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liz28 · Sep 23, 2009, 09:00 AM

It seems like the both of you are getting yourself work up for no reason at all. The two of you are over and it is expected for the two of you to date other people. I don't think the two of you are really over each other and this is why your act the way you so towards each other dates.

Also, why did you have to help her move her bed? I think you took this as an opening to get back into her life. This is why you acting the way you did when you saw the wrapper in the garage. You two have been broken up for two years so what did you expect??

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 09:01 AM

KC, yeah I knew it was bound to happen, I just don't think I would ever bring an interest into her house. Kind of like behind enemies lines type of deal. They are not "together" yet so to me its not like it's a boyfriend who she cares so much for that she wants to bring to her brothers house knowing damn well that I live there too. I just feel that I don't know where he lives or what he has but yet he has been able to go to his new interst Ex boyfriend house. To me it feels as if he has the upper hand and is laughing all the way to the bank so to speak.

kctiger · Sep 23, 2009, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by overayear

KC, yeah I knew it was bound to happen, I just dont think I would ever bring an interest into her house. Kinda like behind enemies lines type of deal. They are not "together" yet so to me its not like its a boyfriend who she cares so much for that she wants to bring to her brothers house knowing damn well that i live there too. I just feel that I dont know where he lives or what he has but yet he has been able to go to his new interst Ex boyfriend house. To me it feels as if he has the upper hand and is laughing all the way to the bank so to speak.

The upper hand on what? Come on man, act like a mature person that I KNOW you are. Who gives a rat's a$$ what he knows. You have your own life and own things going on. I think you are creating this sort of game or competition in your head. I am sure that guy didn't feel comfortable going to your house. I know I wouldn't want to go to my girlfriend's exs' house. I am starting to think you really want her back... am I wrong? I think BOTH of you are to blame here and you are both trying to push each other's buttons. To me that seems childish and it would be in your best interests to be the bigger man and ignore her BS.

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 09:05 AM

Liz, I really didn't want to help her with the Bed. I don't call her or try to hang out with her. The bed was for someone in my family so I picked it up for them. I am not mad at the fact that she is with other people so much at the fact that if you knew I was coming over and invited me that you would have the decency to clean up a bit. Also I didn't ask her about it or who it was but that I seen it and was upset. She didn't have to lie about it right. Why not own up to it. I think you are right though I need to let this go. It just grind my gears.

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 09:09 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

The upper hand on what? Come on man, act like a mature person that I KNOW you are. Who gives a rat's a$$ what he knows. You have your own life and own things going on. I think you are creating this sort of game or competition in your head. I am sure that guy didn't feel comfortable going to your house. I know I wouldn't want to go to my girlfriend's exs' house. I am starting to think you really want her back...am I wrong? I think BOTH of you are to blame here and you are both trying to push each other's buttons. To me that seems childish and it would be in your best interests to be the bigger man and ignore her BS.

I do have my own life and things going on and you are right I prob shouldn't care. I just do, it makes me upset that this guy is walking around in my house. No honestly it isn't about getting her back, I have been down that road. I have been the bigger person through out this break up to be honest. I didn't call her, but if it things were reversed I would have gotten the phone call as soon as she found out. You all are right though and I don't think I am going to call her out on it. It was just create more of a drama issue then I want.

Justwantfair · Sep 23, 2009, 09:18 AM

The only thing clear is that after TWO YEARS neither one of you is recovered and moved on. I imagine because you have tried and continued to have contact throughout the two years.

Who cares what she has in her trash. That was what was supposed to be at the top of her thoughts when you were coming over to move a bed? Maybe she left it there to annoy you and see if she could spark a reaction. These are all just games and right now you are just as guilty. She can't play a game if she is the only participant.

Either sit down with her and iron out your emotions and restart the relationship, which is what you both want OR enforce No Contact and as long as her visits (and whomever she brings) are with her brother when you are not home, you do not have any control. So you can move if you don't like it or get over it.

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 09:47 AM

Yeah and ironing out your emotions and restart the relationship is not going to happen. I have been I NC for a little while now, and we barely speak as it is. But yes you are right, this whole time we continued "speaking" with each other. It was hard for both of us to let go because of how strong and how much we had been through. She reached a point in her life where she wasn't sure what she wanted. I wish I would have found this site to avoid all the mistakes I made. She would never fully let go though and kept on sucking me back in. That's just a rant but back to the question at hand you all are right. We are not together and are not getting together again. I just didn't think she would be like that and bring this guy to my house. I don't understand!!

unaffected · Sep 23, 2009, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by overayear

I just didnt think she would be like that and bring this guy to my house. I dont understand!!!

Perhaps in her eyes, she was bringing a guy over to her brother's house. I'm sure her brother cares about who she dates, and she probably wanted them to meet. I don't blame her for this.

Like others have stated, it's hard to believe you did not see this coming at some point.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2009, 10:26 AM

You are way overreacting. What ever buttons she is trying to push, after the long drawn out break up, your allowing by acknowledging your mad, and upset.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them see you sweat!!!

