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jhenderson_90 · Aug 15, 2009, 11:57 PM

Wow guys, guess what. She just called. And kept calling, and calling, at least 20 times, I answered the 10th time and said "dont you have a new boyfriend to talk to? bye (name)" *dont want to say her name*, but yea, then she kept calling, and left a couple voice mails crying

"i see how it is, i guess you dont love me anymore.... bye polar bear" and she was crying.

So next time she called I said "its funny how you say that when your the one in a new relationship. goodbye (name), i wish you best of luck, you should go call him"

And before hanging up I heard her say "no wait, please..." and she hasn't tried calling yet. Probably because I turned my phone off.

But I don't know if I did the right thing or not? I wasn't being a head, I honestly wasn't... was I?

How did I handle this? She is at her grandmas house at the beach where we stayed for 4 days on a vacation, we slept in that room together, there is a pic of us in there... its really nice.. that's probably why she missses me, the memories of the beach

amicon · Aug 16, 2009, 12:57 AM

Leave your phone switched off. Don't have any contact with her. She s messing you about.do this for you no one else.

jhenderson_90 · Aug 16, 2009, 01:31 AM

I don't get her motive. I turned my phone off yes and now its back on. No signs of any missed calls...

Guess she stopped after 3 or so tries after I hung up, but I don't get it...

Why is she doing this? She has a new boyfriend, she asked how I found out, I tell her, listen, I don't want to be a , I'm proud for you, congrats, you moved on and I'm happy your happy finally, but your at the beach, talk to your new boyfriend on the phone okay" and I hung up. But all she kept saying was she misses me, and that 'i get it, you don't love me anymore'..

Why would it bother her if I loved her or not if she has a new boyfriend? I didn't send her any signs I care about her tonight, I made sure of that. I don't know what its going to do to her but ugh... she confused me tonight.

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 05:04 AM

Don't try to figure a motive.
Even someone that breaks up with you will still have a pang of loss and hurting and then they try to call to ease it with no intention of getting back together. They do it for THEM not you and not the relationship. Just for them and easing their hurt.

talaniman · Aug 16, 2009, 05:39 AM

This was about her ego, not you. Make no mistake, if you hadn't done, and said what you did, she would have been perfectly willing to lead you down a path of blind bliss, and false hope.

The objective would be to keep you close, while she has her fun, and you can't move on with your life. She is checking to see if the new guy is going anywhere, and if it doesn't, guess who gets to be her emotional tampon?? That's right, YOU!!

Wish I could shake your hand for standing up for yourself so well, and rejecting her BS. That's what being a man is about, standing for what you believe in, and not letting any one bring you down. Thats the way to maintain your dignity, and self respect. Well done, my MAN!!!

amicon · Aug 16, 2009, 05:54 AM

Yes you re doing well.all my respect.

sweet1028 · Aug 16, 2009, 08:23 AM

She wonders if you are single, because she thinks that any of her future relationships don't go right she will still have you to turn to. She knows that if you find someone else she won't have someone to comfort her.

She's still too young to want to commit to a relationship in the way that you want to. Why put your life on hold, when she has moved on? I wouldn't wait around wondering if she is going to come back to you if this relationship is not what she wants after all. You need to move on, even though it seems hard right now, and find someone who makes you happy and is happy to be with you as well.

Life is too short to wait around on someone who is using you as her backup and also her support of money.

jhenderson_90 · Aug 16, 2009, 10:10 AM

I just woke up this morning and feel okay about what I did. I wish I can put her voicemails onto the computer... so you can hear them.

In one of them she was all crying saying "ugh, jason i just dont see how we can't be.. like.... friends or talk..." then she stopped, and I thinkkkkk she was thinking that she is the one who is initiating all the talking since she has a new number and blocked it. So there is no way I can be friends or talk to her when she did all that stuff to me.

I really was being a nice guy though, didn't want her to seem like she was getting to me, so I was just like 'listen, go call your new boyfriend, congrats on moving on, maybe I can now learn from you' or something, haha I forgot what I said but yea. I'm pretty proud of myself to.

I bet a million bucks she won't call until Wednesday or something, she always does that. Calls me, then ignores me. But this time I got her hopes down, she was really upset I wasn't giving in to talk to her.

jhenderson_90 · Aug 19, 2009, 12:09 AM

...

There is more to life than break ups guys.

My mom is dying.
She attempted suicide and now her liver is failing.

She doesn't have long...
I love her so much. And I feel so alone but my family is holding each other up...

Whatever we go through in relationships and horrible girlfriends, fails in comparison to losing your mom when she is a grandma, a mother to 3 grown adult kids, a wife, a sister,.

jhenderson_90 · Aug 19, 2009, 12:11 AM

Please pray for my mom guys please... I'm scared to lose her

:'(

amicon · Aug 19, 2009, 01:06 AM

All my heart felt sympathies to you and your family.no words can describe the way this must be affecting you all.you re in my prayers .

