[jmjoseph]

What you say about the kids is so right. I am going to have a serious talk with him. i am going to tell him that He needs to stop taking the phone with him to the shower and also that he needs to keep his ringer on during the day. I am not going to be too demanding about it but I am going to let him know that everything he has, he is about to lose. I am also going to ask him if he wants to be with someone eles. I want him to know I wont keep his children from him if we break up.

I think that it is fair of you to let him see his children. I hope you understand that you can make a better life for them without someone like him in your way. Any guy that hits a woman is NOT man. Someone needs to whip his a$$, and see how HE likes it. I truly hope you get away from him. Maybe get a friend or family member to help you with it. May GOD keep and protect you.

[jmjoseph]

Let's get one thing straight. He didn't cheat because of your weight. He cheated because he wanted to. That, and because he is not a real MAN. Guys like him make me sick. My wife gained weight after our first son seven years ago. She kept it on and gained more with our second son four years ago. She is just now getting to losing some of the weight. Not ONCE have I said a negative thing. She says" I know I'm fat..." I say "baby, I love you just the way you are". You know why? Because I love her, and I would never say anything to hurt her feelings. Never. Much less cheat on her and try to validate it by BLAMING her. In my opinion, he is a coward, a liar, and a @#$&*^. You should sit him down and make the proper arrangements for a divorce. Any man that would cheat on a pregnant woman, saying she drove him to it by being overweight , deserves to be taken to the cleaners by the best attorney you can find. Bottom line. Do not give him another chance to do this again. He has a myspace account with women on it? Ask him to pick one that will put him up for a while. You should do it while the kids are young.

And you tell your little girl the truth. That her mommie has self-respect and she was tired of being the other woman to a man who didn't respect or deserve to be with her. May GOD give you the courage to make a change in your life. Life is too short to not be loved, respected, and faithful to. You don't want a man like him influencing your children. Or making your life a living hell. Go find yourself a real man. One who will not just say his vows, but who will live by them. I wish you the best of luck.

You wanted a man's opinion, and you got it. Now what are you going to do?

[Ash123]

Please consider WALKING AWAY.

This is a BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD situation. I see NO upside. Am I missing something good? Please tell me now if so.

I know you have his baby, but this is a mess. You need a lawyer and maybe even a restraining order if you walk away. He has a double life, a drinking problem, and no respect for the mother of his child.
And if you stay, you may be making it hard for the child to have a calm stable life you must provide by working hard.

I know you are scared and this is a TERRIBLE feeling...
But, the longer you stay, the worse you will feel if you have no respect.

Ugh, sorry. I know it hurts.

A

[mary79]

Let's get one thing straight. he didn't cheat because of your weight. he cheated because he wanted to. That, and because he is not a real MAN. Guys like him make me sick. My wife gained weight after our first son seven years ago. She kept it on and gained more with our second son four years ago. She is just now getting to losing some of the weight. Not ONCE have I said a negative thing. She says" I know I'm fat..." I say "baby, I love you just the way you are". You know why? because I love her, and I would never say anything to hurt her feelings. Never. Much less cheat on her and try to validate it by BLAMING her. In my opinion, he is a coward, a liar, and a @#$&*^. You should sit him down and make the proper arrangements for a divorce. Any man that would cheat on a pregnant woman, saying she drove him to it by being overweight , deserves to be taken to the cleaners by the best attorney you can find. Bottom line. Do not give him another chance to do this again. he has a myspace account with women on it? Ask him to pick one that will put him up for a while. You should do it while the kids are young.

And you tell your little girl the truth. That her mommie has self-respect and she was tired of being the other woman to a man who didn't repect or deserve to be with her. May GOD give you the courage to make a change in your life. Life is too short to not be loved, respected, and faithful to. You don't want a man like him influencing your children. Or making your life a living hell. Go find yourself a real man. One who will not just say his vows, but who will live by them. I wish you the best of luck.

You wanted a man's opinion, and you got it. Now what are you going to do?

Well fortunately we are not married.
He has never told me he loves me just the way I am. I have a lot to think about. My babies. Myself. God I can't remember being loved for who I am. I don't think I will want another man after this. I'm just so tired and getting through this thing I've been going through. Put together it's just too much I don't even want to face my day. Haven't left the house in days. Thanks

[paxe]

First off, let us not generalize. Men cheat on women, and women cheat on men. My ex cheated on me, dumped me, lied to me, used me, gave me false hope... the list is long. I feel the pain, I really do and there is no excuse for cheating.
I still have to learn to forgive but at a certain time I would have accepted her back and forgave her. It is very hard to forgive such a deed but we have to, In order to advance and to feel great within ourselves.

Not all men are like that believe me and women can do the same things to men. There is no right or wrong decision here, but you should think thoroughly and rationally about your decision. Good luck.

