[Logijohn]

Hi I'm 21 and its my first time posting =]

Sorry going to put it simple because I just wrote it out and lost it all lol!

Me and my girlfriend are going through a rocky patch, I could tell there was something wrong with her when she turned 20 in August. She also admits this herself.

Everything was fine up until then, last year she was at a uni and she was away from home, so she loved me ringing her up and talking to her all the time.

But this year she has moved uni's and she has met a lot more friends..

I try ringing her like I used to do,. mostly she doesn't pick up anymore, never replies to my text accept the odd ones,. I thought she liked me talking to her! Its so confusing.

So we decide to meet up for a coffee the other week.. I could tell she was going to break up with me or something..

So I said what's wrong,. she started crying, and said I don't know if I really want to be in a serious relationship, so I started getting a bit upset! Then all of a sudden she said she wants a break for a month, because she wants space.. with 2 conditions;

1 - no communication - unless serious

2 - no seeing any other people.

Im so confused,. so I agreed. I love this girl to pieces, she is the first girl I've had a proper relationship with.

So, a week went by, and I started talking with all my mates and friends I've not talked to for a while on Facebook,.

Then something happens within her family, So she talks to me on Facebook, I say you want me to ring she says no. So I talk to her for a bit and I say 'you know I'm always here for you, as a friend and as a boyfriend' then she replys 'i love you'..

So the next day she comes home from uni to go home to bewith her mum so I try ringing her and she doesn't pick up, just wanted to know if she was OK and if her mum is.

Also my friend was messing around on my MSN, me and her always used to talk on this, and he found a program to find who is blocking me or something,. and she has blocked me he found out,. I didn't tell him to do this, would have much preferred not to know lol.

So now I'm just thinking things in my head like when I've seen her msn when she's been there she's shown me all her ex boyfriends who she's blocked.

Im so confused!

We are also meeting on 5th of November after a month, bonfire night in england and were going to spend the night together having some fun.

I swear down, I have never done anything to upset this girl, I don't know what I have done to make her think that she doesn't want to be with me,. I just don't know where I stand and I feel like,. well I don't know,. Im all fair giving her space etc,. but, I don't know...

Am I overeacting?? Should I just leave it for a month, and see how it goes after it?

Thanks for any help and advice!

[Enigma1999]

Hello there Logijohn,

I think at her age it is natural to want to have some space. You both are young, experiencing new things, she is off at school now. It's normal for her to feel that way. She is not breaking up with you, she just wants some space as you put it. I was once there too in a similar situation my friend. The best thing for you to do is to stop being persistent. Let her alone for a while to sort things out. She will make her decision in due time. Concentrate on yourself and who and what you are. You are young, and have a lot going for you. I wish you luck.

[Gemini54]

I don't think that you've done anything wrong. It's just life.

It sounds as if she's moving on, meeting friends, getting on with her studies. She's been honest with you and told you that she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. People grow apart and maintaining long distance relationships is really hard when you're young and meeting new people.

Look at it from her point of view, it was probably really difficult to tell you and she was trying to let you down lightly. But it doesn't look good.

You're not to blame, and there is probably not much you can do except give her space. She's blocked you on MSN, so that should tell you she doesn't want to talk. Don't be surprised if she cancels November.

[paxe]

Hey buddy,
I know your situation is tough, I've been there. Look I can speak from my own experience. You need to let her go now. You have a lot of hint that she gave you.

She blocks you like all her exes, she has meet many friends in the uni... She probably wants to experience something new

You have done nothing wrong, but she is trying to keep you as an option because she is too weak. She is probably not doing on purpose but your story seems soooo similar to everyone else.

Let her go and get on with your life. Start applying NC ASAP. If you don't you'll just end up getting hurt.

Our advice may seem insensitive but we have taken the pain so that we can teach others what not to do. Stop contacting her and if she wants back, she'll be back, but most probably that won't happen.

[qerp32]

Just wanted to add: As far as I know, there isn't a way to find out of people have blocked you on MSN anymore (unless logged into an account which has the other person added to contacts). They fixed this years ago. Any websites or software that still claim to do it will just randomly generate a yes or no. Sad I know. Even if she has blocked you, it doesn't necessarily mean she hates you and doesn't want to talk to you again. Sometimes I temporarily block even my closest friends just because I don't want to be hassled. In your situation, she's probably just done it to aid in cutting contact for the month.

REGARDLESS of all this, I do think you need to start treating this as a breakup. As Gemini said, it doesn't look good. The whole "month break" thing is so selfish if you think about it. She's basically telling you that she probably doesn't want to be with you. She is keeping you on a leash for that period whilst she gets a "head-start". She is free to do whatever she wants, and you are left waiting for an answer from her. She has complete control over you, and she knows this.

My advice: Its time to turn the tables. DO NOT wait around for her! Cut contact now, ignore any messages or calls you get. This includes the "important" ones - she is using you here. If you're this unimportant to her then let other people more important to her give her comfort. Delete her from Facebook! This is extremely important. Do everything you can to remove her from your life. Do everything you can to stop yourself checking up on her. She is living miles away from you now - use this to your advantage!

This isn't what you want to hear, I know. I was given the whole "its not you its me", "the spark is gone", "i've changed", etc, so I know how you feel. Its your first love as well so you will probably find it hard to accept this advice. Perhaps this will make it easier: if she does come back, it will most likely happen because you took this advice and left her alone. I'm sure she will miss you a lot, no matter what happens, but this doesn't mean she will come back. It is really important that you do not get any false hope from messages she sends or phone calls. Be very careful of wishful thinking when reading messages. If she wants to come back, she will let you know somehow - very clearly. Even if you are ignoring her. Don't fall for anything less. Go for no contact - its win/win. If she doesn't come back then you won't be all that bothered about it in a month or two anyway. But know this: every time you have some kind of contact with her, your progress will reset and you'll have to start all over again. You'll be left hating yourself for giving in. DON'T give in, it will get better. No contact is the only way out of this, get on with it now and you'll be the one with the headstart instead!

A couple more things I'd like to add: although it doesn't seem like it now, breakups can lead to a lot of self-improvement and much better things. There's always something to look forward to in life, you just need to be patient. Stick to no-contact, it's the only way out of this situation. Read the stickies on this site. Find someone to talk to or come on here and read topics when you find yourself in a moment of weakness. Good luck!