[ancalagontheblack666]

I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for 6 years. We are very differentbut have never even had a fight that lasted more than 2minutes. We have a lot of fun together, are very close. The sex is good when it happens but we rarely have it, I am not greatly attracted to him physically but he is good in bed. I am 39, he is 30. We have a sexually open relationship: we are allowed to have recreational sex with friends or bathouses, what have you. We aren't supposed to have a "mistress" on the side that we wine, dine and 69.
Last year we moved to the neighbourhood of my youth and met my next door neighbour Evan. Evan is one of the most gorgeous 18 year-olds I have ever met: Long luxuriant blond hair he keeps natural and usually tied back. He is6'2" medium and muscular naturally. His low voice and open blue eyes make me melt. I am very impressed at how this guy was instantly comfortabel with us gay guys next door and he is over every day for a beer or two. I have bonded with him now, made a siubtle pass at him early in the friendship and was refused. I tried to decide at that point that, OK, I like this guy but he just isn't into it. Let's just have fun. Well 8 months has gone by and I still melt when he comes over almost everyday. He thinks it's a little strange though I have told him BASICALLY how I felt at first: I had a crush on him but then I lied and said that it had passed when he repeated rejected my subtle sexual advances. We have become very close friends. I have got him to finally open up and actually be casually affectionate with me. The thing is, the thing he is worried about, like giving me an errection when he just hugs me, is actually true, but I just pretend we're buds. I am thinking I have to put all of the cards on the table and hope he can take it; tell him that I am terrified of losinghis friendship. This won't be easy. I fantasize about him all of the time, rush home from work to hang oout with him until my boyfried gets home. I feel he could be curious but doesn't know how to avoid the issues that would arrise should he experiment.
What should I do?

[poseidon]

You do appear to have a problem.

I am wondering if your neighbour Evan is gay but has not realised or accepted it, heterosexual or ambisexual.

The other thing I am wondering is if you have developed true loving feelings for Evan or whether it is simply a sexual attraction partly because he is young and beautiful.

Before you do anything you must decide if you are prepared to risk the relationship you have with both your partner and your neighbour. Casual, recreational sex is one thing but a more lasting relationship with someone else is another and it is very likely to affect the relationship between you and your partner.

There are three things you should consider. First, confide in your partner and tell him exactly how you feel about Evan. Second, open up fully to your neighbour and tell him how you feel and ask him what his feelings toward you are. Finally, decide that any form of relationship with your neighbour is unlikely and accept this. Do not try to force the issue with him and put him on the spot.

If you take the third option you will have to make a conscious decision and effort to control your emotions and desires when around Evan.

Whatever you decide to do is not going to be easy and could have repercussions, but what is going on emotionally with you at the moment needs to be addressed. If nothing is done your partner will sooner or later realise and if Evan's feelings for you are not or likely to be reciprocated you run the very real risk that the friendly relationship you have with him at the moment will eventually disappear.

Feeling comfortable around people of differing sexual orientations is not uncommon. Although I am a heterosexual both my wife and I are quite comfortable when around people who are gay and equally important, they feel comfortable around us. We have had many gay and lesbian friends.

In normal circumstances I don't consider age differences mean a great deal, but in this case I feel they do. There is 21 years difference in your ages and Evan is only 18. I honestly feel you should consider this because Evan is still very young and has not yet reached full maturity and he may not yet know what his orientations are. Had he been 28 and you 49, even though there would still be 21 years between you I don't think this would matter so much.

I do hope that my answer to your question has been of help to you and I wish you the very best.

Cy
(Poseidon)

[talaniman]

Always show friends respect. Work on your feelings and decide if its worth losing a friend for an emotional release. Be patient and give this a lot of time and thought as this guy is only 18.

[Bluerose]

Sorry, sweetie, but you are almost 40 and he is not yet 20. Do the maths. Perhaps he is finding his way and is looking to you for help and support. Don't see it for more than it is. Push this for anything else and you may lose his friendship and set him back in his personal and emotional growth. Back off.