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Unknown008 · Sep 23, 2009, 07:20 AM

Everything is going on great then! Well, only remains the studies. Good luck for those GED courses! :)

jenniepepsi · Sep 26, 2009, 02:41 PM

To whomever suggested that I get the book "when Dad Hurts Mom' by Lundy Bancroft
Thank yoU SO MUCH! I got it from the library yesterday and I have been reading it. And I'm not sure if its true, or if this writer is biased or something, but from what this writer says, my soon to be ex husband was (and still is) abusive towards me in SO MANY ways that I never noticed. Probably because of my experience with my daughters father who was 'truely' abusive physically beating me and raping me, I didn't notice when my husband angrily demanded I come home from my neighbors house after only 30 minutes of talking with her (about unimportant girl stuff) or when he corners me against the kitchen counter to tower over me and yell at me. Granted, I yelled back sometimes, and I was wrong, but I'm almost positive that I wasn't as threatening or intimidating as he was.

So thanks for this book. I haven't gotten to the advice about helping the kids with it yet, I'm still reading through the beginning where he is describing different abuse scenarios. But I LOVE this book!

jenniepepsi · Sep 28, 2009, 10:28 AM

I hope this doesn't make me sound mean or judgemental or critical or anything but id like to get some opinions on it.

It seems very 'conveinient' and more than coincidence to me.

Issac found out yesterday that I filed the police report about him destorying my things. And he called me this morning to say he was so so sorry about it and he was angry and didn't mean to and he was sorry.

Its been a month. Is it wrong of me to NOT take this apologie at face falue? I accepted it politely. But I honestly don't believe it.

Justwantfair · Sep 28, 2009, 10:32 AM

Your husband is mentally challenged, what happens if you don't take the apology at face value? Nothing changes, what's done is done. He lost his cool, it's hard to believe that when faced with a consequence he wouldn't regret his actions.

Is he calling from jail?

Cat1864 · Sep 28, 2009, 11:18 AM

Since the apology came after he found out he was in trouble for his actions, face value isn't much.

If he had apologized before finding out about the police report, I would put more stock in it. As it is, it sounds like something a lawyer would suggest to try to lessen the damages.

I hope all is still going well for you and Ayla and your grandmother.

88sunflower · Sep 29, 2009, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

i hope this doesnt make me sound mean or judgemental or critical or anything but id like to get some opinions on it.

it seems very 'conveinient' and more than coincidence to me.

issac found out yesterday that i filed the police report about him destorying my things. and he called me this morning to say he was so so sorry about it and he was angry and didnt mean to and he was sorry.

its been a month. is it wrong of me to NOT take this apologie at face falue? i accepted it politely. but i honestly dont believe it.

I am a day late on this but in my opinion who cares what he says at this point. He did it and its done. You can't get those things back. Sorry won't bring them back.

MsMewiththat · Sep 29, 2009, 11:22 AM

Even if he wasn't in trouble, he would probably attempt to contact you. He's your husband. Real love and feelings don't disolve over night From this point what is most important is what you do with the contact that you have with him. If you take it at face value isn't as important at this point. If you edcide to take him back without first seeking help or counseling that might not be in your best interest. I think it's important that you grow from the experience just as much as he does. Live and learn and apply what you learn and you'll get there.

artlady · Sep 29, 2009, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

i hope this doesnt make me sound mean or judgemental or critical or anything but id like to get some opinions on it.

it seems very 'conveinient' and more than coincidence to me.

issac found out yesterday that i filed the police report about him destorying my things. and he called me this morning to say he was so so sorry about it and he was angry and didnt mean to and he was sorry.

its been a month. is it wrong of me to NOT take this apologie at face falue? i accepted it politely. but i honestly dont believe it.

Someone dropped the ball if he was allowed to call from jail!
He would have to call collect and if would be a violation of a restraining order for him to contact you.
You should not even be on his "call " sheet from jail.

88sunflower · Sep 29, 2009, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

He is in jail!

dont ask me WHY it took so long for them to arrest him. maybe they were investigating or something. i hope so because they would also see that all my life i have lived without being admited to the mental wing of the hosptial. but as soon as i was with him, i was in and out several times a year. and then im sure they got my record from the urgent care clinic for my jaw. my family says no one talked to them though.

but he is in jail for 90 days. and the restraining order went thru so he isnt allowed around either me or my daughter, and that also means, i get off the rent and electric bills.

How can he call you? Look above.

Justwantfair · Sep 29, 2009, 12:24 PM

Thank you, Artsy.

All calls from jail are collect and they are required to state that the calls are placed from a correctional facility at which point you are asked to accept the call.

Telephone contact is a direct violation of Order of Protection, there is to be NO CONTACT via email, telephone or person.

justcurious55 · Sep 29, 2009, 12:39 PM

Does jail for 90 days actually mean 90 days in this case or is it one of those things where they're sentenced for a certain amount of time and then are able to get out early? Like if someone were sentenced to 10 years but then eligible for parole after 6 years? Or however that works.

justcurious55 · Sep 29, 2009, 10:34 PM

I wasn't trying to imply that he hadn't broken the order. I agree 100% that he did. But if he were out then I would at least understand how he was able to place the call to her.

jenniepepsi · Sep 30, 2009, 03:26 PM

*sigh* I'm just goonna stop updating you guys. I'm tired of being called a liar and crap.

