[looneytunes]

I have been with my partner for 15 years, married for 12 and have 2 children. Our relationship has deteriorated recently, as the children grow I have decided to make my way back into the world and start to build a life which does not revolve solely around family life, get a job etc. My partner has reacted to this badly and recently filmed me showering without my knowledge, something we had talked about and I had made feelings clear that I wasn't into that sort of thing. Following that I found explicit violent porn on his computer and now feel like I hardly know this person. We are continuously going over these 2 issues and it is destroying our relationship. The trust is gone. I cannot get past what has been done and don't know if I should leave or stay and try and work it out for the sake of the children. I have also recently become friends with a man who has a romantic interest and is clouding my judgement even though I know nothing will ever happen between us. I have tried counselling but this has not helped. I have spent many years of our relationship doing most of the housework/raising the kids etc with little input from my partner. What should I do?

[jmjoseph]

You should follow your heart. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. No one else is going to do it for you.

Life is too short .

Why be miserable?

Tell the other guy to back off, you are still a married woman, so act accordingly.

A romantic "friendship" is still cheating.

You should make the proper arrangements for starting a new, improved, life.

Good luck to you.

[amicon]

You wrote the trust is gone-and I find that once this happens its hard to rebuild.your husbands doing things that I d classify as abuse.as for the other guy -yes its cheating as you are still married so he should back off.you have the wellbeing of your children to consider.good luck.

[I wish]

The trust is gone. I cannot get past what has been done and don't know if I should leave or stay and try and work it out for the sake of the children.

Two things I would like to point out:

1) (Check out my signature) No trust = no relationship = no marriage.
You've made attempts to repair the marriage and those attempts seem to have failed. So why continue the pain and suffering?

2) For the sake of your children? Yes... for the sake of your children, please distance yourself from an unhealthy marriage. If you want to put your children's interest first, then make sure that you're in a healthy relationship so that your children live in a better environment.

As for the other man, don't even think about him until you've sorted out your own mess. He's obviously just a rebound right now and it's not fair to him. Maybe one day when all your troubles have settled down, then you can see if there's some potential with him.

[talaniman]

I agree with the others, but hope your smart enough to handle your business at home, before you go starting anything, with anyone else outside the home.

Maybe a separation for a while will allow you to see what you really want more clearly, without his influence, good or bad!