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catrinalyne · Feb 10, 2009, 08:52 PM

My husband of 4 years treats me like a child. He acts like I'm totally incapable of doing household chores and taking care of my kids. He is a main manager for a huge retail chain and bosses people around all day and when he gets home he treats me like an employee. He will ask/tell me to do something a million times if I don't get up and do it the first time he mentions it. I have been trying and trying to tell him for years how it makes me feel when he does it and he listens for a month or two but then goes right back to himself. I'm sick of being treated like a child, if I wanted to be treated like that I could have stayed with my parents! How do I get him to treat me like an adult? I do all the household chores, I live in a very clean home so it's not that I neglect my duties. Has anyone else had to deal with this? How do I get him to realize once and for all that I am an adult and I don't need orders to do my job.

mdunn · Feb 10, 2009, 11:40 PM

This is really hard. From experience people like your husband got used to the fact that they can boss of everyone. Talk to him again. Tell him its not good for your relationship as a husband and wife. And have patience.

proudpole48 · Feb 11, 2009, 09:38 AM

Yeah it is kind of hard, obviously he is taking the power trip to his head from his job and probably sees your home as the night shift.
Does he talk that way to your children as well?
I grew up with a father who was very demanding of myself, siblings, and mother for years, not very fun.
I would say just try to talk to him about it and see how he responds, he may not even realize it and is just on cruise control from work.

frangipanis · Feb 13, 2009, 02:02 AM

Each time he bosses you, you need to be very firm and tell him he is acting 'out of line'.

He seems to also find it difficult keeping his work and homelife balanced. You could ask him if he thinks it might be a problem for him and offer to help find a solution with him. There are plenty of resources out there that talk about that need.

You could possibly also suggest setting up a home gym, for you both to take massage classes together (or arrange for him to have a regular massage somewhere reputable - or you do it for him), go swimming, sit in a spa bath... anything that helps him to relax when he gets home. Even if it's chilling out in front of TV for an hour or two. But he needs to mark the point where his work day ends and the life he wants to have with you.

diedrewill2009 · Sep 22, 2009, 06:55 PM

I can very much relate. My husband is VP of global sales for a large company and has a work ego the size of Texas. We're OK if we're IMing each other throughout the day but get me in his office or sometimes even on the phone with him during the workday and it's explosive. I've never been one to let someone treat me like this. Unfortunately he got into this habit with his ex so somehow he still thinks it's OK. I put the hammer down on him every time he does this. There is no way I will tolerate being treated with such disrespect. The irony is that most of the time he is completely dead wrong or out of line and it usually takes about 8+ hours for him to finally admit to his mistakes. Men are like dogs, you've got to stay on them with a very short leash or they will never be trained properly. Unfortunately, this kind of mentality - in regards to work and hierarchy's between men and women - is all too pervasive in our society. It takes a strong woman to make this stop. You can do it!

mysay · Jan 22, 2011, 01:44 AM

My husband treats me like a child also, we have been to marriage counciling in which he has been explained how deeply he doing this effects mea s it takes me right back to the abuse in my childhood. He I thought had changed and was more understanding but as it seems after a few months his true colours and self importance by making me feel **** by be littling and degrading me (thats exactly what they do when they treat you like a child) has started up again, and gets worse so when I've caught up with my friends or show sign of feeling independent and strong. Im completely feed up I know the only way this beahaviour stops is if you leave, these people are incapable of change! I just hope you have more of a backbone than me best of luck.