I don't know how or why he called me. I DID tell the police officer on my case and tell him he called me, and told him why he called me. The number showed up on my cell as 'unknown'

I'm sorry I don't have all the details. I'm sorry I don't know what's going through his mind. I'm sorry I don't know EVERYTHING that is going on.

Alty · Sep 30, 2009, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

*sigh* im just goonna stop updating you guys. im tired of being called a liar and crap.

i dont know how or why he called me. i DID tell the police officer on my case and tell him he called me, and told him why he called me. the number showed up on my cell as 'unknown'

im sorry i dont have all the details. im sorry i dont know whats going thru his mind. im sorry i dont know EVERYTHING that is going on.

Jennie, the fact is that every time you update there's another inconsistency.

If he's in jail for 90 days and you have an order of protection against him then he wouldn't be allowed to call you. Also, you would have to accept the charges, even if the call came through as "unknown" which also doesn't make sense.

This isn't adding up, that's why we're questioning it.

Put yourself in our shoes, read your posts from an outside perspective, what would you think?

jmjoseph · Sep 30, 2009, 06:01 PM

Jennie, I am glad you are getting on with your life. Isaac has made some bad decisions, so let him be. That means do not talk to him if he calls. Let a go-between correspond with him. Why give him a chance when you've already made up your mind? "I'm sorry" doesn't take away the fact that he HIT YOU.

Good luck to you.

Just Dahlia · Sep 30, 2009, 06:12 PM

Jennie, no matter how he got a hold of you, do NOT go back.

All the jails that I know (which is sad that I have this knowledge) are always collect calls. No one has a phone, they take everything away from them. If he is still in jail he could not have called you. Maybe he is out on good behavior:confused: if so, they should have informed you, so you could be prepared.

I'm sure that you saved the message, so make sure that you show it to the police. It would be a violation (I think) since you have the restraining order. They can find out what number it came from and then go from there. Maybe some one snuck in a phone and he decided to harass you.

Who Knows! But I never answer 'unknown' numbers unless it's Unky:D

asking · Oct 1, 2009, 06:34 AM

I don't see why it would need to be a collect call if it is a local call.
Also, he got Jennie directly. There was no "message" to save.

But I agree, Jennie, if he calls again, tell him you will not talk to him and hang up.
Congratulations on all your successes!

Justwantfair · Oct 1, 2009, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by asking

I don't see why it would need to be a collect call if it is a local call.

If you call from a correctional facility, it has to be announced and the jail isn't going to pay for you to make calls while you are incarcerated. The only calls you can make are collect because they will not pay for inmates to sit on the phone with whomever for however long.

According to Jennie, last week, Isaac was incarcerated for 90 days for battery, now that inhibits him from making calls unless they are collect. He would not be released for 'good behavior' as at most you gain one day for everyday served. It's worth determining how/why he is able to call her. If he has posted a bail/bond, that would make the situation make sense, but on a whole the situation has holes.

Jennie, we are here to help. I have a hard time following your posts because they always are so dramatic with information that often contradicts itself. I have no doubt that your life is dramatic, but the first step to getting your life in order is to be in charge of it and know what is going on. Maybe you don't know why or how Isaac called you, but you should have hung up as soon as you determined that it was him. Stop the insanity in your own life by being in charge of it, right now all I get is that you enjoy all of the chaos of your own life. If you enjoy the chaos then there isn't much we can assist with other than listening to all of these stories.

J_9 · Oct 1, 2009, 06:45 AM

Hey, guess what... I don't believe cell phones are able to take collect calls. Please correct me if I am wrong.

asking · Oct 1, 2009, 09:14 AM

JWF,
You may have missed my point, which is that a local call is usually charged by phone companies as a flat rate. You pay $15 a month (or whatever rate) for as many local calls as you want. I would assume a correctional facility would have such an arrangement. So if you call outside the area--which is often the case for inmates--it would cost extra and they would make you call collect. But, as when I call home from a hospital receptionist's phone, there is no extra charge to the institution and so no reason to make it collect.

But I agree that the jail ought to be monitoring his calls better. But MAYBE they aren't. I think that you put too much faith in the perfection of an unknown jail and too little in Jennie Pepsi's simple statement of events. I do not feel that she is overdramatizing anything. I am really surprised by the lack of support here. If she says he called her, I believe her. It's not incumbent on Jennie to instantly know how that could have happened. Rules get broken, people make mistakes.

Maybe she shouldn't have let him talk, but that's another issue, one of setting boundaries and not cooperating when he violates his no contact rule. If all of us were perfect at setting limits at the right time we wouldn't have any problems to share here. We'd all be perfect. :)