zippit · Aug 19, 2009, 03:32 AM

J two things for you
I read your entire post congrats on dealing with this girl but if you talk to her in the future I wouldn't bring up "you have a boyfriend" for one you don't know how that's going and two it validats her and makes you sound needy
Next...
I would like to invite you to open a NEW post regarding your situation with your mother
I think it would be good for you
Take care

eduman12 · Aug 19, 2009, 03:41 AM

Dude, I had a relationship similar to this one and it was not all the girls fault, but I was young and she cheated so much that one day I decided as long as we were together she could kiss a few dudes. How stupid I was. If she loved you then she would not always want something else. In around about way she is telling you that you are below her and you are putting up with it. I do not care if you look like the elephant man. It has been a year, pick up what dignity you have a move on. It will hurt, but you will respect yourself more and be able to trust the next girl some. Oh yea, she is lying, she is more than likely banging all these dudes, she likes the attention she gets frm them and to keep getting it she has tpo be doing something.

sweet1028 · Aug 19, 2009, 04:57 AM

So sorry to hear about your mom on top of all your other hardships. You need to be with your family at this time and that's where your main focus should be. If this girl has a heart at all and finds out what's going on in your life she will butt out and let you be. She doesn't need to be putting her nose in it and making things more stressful than they already are. The things you told her on the phone were great but don't answer it no more. That should be your last conversation with her, that was the ending point of all contact whatsoever. Maybe now she will get the point that she can't just use people when she feels like it and ditch them when something else comes along.

I would re-post about your situation with your mom, there is a lot of people on here that can help you through this. Although we can give you words of advice the only person who can deal with these things is you and how you handle things is all on yourself.

Hope your life turns around soon and puts you back on top of the mountain instead of down in the valley. Because the way I look at things life has its downfalls going down the mountain and then there's a valley of troubles and there will be another mountain to climb. I hope how soon that mountain is in front of you and things start looking up.

normaaaannn · Sep 6, 2009, 01:33 AM

Well I kind of feel that you should start going out with other girls keep her out of your mind and enjoy maybe she has taken you for granted... I know that this sounds something gross but trust me if she likes you then she may come but I think that she is very confused about whom she likes she is not at all clear about what she is doing!

jhenderson_90 · Sep 11, 2009, 05:43 PM

Ill update everyone with my story:
My mom came within hours of dying.
But she made it.

Her liver enzyme levels finally came back up and she is now at home on medication. She is doing well and I'm happy I'm now out of that situation.

As for my ex:

About a week and a half ago, she kept calling me every night, we would talk as friends, she would flirt saying she misses the sex and what not... but then we talked on night and I told her 'i don't want to be just friends, that's what you want to be, you have a new boyfriend now, and I cannot take that, it hurts to bad, I'm NOT your friend'

She got defensive at first asking why can't we be friends, 'couples always stay friends after breaking up' she said.. she also said 'people now adays are always dating new people its just life' I told her she is wrong and not everyone does that now adays...

Basically I told her: 'listen, just tell me you don't love me anymore'

-'no I can't do that! You know I can't say that'

So I kept pressuring her to say it, 'well you have a new boyfriend, why should it matter?'

'ugh fine okay I don't love you anymore'

And then I said 'okay bye' and hung up. Last time I talked to her... it hurt, bad.

I've cried myself to sleep many nights since then. But her cousin by marriage, and my friends ex girlfriend, has feelings for me, so we are talking and taking it slow...

But I don't have feelings for that new girl, I'm still not over my ex.
I really, REALLY want her back.

I know everyone says forget about her she is horrible, but I want her to come back. I did nothing wrong, never cheated. Yes I would yell sometimes, or be to clingy and jealous but she did cheat on me so I had reasons to do so.

I was her first love. We had many memories together. How can I get her to talk to me, or miss me? Just ignoring her and waiting for her to contact me again?

Jake2008 · Sep 11, 2009, 08:44 PM

You may never get over her in a way. 30 years from now you will still find yourself thinking about her now and then, wondering 'what if'. But, you have standards and a good mindset on the 'friend' thing, and you've done the right thing too by how you have responded to her.

People are not simply disposable, and love is not enough.

I still now and then, after 33 years of marriage, think of what life would have been like had I given a cheating boyfriend a second chance. Would I have made it with a boyfriend who may or may not have been able to kick a drug habit. Would a selfish, self-centered boyfriend learn how to show love?

It's really when you don't have that partner anymore, at least for me, that you realize, that it was the right thing to do to move on. Time has a way of softening the good parts of those relationships into memory, but just under the surface are the very good reasons you had to move on from them.

Some things were just never meant to be.

ohsohappy · Sep 11, 2009, 08:55 PM

You're young and have the rest of your life to find a girl that loves, respects, and appreciates you. Move on. She only cares for herself.

zippit · Sep 11, 2009, 11:27 PM

She knows she's a "playa" and her relationship with this new beau is fragile and could go away any miniute she likes to keep doors open she wants you as a 2nd but your to smart for that and deserve way better so keep it up,and that was good news about your mom hope her progress continues.

jhenderson_90 · Sep 12, 2009, 10:32 AM

Are most stories true that if you 'ignore' the ex, and not talk to her she will eventually come around and talk to you?

I still consider it super hard to even think about being her friend if that's all she wants. I was the best boyfriend ever to her, I went to a party last night for the first time since graduating high school in '08. There were 4 girls asking about me and my girlfriend, I told them we broke up and they were like 'no way! You were the best boyfriend ever I heard the things you did!'

I just am really curious if she will come around and talk to me, perhaps miss me, and maybe we can go out to dinner or something.. or if me ignoring her will only push her away even further