[talaniman]

Sorry for your loss as it can be pretty tough to be betrayed like that, but your free now, and just need to take plenty of time to heal, and regroup. Its not easy rebuilding, but I'll bet you've learned a lot about a female who won't communicate.

[Tiger30]

Yeah, it's tough... she didn't have to stab me over and over and then stick the knife and and leave it... she had the opportunity to during one of our discussions to end it maturely... but guess what... SHE WAST CLOSE TO LAND... so she couldn't jump ship! The weird thing... is she does this with every relationship... its kind of funny... not really... but after we broke up, or SHE left... then I find out all this crap that had been going on... and THEN I find out how she did the same thing to her EX husband and... so me and her got together soon after they separated.. and she talked bad about him... and now after tlkn to certain people about all this... they told me some things that happened with him and her.. and she had totally lied to make him look like a bad guy... thats what she's doing with me... tryin to make me look like the bad guy... anyway... I only know and love a part of her.. and that's fine... doesnt mean I have to be with her... but the other part of her that is capable of treating people so negatively, and cruel... I feel very sad for... she's got to feel horrible about herself. Anyway, I HAVE learned so much... and all those signs I saw, and she manipulated around, won't ever happen to me again... not to that extent... & I still got to remember the next girl I get with... it's a totally different person so it starts a new. Now, I have ups and downs... but mainly I'm OK... every time I wake up in the morning I have to relive it though... so, I'm not over it yet.. probably be a long time... but as far as being able to move on and live my llife... I think I'm doing good... the pain is so tough though... I was emotionally stabbed several times and then she just left the knife there and dissappeared. I'm not like that... I can understand how people or anyone could do that... but... I don't have to understand it I guess... just need to move on

[Tiger30]

OK, iv'e done a bunch of reading... and I understand more of what happened and I wish I acted earlier on the signs I saw. She did use a smoke screen.. ie depression, medication and all that... but it was for fear of telling me the truth... she was in a high so to speak earlier on in relationship... and seeking commitment... I agreed to commit and then the fun or whatever of chasing that goal was over... now what... she starts feeling trapped about our decisions... and she doesn't want the closeness because she is scared... now she gets even more scared because she's been there before... and new she was pushing me away and didn't want to... I shouldve stood up for myself a long time ago and it may have helped her quit the cycle... because she can't end the cycle herself... its sad... but she will continue doing this until she learns more and more about herself and relationships... she wasn't attracted to me anymore... and didn't want to have sex with me... she wanted to have sex with other guys... which is a normal human feeling... even if its wrong to act upon... but I understand it, and know that there are other girls that have more self control and love to offer than that... it just hurts so bad.. we were so good together... I need to talk a lot about this because I miss her more and more and haven't contacted her in 7 weeks... I have to remain strong... because her knowing that I would be there for her in a second makes her not have any respect for me...

I'm just hurting

[WhatN3XT]

I am so sorry for your pain. I have posted on here because my Fiancé is acting all weird towards me, and we are in the process of working it all out. I have just read your whole story and hope I'm not on the same path, time will tell. All I can say is that it seems to me she didn't have all the plans completed until July 7th (Place to go). Please stay postitive and good luck.

[Tiger30]

Thanks man, hopefully some of this discussion will help others such as yourself in their relationships. Not sure how you can just FIX a relationship or anything, seems almost impossible. Because if you care, then naturally you're going to try to love or do whatever... and sometimes the girl needs something to try to get... if it's there already, what's the use? That's partly why I feel I "loved" my ex girlfriend so much, because in order to have the frkn relationship I better do more or guess what... there IS nothing. So I know its better for myself in the long run to be without her... but right now, I can't get negative images out of my head... i.e.. Her and her new boyfriend? Not sure, someone said they ended it few weeks ago... but if its been 7 weeks about... howcome she hasn't called me... I know she has got to miss me... and wonder what I'm doing... I'm in the same boat, but it was her choice to leave... not mine. Anyway... I need some loving... and I need a daylight job... my shift sux.

I thought I'd be a lot better by now... nope... lil bit maybe... but I cannot keep her out of my forethought... I feel helpless, and empty at times... I don't feel like I can talk about it to friends and family anymore... they've heard it enough... but I can't not talk about it... it still hurts so bad

[talaniman]

Wouldn't it be a lot easier, when the partner we chose, is on the same page as us, at the same time, and feels the way we do?? If it were only that easy.

Communications is so very important, and without it, even the strongest love cannot sustain a relationship. Unfortunately especially when there is no communications, those strong feelings of love keep us from letting go when we must and even blind us to the reality of our situation.

The healing process can be long and painful, but it does allow us to slowly see our situation much more clearly, and come to terms with accepting what is, and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that lights a new path to travel.

This is where your at Tiger, and despite all you have been through, your coming to terms with that reality you find yourself in. The road you where on before is washed out and your trying to figure out the new path to take. Painful I know, for us all, but you'll get there eventually. You just have to cope with the pain, and keep looking for the future, and grow, and learn. Slowly rebuild yourself.

Its all about self discovery, and working through the pain, to be happy with yourself.

[Tiger30]

Thanks man... u know everything is so much more difficult now... getting out of bed... doing laundry... taking care of dogs... im emotionally spent... it's tough just to live right now. I cannot wait until I'm over this because because I feel like hell. Would I feel that much different if she were to just be more honest with me? Yet still, I'm on way to new path regardless... I couldve understood or accepted it easier... right? How long would it to "get over it" if she was honest the entire time and never cheated... compared to the way she ended it? I know she feels like crap about what she did... but she must like her "new life" because she isn't contacting me and I've had thoughts on contacting her... but I don't think she deserves that... I just need a new girl to keep me busy... anyway.. thanks man... ima be fine.. slowly but surely!

[Tiger30]

Thank God I Have an awesome girlfriend. She is awsome

[girlsmakeyoucrazy]

So what happened, you found someone else better? My situation was almost identical to yours. My girlfriend was on medication for depression. She didn't communicate. Stopped wanting sex. I gave her everything. Like you she follows a pattern with previous boyfriends. Like you she was looking for commitment and I think she lost attraction for me once she got that. Also, know this girl for a long time (14 years), and was first love. She also cheated which came out of the blue and showed almost no remorse. Similarities are crazy. Anyway, I hope you receive this and tell me what happened in between your last few posts. Did she contact you eventually? Did you speak at all now, or have you seen her? I feel really about things still, and it's been 5 months. It was great to read your post about you giving and giving, and her just taking and not recipricating. It is really tough to be in a relationship like that.