[feeling helples]

My husband left me 3 months ago and I have discovered that a month before he left, he was in contact with an old girl friend from high school. (30 years ago). I have since found out that they are dating. Since he left, we have jointly filed bankruptcy. Needless to say, neither of us will have enough money to live separately with our wages being garnished. He will not address anything regarding our relationship or money issues. He does not know that I know about the other woman. Shortly, he will be slammed with his wages being garnished and will not have enough money to live on. I don't think the girlfriend has any idea of the bankruptcy. When my husband hits rock bottom, what do you think he will do? Will he try to come back to me? Do most men after an affair come back to the wife. Our circumstances are so complicated with the money issues. Everyone is telling me that he will finally wake up when he see the whole financial picture and how it will effect him. What do you think?

[adam_89]

Well if he does come back then kick him in the a$$ and send him back in the other direction. Don't let him use you. You will find a way to get through what you need to, and you don't need him dragging you down.

[Cat1864]

The first thing that I am going to suggest is that you tell him you know about the other woman. If you try to keep that knowledge from him, you will only cause yourself to resent him even more whether he tries to come back or not.

The second thing is to really think about whether you want to try to save the marriage.

If you don't think you will ever be able to trust him again, then don't put yourself and him through the cycle of reconciliation and separation over and over again.

If you do, think about finding free marriage counseling. At very least, find a third party you both trust to mediate your discussions about the problems in the marriage.

Third, I know that you may have no choice on whether he moves back in because of the money issues. That does not automatically mean that your marriage is going to be worked on or that he wants the marriage to continue or, for that matter, that you want to work on it. You may have to adjust to living separate lives in the same house until a formal divorce or separation can divide what is left after the bankruptcy.

[feeling helples]

Threads merged and edited.

Through the grapevine, I have heard that she isn't in to him as much as he is into her. I have also heard that she has told him that he needs to go home. However, they are still spending a lot of time together and he is spending a lot of time at her place.

I;m not stupid, however, what the heck is going on. They are both married and both separated. If she has told him he needs to go home, why is she still spending so much time with him? Could it just be a friendship? Are they sleeping together? Help!!

[Cat1864]

The 'grapevine' is the worst place to get accurate information. It tends to be very distorted by being passed along one person to another to the point where the original information is almost totally lost.

If you want to know what the truth is, ask your husband. Yes, that means letting him know that you are aware of his possible affair.

[feeling helples]

Okay, its not the grapevine,bad choice of words. A very close friend of my husband told me that is what he said.

[Cat1864]

Have you ever played "telephone" where you have a group of people line up. The first person says something to the second person. The second person is supposed to tell the third person exactly what the first person said and it continues down the line. The last person tells the first person what he/she was told the first person said. It is very rarely even close to what the first person said. Even between the first couple of people there can be a huge mistake in wording.

The only way you will ever be anywhere close to the truth about anything is to talk to your husband. I know you have a lot to deal with in other areas. Why let rumor pile more on top of the rest?

[Gemini54]

You said that your husband left 3 months ago. I assume that this means you're separated and that your marriage is over. Please feel free to correct me if this is not the case.

If this is the case, then essentially it's none of your business who or what he's going out with, whether they like each other, sleep with each other, blah, blah.

Yes, it's hard when someone rebounds so quickly, and of course you're upset and curious. Clearly he's finding solace in the arms of another woman who is telling him he's not ready for a relationship yet.

Ultimately you can't know what's going on in his mind unless you ask him. If you want him back then tell him, otherwise it would be wise to keep out of it or your imagination will run riot.

[Cat1864]

I figure all of her threads will be merged and this one will make more sense.

[Jake2008]

It isn't any of your business what your husband does after you have separated, so why does it bother you so much.

You will likely hear more, not less, as time goes by, so get used to it.

If he was interested in you, and interested in taking a stab at repairing the marriage, he would not be dating this woman, and would be in marriage counselling. The least he would be doing is giving you some sign that he wants to come home, and it doesn't look like he wants to.

After three months and no progress, I'd say it's pretty clear that he's living his life, and you should too.



p.s. Had to spread the rep Gemini, but I agree with your reply.

[talaniman]

I would suggest you plan your own survival, and let him worry about his own behind.

[Serenity768]

Until they are divorced; it is her business.