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Macamatics · Aug 19, 2009, 09:45 PM

I dated Stan for 6 months. We had plans on getting married, I think. He promised that we would be able to get through anything but when the honeymoon period was over, he just started going to the club. During this time, his mother was dying in the hospital so I just let him do what he wanted. It hurt me so much. He would get angry with me for little things or for no reason at all, call me a "whore", make up lies about where he was, spend all his time in the clubs and then accuse me of not being supportive when in reality, he did not let me be there for him. Recently, he moved to Baltimore, found this new girl and fell in love with her in only 2 months. He tells me they're getting married. He said that she does not want him to talk to me but he does anyway because he cares about me even thought they're getting married... What? The heartache, betrayal and rejection has really affected me and I just cannot feel anything anymore. I'm so depressed. Even though we had serious plans for the future, he said that I should have gotten over this a long time ago like it was nothing... What? He told me one time that he was emotionless and insensitive. This heartless monster wants me to downgrade to friendship status, while I watch him create a life with another woman. That's inhuman. Why in God's good name do I keep blaming myself for this? Why do I beat myself up everyday? Why do I think that she's better than me and he's a better man for her or she's more worth loving than me? I was an awesome girlfriend. He even said so. I hate him and I just want to go on with my life and pretend like he's dead. I don't want to still be in this pain. He seemed like the perfect gentlemen. What did I miss? Why do I want him to come back? How did he just fall in love so soon like I never existed? How can I move on? I hate to love this man and I'm ashamed and angry at myself for that. :(

Macamatics · Aug 19, 2009, 09:46 PM

Move on! You're an idiot!
Just kidding... ok help. Please.

N0help4u · Aug 19, 2009, 09:53 PM

He would get angry with me for little things or for no reason at all,
Call me a "whore",
Make up lies about where he was,
Spend all his time in the clubs and then accuse me of not being supportive when in reality, he did not let me be there for him

ALL RED FLAGS

Downgrade to friendship status??
Sounds more like an upgrade
Next upgrade is hanging up the phone on him.

Why do you even want to hear his voice?

He calls you because he thinks he is doing YOU a favor therefore patting himself on the back for being such a great guy. Don't feed his ego.

He says he can get through anything but now you know what he means by getting through everything... it isn't a pretty story is it?

Sure he may have loved you in his own dysfunctional sense of the word but could you really live with that?

I don't think so. He may come crying/crawling back to you when she sees what a jerk he is but don't fall for it. He very likely could be calling you to keep you as option plan B if things do fall apart with him.

paxe · Aug 19, 2009, 11:29 PM

You're being used, and there is nothing wrong with you but everything is wrong with him. Some guys are stupid, most of us aren't. Unfortunately you feel on a stupid one. As hard as it may be go No Contact and let him be. He is making a stupid error and he will regret but you will not be there to see it. He may want to come back but you shouldn't want him back. He treated you badly and nobody deserves that.

amicon · Aug 20, 2009, 01:39 AM

Yes don't ever speak to the so and so again.He has serious issues and you don't need to be part of his sad little life.go NC.Reclaim your life.

Macamatics · Aug 20, 2009, 06:58 PM

Hm. I just wanted to know from the perspective of individuals who are nowhere near familiar with me personally. Thanks for your advice. I know that it's nothing I could have, would have or should have fixed. Thanks! :) feel free to leave additional comments regarding my situation!

Gemini54 · Aug 21, 2009, 01:56 AM

I hate to sound harsh, but this was 6 month relationship. In only 6 months you were already planning to get married and then suddenly the honeymoon period was over. Gee, that happened quickly...

Now he's moved on and got some other sucker convinced he's going to marry her (and it's only been 2 months).

Can't you see the pattern here? Too much too soon. He uses and moves on. Women don't exist for him, they are just vessels.

The feelings of heartache, betrayal and depression are now your responsibility to deal with. You know you were suckered and that's why you're feeling bad. Learn from this.

Next time take it slowly and don't be so needy - you need a guy like him again like you need a hole in the head.

Macamatics · Aug 21, 2009, 06:37 AM

It's not as if I go around just wanting to marry every guy. Oh no. I just made a mistake thinking that this was a special situation because of many things. I suppose that since his mother was dying, I let him manipulate me into many things out of feeling sorry for him! I truly do not feel like a needy woman at all, though. All of my relationships have been great, and have produced lasting friendships. I'm a successful and internally happy individual. I suppose that's why this threw me a little. But thank you very much for your perspective. I see exactly what you mean.

talaniman · Aug 21, 2009, 07:29 AM

You ran into jerk who uses and leaves for his next victim, a set back to what seems to be a great life. It happens, to us all, but I think you can move beyond this experience by keep him out of your life, and not repeating the same mistake again.

In other words, learn from this experience, and keep following your own happy path.

Macamatics · Aug 28, 2009, 06:24 PM

I see.

jmjoseph · Aug 28, 2009, 06:34 PM

This is not your fault. Remember you said it he's a "heartless monster". Why do you want THAT back? I know it's hard to believe me now, but in no time you will meet someone nice, and normal, and be SO over him. You'll say" wow, what a waste of time THAT was ". I wish you the best . He's met someone else, let HER deal with him now. I hope they are both miserable with each other. The world is full of good guys, now go find yourself one. Next time take it a little slower, and get to know him a little better. Good guys don't call their girlfriend a whore.

azdesertchick · Aug 28, 2009, 06:48 PM

So really what it sounds like is you already know all the answers to your questions and you also know you are not to blame for his cold hearted actions and words. I think all you needed was to vent and get affirmation and support in that it's OK to tell this guy " you're right...you are a heartless monster and a selfish arrogant prick if you honestly think I want to remain friends with you after I supported you and took your crap for so long ". Soooo.. ok lol it's OK let him know exactly how you feel and then hang up the phone and don't ever speak to him again, that is unless you like to be miserable which I doubt. Good luck in the future hun I hope you find someone who truly deserves you and don't accept anything less! :)