[caligirl2044]

I guess I will start with a little background first... me and my ex had met 9 years ago. We were both young and he was in the military (still active duty). We dated for over a year (6months of that long distanance I had to travel for work) when we broke up (he broke up w/me). He said he wasn't ready for something serious (I am 5 years older then him). Fast forward 5 years later... I had always sent his family cards for holidays and his mom sent me an email saying that he was single and now living about 1000 miles away from me and gave me his number. I truly never got over this relationship and always compared everyone to him. I always felt that he was the "one". He flew to see me within 5 days of talking again and the trip was good but it seemed like we where still not in the same place. He had just gotten back from Iraq 6 months earlier so he didn't show a lot of emotion. He flew back home and when he got there and we spoke on the phone I felt the shift in his attitude towards me he was distant. After a lot of prying I got it out of him that he had flew home and had meet someone in the few days he was back. Needless to say I lost it. I swore at that moment I would never put myself in that position again and truly had nothing to do with him until 3 years later he contacted me and asked to talk that was 3months ago. In the 3 years since we had last seen each other he is now a dad to a 2 1/2 yr old (by the girl he had met after me she got pregnant right away and things didn't work out). We spoke on the phone for hours and he wanted to pay for me to fly to see him we are still 1000 miles away from one another. I agreed and said I would visit I told him I would not come for 3 weeks I wasn't going to rush back into that. So I flew over there and we got along great. I felt like he was the man I always knew he could be. He was doing everything to make me happy things he would have never done 9 years earlier. We agreed that we were back together and that we were going to see how things worked out. We had the talk about the fact that eventually I would have to move there since he is still in the military and has a son there. Before I left we had planned our next visit and this time he was flying to me with his son. We had the best time in fact the best 2 weeks I have had. I adore his son and he seemed to have bonded with me. We were happy.. even talking about when we would have kids. His job is very stressful and demanding and he had to loss weight so he has dropped 85lbs since may. So when he is grouchy and doesn't call he explains that he had a bad day and didn't want to take it out on me. Which I appreciate! I came back to work (6 weeks ago) and everyone was sure I was quitting and moving to be with him... HUGE MISTAKE I called him crying and told him they were already asking people if they wanted the promotion to fill my job (at job 5 yrs). He said nothing has been decided and we were taking things slow this time as to not mess them up and know one needs to know our business... thats when everything went down hill. He stopped calling as much which he said was due to work... he went back to 7 days a week and is stressed. I acepted it and tried to be cool about it. Then I made the fatal mistake about asking when I could come visit and he keep putting me off saying he was going to have to work and he would try to take leave for me to visit this went on for 5 weeks. Oh and in between all this my birthday came and gone with just a text saying happy birthday and that he would call that night. He never called I was very upset about that but he was at a confence for work staying over night it was a 3 day thing during this time so I accepted that he was busy. We finally got to speak a few days later and he said he had been super busy. Ok then the next night came and I called him to see if I could book my flight yet since I needed to clear it with work. He was on his way out for the night which he hasn't done but one of his friend were in town... he said he could not talk because he had been drinking and didn't want to say anything wrong. He texted me later that night saying that I would be visiting soon. He never called the next day and I didn't get to talk to him until the day after that everything was good didn't mention the visiting thing told him I needed him to call more that he hurt my feeling so he said he knew he wasn't being a good boyfriend lately and would try harder. He said he would call me the next night and he did. Everything was fine at first he was getting ready for bed and I dropped the bomb again when can I visit? Well it didn't go the way I wanted it to... I said what's the point in having a long distance relationship if we were never going to see each other why be together at all. Next he said the break up word. I explained to him that he had to be 100% sure because once that happens I am done forever. He asked me to give him time so he can sit down and think about everything with a clear mind. He said he had been so stressed with work and weight that he didn't have time to deal with the stress of me visiting because he would have to work the whole time. Well I have to say at first I was like hell no not again! But after he explained about the stress I asked what does it mean he said we are broke up and he needs to think about it. So I asked what does that mean do we date other people... he got mad and said do whatever you need to do. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no he would have told me that. He just needs time to think so I agreed and added that I needed to think about what I wanted. So that was last Monday... I emailed him wed and said I was going to give him time not doing anything to harm us and sorry for pushing the visit. I had made a scrapbook of our vacation with his son so I said I was mailing it. He responded quickly 3 minutes and said thanks for understanding. So I have totally backed off no phone calls no emails no text nothing since. I want to be with him I think things just started going to fast and he got scared. I just don't know what to do. Help!

[amicon]

He is doing to you exactly what he s done before over the years-he s letting you down,letting you do all the work-expecting you to shape your own life according to his whim of the moment.no matter how heartbreaking -leave him.dont contact him -get your OWN life back.

[happybubble]

Hunny, as hard as it is to hear, he is controlling your life... I know its hard (having a long distance boyfriend myself) but you need to back down and start to enjoy your own life more... you have to wait to hear from him, he will tell you when he is ready... it is going to be hard and there are going to be those days where you just wish he was there, but you need to stay strong and wait for him to reach out, he will when he is ready, but in the mean time live your own life, never let a boyfriend rule your own life... concentrate on you before him, every once in a while YOU come first!