Women Logic" cause I'm confused..

[kctiger]

anyways.. what the hell? ugh i hate women logic... can someone teach me this "Women Logic" cause im confused..

There is no teaching you it, nor is there any understanding it. Just as women have their problems or issues with trying to figure us guys out, we do the same for them. You either appreciate the person, or quit putting up with the BS.

Logic and understanding means knowing what you will and won't put up with, regardless of gender. Both men and women have their unusual quirks that throw us for a loop, and frankly I LOVE women for that reason. She seems to have told you she doesn't want a relationship, so either you accept that and quit letting her get to you, or continue playing this immature game. Choice is yours man!

[ThehopelessGuy]

I just want to know why she wants to be friends so badly... like does she want to just take step back and find out if being with me is worth being away from me in the marines or...

Well I don't know... honeslty guys ingore the whole woman logic thing... I type out what's in my head waaay to often.. I wish I could edit it and take that part out...

[jaime90]

Okay dude, I'm a woman (only 19 but still) AND I'm ENGAGED TO A MARINE- so I get the whole military thing, I went through the bootcamp and the letters and the long-distance for 9 months deal- I get it. But yeah your woman logic was hilarious because honestly, I'm a woman and sometimes I look at other women and go, "what the heck?" It's a personality thing, but this I kind of understand a little.

She's probably wants to be friends because she wants to keep the door open- you know, in case she changes her mind or something, you'll still be there- plus, if you're still friends she can keep tabs on you and see if you get another girlfriend.

If the reason she broke up with you is because of the Marines- that is ridiculous. I was in a relationship for like 3 months before my man left for bootcamp, and we weren't even "dating." we just hung out with my sister and called each other "girlfriend and boyfriend." That's all we had to hang onto for 3 months straight. But, he's my one and only and we're now engaged- so the Marines CAN work out. Also dude, you can be in love with your friend- me and my fiancé are best friends- we were friends for almost 3 years before we started calling each other "girlfriend and boyfriend" =)

Anyway, that's probably the reason she still wants to be friends. Just keep the contact open, but don't go any farther, let her know that you're moving on and you would hang with her in group settings, etc. but won't go beyond that. Then, see what happens. If you find someone else, great. If she starts nagging and stalking you cut all ties with her- that's completely unacceptable. If she decides to come back to you- well, then that's up to you. See, the woman logic wasn't that difficult =P. Good luck with the Marines, man. Semper fi.

[itsamor]

My ex is doing this to me. Begging to be friends.. idk why. I can't just be friends cause I love him and know if one of us dates someone else the other will not like it or accept it.

& yea she's probably scared cause you're going to be leaving. And maybe doesn't trust herself to be loyal while you're gone.. ya know?

[Alty]

The dreaded "Let's just be friends".

It's really not that hard to figure out. She's just not that in to you but would like to remain friends.

[ThehopelessGuy]

Well I think I might of screwed it anyway, my thing is that... and please excuse the blunt remarks.

How the hell do you go from and once again excuse the blunt rudeness; "go from having my hand half way up her uterous and then go; "can we go back to being friends?".

but im pretty sure i might have screwed any chances of getting back together.. and here how.

see my plan was "so I don't toture myself" and try "to stop feeling for her" was to when she goes to hug me, force myself to grab her hand and shake it instead... but of course when i did this she looked at me like she was gona cry and goes "is that really how its going to be?"

of course i give in and say "well if you must hug me" and give her a hug. when she left i got pissed and punched the elevator door... i see her an hour later as she is huttled sitting down on the grass, i walk up to her with a leaky bag of ice on my hand... as my pinky knuckle is bigger then my left testical... (lol sorry for the bad visual)

anyways after we hang out a bit more, she has to leave to drive home a friend of hers and i do it again... she goes "id shake your hand but its all screwd up"; so i shake her hand with my left.

and felt really bad the whole day, the next morning she came to our car where my friend and I passed out because we didnt want to go home.. she wakes us up and hangs out with us because she can't go to her college class... so i tell her im sorry for being a jerk and that i just tried to force my self to stop caring... she said she kinda figured it out that i thought i hate trying to be friends... (which of course was half true and half not true... )well she hung out with my friend more the whole day but im guessing it was because i was working harder then a 300 man packed sweat shop in the comp labs... anyways i walk her to her car and tell her " No I do not hate being your friends I just need time to get back to my old self" she said "heh allright" almost liek a " I don't really care" attitude. and when i go to hug her she actually grabed my hand this time. i say "no I think ima going to hug you." she goes "oh OK, see you tomorrow"

[jaime90]

It seems like she wants to be more than just friends- she's saying she wants to be friends but I think she is anticipating more than that. I mean, why did she dump you? If you get back together, she could just dump you again- seeing as it's already happened and she doesn't seem to have a huge problem with it... at least not like you do.

