[izmena1984]

Hello everyone,
Couple days ago I broke up with my fiancé, because I simply did not see us ever making it. My fiancé is Italian/American and I am Ukrainian, we fell in love instantly and after 6 month we were engaged. From the very beginning we had our differences: background, culture, hobbies, interests, tastes, level of education--everything was different. We had constant arguments because of that, but somehow we always made it work. However after my fiancé 8 month ago lost his job, things really went south. When it was 5 month before the wedding-- I started a talk with my fiancé on how we should postpone the wedding due to our financial difficulties (since he was still unemployed). He took it the wrong way and we almost broke up because of that, but he came around and we moved on. However his Italian temper mixed with his pessimistic personality started really getting on the way of our relationship. We would be together for 2-3 days than have a horrible fight about something little--and than we would not talk for 1-2 weeks. What was the worst about it was his use of profanity--I was raised in a respectful family and for me swear words are unacceptable. So it would be him who would always call first--since I was always too upset with him. He would tell me that our fights are normal, that we are just going through hard times and that eventually everything will be OK. I would believe him and after short time would find us fighting again. My fiancé lost his father right before we started dating==who was his ultimate rock and savior. He always relied on his dad for help and always though that he would inherit part of his dad's business. Because of that he never went to college and never really specialized in anything. He worked for his dad's business and after his father passed away he got kicked out. Long story short, my fiancé has no idea of how to survive on his own, he doesn't want to go back to school and he recently had to sell his house as he could no longer afford it. I have tried helping him, even had him live in my parents apartment with me, since I don't have my own yet. But bottom line is he is 33 years old and has absolutely nothing going for him, whereas I am studding to be a CPA and, thus, have a lot going for me. I love my fiancé, but I just don't see him as a good husband figure. So I decided to end our relationship, before it got even uglier and, thus, more hurtful. Do u guys think I did the right thing or not?

[harriejansen]

I think you did the best you could do for yourself!

[Jake2008]

It sounds like you were both going in opposite directions right from the start.

When love hits hard, nothing seems insurmountable. But, eventually reality sinks in, and the cold hard facts of life have to be addressed.

That he has lived his life expecting to be taken care of (by inheriting his fathers business), he has short changed himself in growing up, and making his own way in life. At the age of 32 with no opportunitities in sight, and not sounding like a particularly motivated individual, with any goals or plans, I think you are right to break up with him.

Some things you need to establish in order to have a baseline for success. When the burden falls all onto one person, it is a heavy burden, and difficult to change.

I think you did the right thing.

[amicon]

Yes I agree with the previous posters.
There needs to be equality and a give and take in a relationship for it to work.
Your ex has to grow up and become an adult.He comes across as an immature person who s always looked to somebody else to take care of him.
Sometimes we just have to let go or we ll end up emotionally drained and untrue to ourselves.

[kctiger]

You know how they say, "All ya need is love!"? Well that isn't always true, case in point your relationship. Sometimes two people are just way too different and in the end aren't compatible. That is fine. You did what you felt best as in the long run I wouldn't see this relationship lasting the test of marriage. He needs to be a man and make a name for himself, not live off a legacy he had nothing to do with.

[I wish]

If you say you still love him, no one is going to doubt that. The problem here is that the two of you are very different to the point that you're not compatible for one another.

Furthermore, there are too many things that you want to change about him. You have to remember, you can't enter a marriage "hoping" the other person will change.

Any break up is tough. It's even tougher when you were engaged. But you did what was best for you.

The pain may still linger now, but give yourself time and patience to recover from this break up.

[izmena1984]

Thank you guys for your input... I am so confused right know that it is nice to know that people are on my side.

[talaniman]

You did the right thing as I'm sure you don't want a husband or boyfriend you have to raise from a child. Get a real man, and you'll be glad you dumped the kid.

[ZoeMarie]

we fell in love instantly and after 6 month we were engaged. From the very beginning we had our differences: background, culture, hobbies, interests, tastes, level of education--everything was different.

I have to ask, was it just physical attraction? You can't build a relationship on that.

[izmena1984]

To answer your question ZoeMarie, now that I am looking back at my relationships it does seem that we were just physically attracted to each other--not in love--at least I was not ---but why does it hurt so much?

[amicon]

All breakups hurt even if we re the ones that finished it.
It takes time to grieve something that is no more.
It helps to remember that you made the best decision possible for yourself and your life.