[danilove]

My husband is in the military and he just got deployed, and I feel horrible because I am afraid he will cheat on me. With his best friend, another male soldier. I get confused because they joke around constantly with each other, about ing each other. Mimicking sex acts, saying suggestive come-ons to one another. They have a really close friendship, and I understand that , but how much is too close? They constantly say I love you to one another. Maybe I'm just insecure, because I feel that he enjoys spending more time with his best friend than me. I have told him to stop joking around like that, because it bothers me and he just blows me off. And I try to take the initiative when it comes to sex, but he always seems to get turned off when I make the first move. He likes having sex only when he is in the mood, and he is in control. When I try to get him turned on by doing sexy things , he looks at me like I'm just desperate, and it makes me feel like he doesn't want me. Maybe I am desperate. Maybe my need to have him, want to have sex with me, is a sad way of reassuring myself that he is still Happy with being married to me. I know he loves me, but what if he is sexually attracted to another guy also? I would never want to be with anybody but him. What can I do? Is my concern crazy?

[Synnen]

What can you do?

You can sit down with him and calmly discuss your feelings and concerns.

You can ALSO see a counselor to work on your self-esteem. I know it sucks to feel "rejected" by someone you care about, but you also have to have enough confidence in yourself and your marriage to trust in your husband.

A frank discussion with your husband is a good place to start, though.

[danilove]

I know. I guess I have known, for a while that I had to sit down with him, and have an honest talk. It's just... I needed that extra opinion to give me a boost of confidence. (Self -esteem issue) Which of course may be the root of this whole problem. I am completely open to talking to a counselor for my self-esteem, and to have confidence in my marriage. I think also the fact that all these feelings are unresolved right now, and that I can't talk to him about them, face to face is what makes this whole thing seem just more prominent to me. When I know he has to think about his safety first,
I don't want to add to the problems by bringing this up long distance. I think sadly, I have always wanted to be taken cared off, always looking for that father figure of constant reassurance. I want to change my point of view, about myself. Because, today while I was having a self-pity party, I realized that no matter what happens between me and my husband, if the truth is something good, or bad. I need to believe in Myself, nobody else will do it for me. I have to be My best friend, and be a woman my daughters can look up to. I'm 22 years old, and we have two little girls under the age of 2. I have my whole life ahead of me, and I honestly want to love who I am for as long as I'm allowed to be here. So Thank you, for the boost.
I'm determined to be strong, and to be happy, regardless of what happens tomorrow, or who is there with me.

[Cat1864]

It sounds like you are already working on getting a healthier outlook on life. That will be good for you and your daughters in the long run.

As for the general friendship, and this is something that you may want to talk to a base counselor or other military wives/husbands about how to handle, people in the military do form very close bonds with each other (not sexual). It comes from having to trust the other person with their lives. It makes it very difficult on other relationships, because the spouse/mate feels left out or of a lower priority. Just knowing that other spouses are going through the same thing can be a big help.