[ThehopelessGuy]

well.. OK so I found out from a friend who really wanted to talk to me about this... wow I wish he would have told me sooner... well apparently she had been dating a lot of guys casually for a long time, but when she met me I was a guy she had never met and it was just different.. and she really liked me.. but somewhere along the way she had
"Lost all attraction" to me and didn't know if she could be faithful to me while I was in the marines...

I don't know how she lost "all attraction" to me... I'm pretty sure I was (and this is the opinion of others) "an awesome guy to date", "perfect boy friend material"," a guy who goes to hell and "back for the person he falls in love with... "

lol those sound like movie reiviews... so I kind of made her angry with a stunt I pulled.. I wanted to know if I could trust her, needless to say she's SUPER made, I'm going to lay low for a bit.

but i would like some help making a faster opinion... should I even bother? We will see if she talks to me first but beyond that.. its like everyone thinks she's "an efing R-tard". But me.. I still really care for her.. but I'm wondering if some how I'm love blinded.

= /

[123skyscraper]

I am sort of in a similar situation where my ex is going out of his way to be in my life and be my friend and is borderline harassing and stalking me.
Reality is, you cannot be friends with someone you love. Sooner or later she will be dating another guy, and your reaction, naturally, will be just anger because you want her for yourself but reality is you are not together. I would just stay away from her. Let her miss you. If she really wants to make it work with you, she will make sure to get you back in her life. In the meantime, you need to move on. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. You will not be her backup. Cut off all contacts and start respecting yourself!

[jaime90]

I've heard now multiple times that "you can't be friends with someone you love." which can't be true- ideally, you're supposed be best friends with your significant other. If you don't, you'll end up "loving" your spouse, but not necessarily "liking" them.

[ThehopelessGuy]

So pretty much this chick that I have pretty much fallen in love with, is going to a REALLY REALLY REALLY big party... now when she goes to any party with alcohol, stuff always goes wrong she gets in trouble its honestly... never ends well... Normally I'm there to pick her up and bail her out of these bad situations... however this time... has hit the fan she she pretty much hates me for the time being... but I found out she's going to this party (that I also got invited too).. alone... my plan was to go there just to watch her behind the lines and notice and make sure she didn't get into trouble... she REALLY doesn't want to talk to me or see me... but I know if I don't go she's going to get in trouble... trust me it always does... countless times she's called me past midnight saying "why arent you here?" and so on and so forth, but if she does see me I'm am royaly-Scrwd but honestly I just want to make sure she's safe...

NOW! My friend has op'd to go with her for my sake... but the guy just isn't... well cut out for the job of "watchdog". She doesn't hate him so he can go with her and hang out and keep a closer eye.. he said its soooooooo not a good idea for you to go cause if she sees you she will be more pissed.

However I still feel like I'm being stubborn and still want to go...

Should I stay? And let him do it or should I go.. even though it WILL be a bad idea.

I mean.. if you were the chick and you don't want to see me or talk ot me for at least a few weeks what would you think if I showed up out of the blue? My plan was to hide and see if she got super sick and help her out regardless of how pissed she got.

[I wish]

Leave her alone. You're not her doormat to be stepped on whenever she feels like it. She'll have to learn to take care of herself. You can't always take responsibility for her actions.

[redhed35]

Maybe you need to check out the small ads for a babysitter for her, a small child would not need as much careful planning and attention at the park!

What age is this girl 12?

She sounds like she can get into whatever trouble she wants and you bail her out,as long as you are enableing her to do want she wants, this won't stop..

You continiously bailing her out, is nearly giving her permission to misbehave...

Your not her parent.

Stop bailing her out,before you end up in a situation that turns dangerous,because of this girl.

[Jake2008]

Have you ever wondered why you have an attraction to someone who constantly needs to be rescued?

It sounds to me like you see her as some sort of victim, even if it's because of herself, and you as some sort of white knight that she cannot survive without.

Think about who's needs are being met here. Surely to some extent yours are, because you feel wanted and needed. Hers are because she knows that no matter how bad she gets you will bail her out. If the two of you need each other to play out these weaknesses in your own characters, then don't you find it a bit odd?

You are both using each other. As long as you see yourself in a weakened state of being the rescuer, and she sees herself as knowing you're going to bail her out no matter what (even if its through a third party), the relationship will remain as it is.

Why not try to figure out what you need in a healthy relationship. Find out what YOU need and want in a relationship, and see if she fits.

As long as you're happy playing the knight role, she'll come around again, and need you to do just that.