[likestolaugh]

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months. We recently finally told each other that we love one another. Sometimes she's hard to read though (the following letter should explain it). It's hard for me, as I love her so. I thought I'd send her this letter. What do you think of it? Keep in mind that I might be needing a good sense of reality kicked into me right now, so feel free to do it:)

"My dearest [insert her name],

Sometimes I wonder if you and I are on the same page. I love you and I care about you, but I often have a hard time knowing what you feel towards me. While I have never (and never will) ask you to feel a certain way, I find myself often being left confused by what is sometimes very distant and cold behavior. You are a complex person and I appreciate that, but I wish that you would perhaps consider that at this point in our relationship it's difficult for me to have to constantly wonder if there's some issues with us that I don't know about. It is next impossible to distinguish if you might be feeling down/stressed/anxious about something between us or something else in your life, as your outward behavior towards me is almost exactly the same in either situation. Perhaps you can see how this can be difficult for me. I hope (I believe you do) you trust me, and know that that you can tell me anything, because anything is better than nothing. I've led much of my life having to hold things in and it is one of my greatest wishes for that not to be the case between us. I don’t expect things to be perfect between us all the time (that’s not realistic), but I do expect some kind of stability.

That said, it's not always that way with you and I; these days it’s more often than not just the phone conversations that sometimes leave me guessing. I've always found phone conversation difficult, but I've never minded with you, as I love hearing your voice. It seems like we can be great one day, and then the next it's completely different (for reasons that I'm usually completely unaware of)... it's like a yo-yo. I try to tell myself to roll with it, that it's nothing personal... but how am I to know? It's hard for me to understand how, if you feel strongly for someone (if you love them for instance), it can be this way. It's confusing. It’s not easy to know exactly what to say... it's all quite a jumble in my mind. I do know this though... and I know it through and through... I love you. I've never felt it fair to tell anyone that before, because I knew that what I felt wasn't right. This does feel right to me. I realize that you've been through more developed relationships than I have, where love was involved, but I haven't. You've completely stripped me of my shields (nobody's ever been able to do this before), and I guess putting it all on the table makes me a bit vulnerable. Maybe you could call it insecurity, I don't know... but I guess I just need some re-assurance sometimes. There have been times in my past when I've had to (rightly) doubt someone's feelings for me... I don't want to even have those thoughts with you. I just need to know (one way or the other).

Admittedly, recently it's been great with you. I knew a long time ago that I was falling in love with you, even if it was surprising to admit to myself at the time. The time I've spent with you over the past month confirmed it to me... I remember my thoughts when we were together on our trip in the [insert location]... I knew it then, I knew I loved you. I see us as happy together now, and can see the future being bright as well.
I don't know how understandable this email was... I wanted to let you know how I felt about things. I'm happy when we're together, when we're open with each other, when I don’t have to wonder all the time.

Love,
[insert my name]"

So.. I know this was long... sorry about that, I do tend to ramble a bit.

[mudweiser]

Why don't you just tell her this?

Just wondering..

Sarah

[likestolaugh]

While we do talk a lot in person, sometimes it's best and easier for me to properly express something in written form.

[mudweiser]

When writing a love letter, I think it's best for you to write as if you were talking to her.

If you sound like that when you talk "My dearest"...
"Admittedly, recently it's been great with you."-- then send it.

In my opinion it sounds more like a legal letter than a love letter-- it just doesn't sound very loving to me.

Also what you said in that letter, would be better to talk about in person, rather than to give her a piece of paper, and have her read it.

...but then again that's just my opinion.

Sarah

[Gemini54]

I think that a letter can often play a big part in expressing how we feel to someone else.

It gives us the capacity to think about what we are going to say, and it gives the other person the opportunity to read what we have said and to think about it.

I don't think that your letter reads like a love letter, but then neither should it. It is essentially a letter asking for clarification and reassurance.

My comments would be:

- it needs to be shorter - less waffle
- you should ask her some questions so that she can do some thinking e.g. what are the issues that concern you about our relationship? And, do you see a future for our relationship?
- I would tell her that you love her, but I would exclude the bits where you say you feel vulnerable and insecure.

Remember, that most women like their men to be 'manly' so perhaps your tone could be more assertive and less pleading.

Just my thoughts.

[likestolaugh]

Thanks, those are very good points