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jay1988 · Aug 13, 2009, 09:32 AM

Okay, I dated my girlfriend for a year and three months. We just recently broke up in June. The break up was pretty bad, a lot of crying and pleading. She broke up with me because she said I needed to grow up. We moved in with each other about 9 months into the relationship things were going great. But I think she felt like she was carrying the both of us the entire relationship. There is a age difference mind you, I am 21 and she is 26. She just started dating someone less then a month after our break up. I really don't know what I should do. I realize I have growing up to do and I am doing my best to make myself a better person, not for her entirely but for myself as well. I still love her soooo much and want to give our relationship another shot but under different and less complicated circumstances. I don't think we should have moved in together so soon and it was more out of need, then want. I went against my better judgement, but she insisted on cohabitation. She is now asking me for a friendship and says that she wouldn't mind giving us another chance if she wasn't dating someone else and if I have my life together more. Now, I know it would be silly to wait for her and I have been trying to go on with my life. I can't sit back and wait for her and watch as she dates this new person that she says she "Loves". I have written her a final letter stating that I need some time to grow and get myself together, so I am putting no contact into play. I have deleted her numbers from my phone and packed away anything of sentimental value. I don't know what I am exactly asking advice for but I need some really badly at this moment.

amicon · Aug 13, 2009, 09:43 AM

Congratulations on starting NC, make sure you stick to it.there is an age difference however you come across as being more mature than your ex.she s dating someone else? Ok-try to get on with YOUR life.are you sure you want her back or are you still in that state of missing the good things and forgetting about the bad?if a person puts conditions on love and I think she s doing just that its NOT love.

talaniman · Aug 13, 2009, 11:10 AM

You don't need advice, as your already doing the right things for yourself already. I think its her that needs to get it together, more than you do. I wouldn't wait though, and forget the friendship stuff for now. You will have better options, and more opportunities, ahead of you.

I wish · Aug 13, 2009, 11:29 AM

There are far too many obstacles for you to be happy with her. I think that you are making the right choice by keeping her out of your life, so that she cannot confuse you anymore. I say confused, because she has a boyfriend, yet she's telling you that she's still open to another chance. But now she has a safety net. If it doesn't work out with one guy, she'll try it out with the other guy. Don't let her lead on you like that anymore.

Keep up the no contact. With time apart, your feelings for her will disappate and you will have moved on with your life. You had your good times with her and now that's all in the past. It's time to move forward. There are definitely more opportunities ahead of you.

jay1988 · Aug 14, 2009, 06:09 PM

Thanks for the advice I think you guys are right on the money with me moving on!! :)

N0help4u · Aug 14, 2009, 06:53 PM

I agree with the others. Why put yourself through being friends. She has someone and you need to get on with your life and yourself improvement. Tell her that if and when she ever breaks up feel free to contact you but for right now you don't see the point.

jay1988 · Aug 19, 2009, 08:22 PM

Threads merged.

I am just wondering, hypothetically, if you guys had an ex that you just got dumped by and then almost a month later they began dating someone who is leaving for the military in less then a month and they are now committed to the person and wearing a promise ring this person bought for them. What would you guys think? This is currently the situation going on in my life. I just think it's a bit crazy since when we were dating I mentioned that I might want to go into the military and she flipped out and told me, how much she didn't want me to make that decision and said she would never date someone in the armed forces. Can anyone explain this to me.

N0help4u · Aug 19, 2009, 08:56 PM

They say it is a woman's peragative to change her mind.
Maybe there was something special about him that she made the exception and with you she figured you weren't in the military so she wanted to stop you from that decision.

She made her decision for whatever reason and she has to live with it nothing you can do or say now

friend4u178 · Aug 19, 2009, 09:06 PM

She's your Ex , why waste your energy worrying about her business.

What she said before makes no difference now as she's obviously changed her mind.

kctiger · Aug 20, 2009, 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

She's your Ex , why waste your energy worrying about her business.

What she said before makes no difference now as she's obviously changed her mind.

Had to spread the rep, but exactly.

What's the point in caring? Sure a little piece of you wonders, but that shouldn't disrupt your thought process.

talaniman · Aug 20, 2009, 06:37 AM

Why does she accept him doing things that she didn't want you to do??

Only she knows. All the opinions in the world may not get you the truth. But the constant universal truth is a woman has a right to change her mind, just ask them.