[jmjoseph]

Well fortunately we are not married.
He has never told me he loves me just the way I am. I have alot to think about. My babies. Myself. God I can't remember being loved for who I am. I don't think I will want another man after this. I'm just so tired and getting through this thing I've been going through. Put together it's just too much I don't even want to face my day. Haven't left the house in days. Thanks

Well, I guess I'm guilty of assumption. I thought you two were married. I'm sorry. My answer doesn't change one bit though. Maybe editing a little, but the meat of it still stands. You said you "fixed your hair, put on a little make-up", and he still didn't notice you.Loving guys don't act this way. What's the hard part of making a decision?

If you let him get away with this, he will have a "get laid with no consequences license".

He should be there for you through thick and thin (no pun intended) and be a part of raising his children.

It seems to me that you don't think you can find another man. Or even want to try. You mentioned your daughter, and what you would tell her. You need to be strong for her, but most importantly, for yourself.

Right now, he has crucified yourself esteem. Have you always thought so little of yourself as to allow this behavior? I doubt it. Pick yourself up and carry on. Good luck to you.

[zippit]

Well I read it but the pink in the post made my eyes bleed
Mary I don't really see the need for the new posting your other one was dealing with the same topic basically
It gets confusing when you post multiple times on the same subject

[zippit]

Let's
My wife gained weight after our first son seven years ago. She kept it on and gained more with our second son four years ago. She is just now getting to losing some of the weight. Not ONCE have I said a negative thing.

?

I'm just throwing this out there but to me no one is going to put up with all that she has put up with and be totally innocent themselves
MARY has given a one sided view to this story and your advise great as it sounds in reality does not fit this situation,you have NEVER said harmful things to your wife and I assume SHE has never said harmful things to you.well I think mary and EXCONVICT don't have that level of a relationship and I would suspect they fight like cats and dogs and are BOTH guilty of wrongdoing.
That's how I see it.

[J_9]

well i read it but the pink in the post made my eyes bleed
Mary i dont really see the need for the new posting your other one was dealing with the same topic basically
it gets confusing when you post multiple times on the same subject

I edited the pink to the original font... black. It was too harsh on the eyes.

[none12345]

I am pregnant right now. I have a one and a 1/2 year old with him also. I gained weight in my last pregnacy and didn't focus on losing it after. Only because I went through a hard time and being depressed the past year I didn't care much about my image. He recently expressed to me that he feels I have gained alot of weight and he'd like me to look how I did when we met.

Now I do know how to lose weight and get in shape. I know how to do cardio workouts and how to watch what I eat.

His cheating hasn't helped. Made me feel ugly and got me more depressed than I already was. I use to dress nice and fix my hair, and put on a little make up and he never paid attention to me so I stopped and then I slowly gained more weight and just let myself go. I have told him that after i have this baby I plan to work out and get my shape back. Not really for him but more for myself. So I can like who I see and feel healthy.

I'd like to know from a mans point of view; why would someone cheat on someone he loves and doesn't want to lose. Why do they think thay can have it both ways. Do they not consider how it may affect their g/f. Yes, the change in appearance isn't good. But instead of complain about it, maybe he should help her with what she is going through in her life instead of add to it. And he knows what he has. It's why he was drawn to her. My man knows that once this weight is gone and I'm back to my old self, what he has. He knows how men hit on me daily and how I can have someone better. Honestly, I have seen the woman on his myspace and the one he cheated with and I topped them all in looks. At the moment I am overweight but I''m not hideous. So I don't understand it because he is not in shape himself. He gained weight and I have had men more handsome than him. But I love him so I dont even desire to be with another man.

SO what is the big deal? Does an orgasm or a few of them really mean that much to a man. Ya I hear the who thing about how we are just human and sexual beings and we may slip at times. To me it's just B.S. Not true because guess what? I love sex. And I look at men that look hot. But do I want to have sex with them. Hell no. I have a man at home and just because he doesn't have a 6pack doesn't mean I will go out and have sex with one that does. And is it hard for me to tell a good looking man that i am in a relationship? No it isn't. So here I am waiting to have this baby. I have already began watching how much and what I eat. I wonder if my man will be one of those that doesn't realize what he has until it's gone. Is he gonna see me and wish he would have loved me just a little more... And tell me how good I look, but I wont be his? That would be kind of sad for him.

For our children too. One day she will be a teenager and ask why did her mom leave or why did her dad cheat. And what do we say. The truth? "Daddy cheated because mommy got fat and he couldn't be patient and wait for her to lose it". What will she think of her hero then? Daddy didn't love mommy? Or do we lie to the one who we want to trust us the most. Are there men out there that care more for their families more than a piece of a** or a pair of double d's?

BTW I know women do the same thing. but in my case it's a man.

This is what you get when you have children before marriage. A boyfriend unwilling to take responsibility and unwilling to commit to you.

[talaniman]

After reading all your threads, its very clear that you have to many issues with this fellow, and no way to resolve them.

