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Papa24 · Aug 22, 2009, 03:18 PM

I've been in a Christian relationship for 12 months, and my girlfriend has made it clear she's not ready for marriage. She says she loves me so much and it has nothing to do with me. I would like to move forward with the marriage/wedding process. When she says, "she loves me, but she's not ready for marriage," it's very difficult for me to take it as something other than her not loving me enough. It's important to mention from the get-go, this was never dating, but a Christian relationship with purity. I'm frustrated and talking about it with her just goes nowhere, and she says she feels pressure.

Wondergirl · Aug 22, 2009, 03:24 PM

1. How old are the two of you?
2. At what level of education are each of you?
3. Why do YOU think she does not feel ready for marriage?
4. What does this mean? "this was never dating, but a Christian relationship with purity "

zippit · Aug 22, 2009, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by Papa24

," it's very difficult for me to take it as something other than her not loving me enough.
.

Its very easy
She does not see YOU as a marriage propect and is trying to be nice
Move on stop being so hardheaded

Papa24 · Aug 22, 2009, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

1. How old are the two of you?
2. At what level of education are each of you?
3. Why do YOU think she does not feel ready for marriage?
4. What does this mean? "this was never dating, but a Christian relationship with purity "

1. I'm 31, she's 24.
2. Both have Masters in Education
3. because it's reality, not a distant ideal now; marriage comes with sacrifices on freedom; divorce is something that she NEVER wants and if marriage goes bad...
4. we didn't get into the relationship seeing how things would go, but rather with marriage as a goal

Wondergirl · Aug 22, 2009, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by Papa24

1. I'm 31, she's 24.
2. Both have Masters in Education
3. because it's reality, not a distant ideal now; marriage comes with sacrifices on freedom; divorce is something that she NEVER wants and if marriage goes bad...
4. we didn't get into the relationship seeing how things would go, but rather with marriage as a goal

So have the two of you gone on dates? Have you gotten to know each other's likes and dislikes regarding movies and books and food and laundry detergents and pets to own and cars to buy?

What relationship do you have? Are you still strangers? Friends? Boyfriend-girlfriend?

Papa24 · Aug 22, 2009, 10:43 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So have the two of you gone on dates? Have you gotten to know each other's likes and dislikes regarding movies and books and food and laundry detergents and pets to own and cars to buy?

What relationship do you have? Are you still strangers? Friends? Boyfriend-girlfriend?

Hello,

Yeah, we hang out all the time-- serious, committed boyfriend/girlfriend. What I mean by Christian relationship is no sex. We're Christian missionaries presently teaching internationally, so in one year our contract is up.

Thank you

Wondergirl · Aug 22, 2009, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by Papa24

Hello,

Yeah, we hang out all the time-- serious, committed boyfriend/girlfriend. What I mean by Christian relationship is no sex. We're Christian missionaries presently teaching internationally, so in one year our contract is up.

Thank you

Let up on the pressure and marriage talk then. You are both in an unstable part of your lives -- in a foreign country, away from home and the familiar, away from friends and family. Finish out your contracts and see where things go once you return to your home bases. Why are you in such a hurry?

zippit · Aug 23, 2009, 05:16 AM

I go back to what I said
I think if she wanted you as her husband she would be more committed you need to talk to her and invite her to be open and that you can handle whatever her feelings are
Somewhere along the line she has changed her mind

talaniman · Aug 23, 2009, 09:50 AM

The contract may be up, but she isn't ready for what you want. Just asking why you cannot back off, and stop pressuring her?

A year is simply not enough time for her to decide this very important step, so either give her an extension on that contract, or end the contract.

What's the all fired hurry to get married after a year? Is that written in stone, or what?

CanIBuyAClue · Aug 23, 2009, 10:29 AM

A little after a year of being bf/gf my ex started asking me if I had thought about marriage for us, and I told her in the short term I had not. I told her that I did not see myself with anybody else ever, and down the road yes I did but did not have a timeframe (not longer than 2 years). As a previous poster said, he thought that this perhaps meant I didn't see her as a marriage prospect, because I did see her as a marriage prospect, but not at this point in time. She was still in school for at least 2 or more years, while I had my bachelor's degree and a year and a half into a career. We were not ready financially. Plus I didn't think 1 year of dating (even if we were unseperable most of the time) was enough to get married. So, basically after I talked to her about this she dumped me about 3 weeks after her saying she wanted to marry me because she saw us as having different roads / goals / I wasn't committed to her as she was to me... yeah, women... go figure. That's what I get for trying to be the responsible one and set us up for success lol. (We officially broke up over 3 months ago, were off and on again for 2 months with her acting like my GF again after 2 months, then doing a 180 and saying we can't be friends, hang out, etc... I've been in NC for 1 month).

zippit · Aug 23, 2009, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue

A little after a year of being bf/gf my ex started asking me if I had thought about marriage for us, and I told her in the short term I had not.
).

Can
There is different advise for each scenario,don't forget about the christian aspect of this post.when you are dating from a cristian viewpoint you'r saving yourself for marriage
And marriage is the assumed purpose of the dating
Way different than a couple living together having sex and waiting for the money to get right before they get married I'm not saying that was you I'm saying that why I said what I did

CanIBuyAClue · Aug 23, 2009, 01:13 PM

Zippit, that's true. I definitely don't claim to know what's going on in her head. My ex was raised christian, and I'm a christian but was not raised in that kind of household. But religious issues seem to divide us (and religious zealot parents on her side lol). I just wanted to put out there that not everybody who says that they're not ready for marriage with that person doesn't mean they don't want to marry them... eventually, when other factors are right. I as a Christian am still not going to marry my girlfriend if I can't financially support her.