When you play kid games, with a kid, that makes you a kid too!

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 10:29 AM

I did see it coming, and am OK with her dating other people. Her brother has met him before but she tells even him that he isn't an interest but just a friend and that nothing is going on. Regardles of that, I just didn't feel that it was necessary to bring him to my house. You could have came alone, or you guys can go out somewhere to meet. I understand that I shouldn't call her out on it. But am I really wrong for feeling disrespected? We have been through a lot together and it was a serious relationship.

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 10:33 AM

Tal-How am I the one playing games? I haven't said anything to her, I haven't said anything to her friend. She will call me out in a heartbeat the min she hears anything about me. I am always cool when I see her, no matter all the we are going through. I at least say hello, I am polite when she calls and tried to be the bigger person through out this whole ordeal!

Justwantfair · Sep 23, 2009, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by overayear

But am i really wrong for feeling disrespected? We have been through alot together and it was a serious relationship.

I believe that you are. I don't find it disrespectful. It is her brother's house as well and you were not home. She is still just calling him a 'friend' anyway.

Yes, I think it would be bothersome to me, it would hurt my feelings (not after two years and if I had moved on) but given your circumstance it is to be expected. If you choose to stay great friends with her brother than your paths will cross.

I imagine it is just as disrespectful to her that you maintained a relationship with her brother following a break up. He is family, you are not, I imagine that bothered her quite a bit also. Now she is expected to modify her relationship with her brother for your consideration? You didn't consider her while maintaining that friendship.

Justwantfair · Sep 23, 2009, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by overayear

Tal-How am I the one playing games? I havent said anything to her, I havent said anything to her friend. She will call me out in a heartbeat the min she hears anything about me. I am always cool when i see her, no matter all the we are going through. I at least say hello, I am polite when she calls and tried to be the bigger person through out this whole ordeal!

Well I would think that even acknowledging what you found in the trash is not appropriate and makes you a partcipant.

After you left, why did you even accept the phone call.

If you aren't no contact, you are a participant.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2009, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by overayear

Tal-How am I the one playing games?

Whether she knows how you feel, or not, your letting her get to you.

Its been close to two years and we both haven't been in another relationship.

Wonder why??

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 12:06 PM

I imagine it is just as disrespectful to her that you maintained a relationship with her brother following a break up. He is family, you are not, I imagine that bothered her quite a bit also. Now she is expected to modify her relationship with her brother for your consideration? You didn't consider her while maintaining that friendship.[/QUOTE]

I would usually agree with you here and say that it would be disrespectfull, but we were all friends before my Ex and I got together. Which is why my Ex and I tried to be friends after. Not only that but we both thought we would get together again. Doesn't quite work out that way, but it is what it is.

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 12:09 PM

Yeah you guys know how to whip someone in Shape. I didn't think I was playing a game, but maybe I was playing into them. I haven't been in another relationship because I didn't want to be and really wasn't ready too. Maybe I was over reacting.

Justwantfair · Sep 23, 2009, 12:36 PM

You are still invested in the relationship emotionally, we are not. It is easy for us to be direct but if you think about what is being said there is a lot of value in the opinion of people whose emotions aren't invested in the situation.

You have lengthened your healing time by trying to maintain a 'friendship' with your ex before your feelings were resolved. I don't think that you are ready to date still today and that is because of trying to maintain that 'friendship'. Is it possible to remain friends with your ex? Yes, but that can't be done until you have emotionally healed and moved on. Until you can find trash in her trash can and not have it feel like a slap in the face. Until you can find out that she visited your house and be upset that you missed catching up with her.

liz28 · Sep 23, 2009, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by overayear

We have been through alot together and it was a serious relationship.

This the problem. The two of you were together but that ship has sail. The two of you get upset when you see one another with someone and you let each other see it. Both of you are entitle to be with whoever you want and need to move forward. It doesn't matter if she tells you the guy she is seeing is just a friend or more because after all you shouldn't care but if you do it just proves your aren't over her.

overayear · Sep 23, 2009, 01:16 PM

I actually do not wish to catch up with her or see her for that matter. The times she has come over the house I made it a point to not be there when she arrived. On the other hand I believe its her who tries to visit when I am around. All this really doesn't matter. Liz. I wouldn't say that care that she has found someone. But I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me when I first heard the news. I knew this time was coming. Its just something you can't really be preapared for. I am moving on and doing things I like to do, but when you are with someone every day then you break up and still see each other for a year then finally break it off. Its not an easy thing to over come. I will though and have all ready calmed down since my post earlier today. I do not plan on telling her anything about it or even speaking to her for that matter. People should really think tiwce about starting a relationship with a friend. If you guys break up, its hard to keep that friendship.

overayear · Nov 3, 2009, 09:16 AM

Soo my ex invited me over to her new place to hang out for a bit and to check out her new spot. I haven't seen her or talked to her since our last incident. Since then she has texted me saying she miss me has tried calling a couple times, now has invited me over to her place. Should I go hang out for a bit?