I strongly advise you to stop allowing his bad behavior, and if you can't do that through a willingness to work together, through honest communications, to resolve your issues together, somebody has to go.

Sorry, but you will have to make a decision as to the course of action that works best for you. My vote is to talk first, and dump him, if there are no healthy changes in this relationship.

No communications = no relationship. That means putting it all on the table, and expressing your displeasure.

[jmjoseph]

I didnt mean to put words in your mouth or take up for him,what i meant was i would like to see IF there could be more done to salvage a relationship where KIDS are involved when we have only heard one side.it does not sopund like hes refusing counseling,refusing to change
the part that doesnt fit is you are comparing your relationship and how you treat your wife to this relationship

She wanted a man's point of view, and I used my relationship as an example of how loving couples act and react. My marriage is far from perfect, but we work through our problems and don't go out and find solace in the arms of others, blaming the other for driving us to it. If this guy( I will NOT call him a man)loved her, his mate, and mother of his children, he would not say ugly things to her, or cheat on her.

She is in pain, and yes, we don't know his side of the story(as usual), he is admittedly cheating on her. Obviously with total disregard for her being pregnant once again. Even though this relationship is full of problems, and I'm sure she, like most of us, has her own bag of rocks to carry, HE is breaking the rules by sleeping with other women.
This is not a marriage. Counseling would be my suggestion if it was. But my opinion is this: do not get further involved with someone like him. It will most likely get worse before it gets better.

[amicon]

Have to spread my rep. I agree with you.thats a loving relationship.

[cheeseismee]

Confront him and tell him no pron in your house. Is he cheating. No. Is porn wrong. (adult porn) No. Are you aware that the top selling pron behind gay male is pregnant female.. You heard me right sister. Many a people think pregnant women are the hottest things ever. So remember. It is just pictures take a breath, men are visual. YOu have tons of hormones. And that will effect you dramaticaly. So Tell him porn is a no no because of... That is a valid statement. Tell him because you don't have your kids because of porn and abuse you can't deal with it around your other kids.

[jmjoseph]

Confront him and tell him no pron in your house. Is he cheating. No. Is porn wrong. (adult porn) No. Are you aware that the top selling pron behind gay male is pregnant female.. You heard me right sister. Many a people think pregnant women are the hottest things ever. So remember. It is just pictures take a breath, men are visual. YOu have tons of hormones. And that will effect you dramaticaly. So Tell him porn is a no no because of ..... That is a valid statement. Tell him because you don't have your kids becuase of porn and abuse you can't deal with it around your other kids.

The OP is NOT your sister. How do I know? Because "brothers" don't talk to their sisters that way. And will you post your sources of the porn sales? Where exactly did you get that number? I think I know, the same place you got the hormone remark. People come here for help, not false statements. Porn is not "just pictures", they have kiddie porn. Is that just pictures too? Are you a doctor? You seem to know how pregnant women feel and think. How do you know this guy isn't cheating? Are you him?

[mary79]

This is what you get when you have children before marriage. A boyfriend unwilling to take responsibility and unwilling to commit to you.

Whoa now. Maybe a few years back I would have argued with your cold and blunt statement. But being where I am and hearing the things my mother has advised and told me I do totally agree with you. Would've been nice being raised right but oh well that's another story. A pastor once told me that if you are not married then the man is not obligated to a damn thing like being faithful or providing, etc. ( I guess the things a husband is committed to doing )

[sully123]

I am confused, where is your other three children, they are gone. YOU don't have them! And your having more kids, and not married. He should be the least of your worries, is your kids from the past that would bother me more, as a mom.

[mary79]

Right now, he has crucified your self esteem. Have you always thought so little of yourself as to allow this behavior? I doubt it. Pick yourself up and carry on. Good luck to you.

Honestly I can say I have grown to love him and the baby, but I have forgotten how to love myself. This is something I will work on because I know I need it to teach my babies to love themselves. (I need to love myself again)

[sully123]

I am sorry, but I have no sympathy on this one. That is a total of 5 kids. You lost the first three to child pornography, and you are on number 2 with this man now. I would clean up my act and worry about getting my kids back, insteaD OF concentrating on a man and yourself.

[mary79]

im just throwing this out there but to me no one is going to put up with all that she has put up with and be totally innocent themselves
MARY has given a one sided view to this story and your advise great as it sounds in reality does not fit this situation,you have NEVER said harmful things to your wife and I assume SHE has never said harmful things to you.well i think mary and EXCONVICT dont have that level of a relationship and i would suspect they fight like cats and dogs and are BOTH guilty of wrongdoing.
thats how i see it.

I can say I am guilty of calling him a drunk when we argue and all kinds of names when he does not come home. And I am guilty of not cooking for him when he has called me names. But at the moment things are not bad as they were. We don't really fight. And spend more time together and have talked about it. (the phone thing and the porn)

No I am not innocent.