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maverick1989 · Aug 16, 2009, 01:13 AM

Hey people...

After trying everything I went for NO CONTACT for 3 months with my ex girlfriend from 25th may 2009... also I didn't wish her B'day (15 july) because I thought she may think that I still have feelings for her... But guess what... she herself called me in the evening... but as I was following the NC rule... I didn't pick her call...

Now yesterday I got a call from her... and as it was already 3 months I picked up the call and answered Formally... Our mother tongue is HINDI... but v both talked in ENGLISH... so it sounded like I talked with her Formally..

QUESTION 1:M following T W JACKSON's book... he had said that after NC we should talk to ex in friendly and polite tone... but I talked in formal tone... DID I MAKE A MISTAKE?? Though in formal tone I was polite BUT formal...

Also I made the conversation short ( just 2 minutes 30 sec) as per all the guide say...

Then she texted me this : "ya thanx for ur 3 mins... u r actually showin me my position in ur life .. but i know it ... all d best for xams ... take cr.. gudnite.bye."

What does this means?? I called her back ( tell me is it a mistake but since NC is over I thot I can call ) but again I just asked about the text message she sent... I talked very politely did time... and cut the conversation for 1 min 28 secs...

Please tell me what mistakes I did... Should I have used POLITE ND FRIENDLY tone instead of Formal tone... but I thot it might let her think that I still care a lot for her and lover and all... dats why I chose FORMAL tone... please comment...

maverick1989 · Aug 16, 2009, 03:50 AM

Please reply... she might call again... I have to prepare for it...

zippit · Aug 16, 2009, 03:56 AM

What is YOUR purpose for the NC?
To forget about her and move on with your life?

Or to play games.

amicon · Aug 16, 2009, 04:06 AM

For NC to work properly there should be no contact.what you re doing now is prolonging the misery.

maverick1989 · Aug 16, 2009, 07:23 AM

I want her back... that's y I went for NO contact... now I have ended the NC ( after 3 months) by picking up her call and talked to her for 2-3 minutes. And hung up...

maverick1989 · Aug 16, 2009, 07:25 AM

And I had maintained the STRICT NO CONTACT... but its 3 months now and I felt I'm ready... so I picked her call... now please tell me did I make a mistake by calling her back for her text.. though I talked only about her text and disconnected after 1 min...

amicon · Aug 16, 2009, 07:46 AM

The N C has been broken.neither of you were ready for a friendly discussion.my advice is go back to N C.

s_cianci · Aug 16, 2009, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by maverick1989

i want her back ..... thats y i went for NO contact.... now i have ended the NC ( after 3 months) by picking up her call and talked to her for 2-3 mins. and hung up ....

Well you're missing the whole point. NC is not a tool for getting someone back. Rather, it's a tool for you to heal and to move on with your life. You need to accept that this one is over and NC will help you do that. Now, I can say from personal experience that using NC may on occasion lead to her contacting you. But don't let that give you false hope because it's rarely justified ; when she does contact you it's not very likely because she wants to get back together. So if you must talk to her, do so in a friendly, polite and brief manner. But try to avoid it whenever possible. If she calls, don't answer ; let your voice mail handle it. If she e-mails, don't respond. If she IMs, reply with something quick like "How are you? I've got to go now, ttyl." Then log off. This is not being rude or ignorant but rather simply looking out for yourself and your own well-being.

talaniman · Aug 16, 2009, 11:18 AM

Since your following the e-book, ask the author if it was a mistake or not. Why ask us??

amicon · Aug 16, 2009, 11:44 AM

He s asking us because he s desperatly searching for answers.and some of us are here.

chuff · Aug 16, 2009, 04:10 PM

I understand reading a book for help but at some point you have to make your own rules. The rule of NC is universal for the break up but that rule means you follow it by your terms applied to your situation. This is over. That is obvious by the very fact a 2 minute conversation after 3 months has you confused. I know the emotions can cloud your judgment and thinking but your own personal rule, not from a book, should be healing and emotional health. The NC works for that, but to use it as a hold out misses the point that you are not improving but just staying in time capsule waiting for it to be opened again. It's not getting opened and that's cool, it just means you have to forge further ahead with a clear mind, which is what NC should be giving you.

broken_1 · Aug 26, 2009, 05:13 AM

The OP is of course not over her and is missing the whole concept of NC. If you still have drama or game going on and you or your ex is reacting to it, you have not moved on.

From my perspective, you can do two things
1. If you both are mature adults, stop the drama and bring the relationship to closure and then never contact again.

2. If you like games, and you both are 'addicted' to each other, continue talking to her and keep on doing whatever you do. The only issue is that you both will be unhappy and stressed.. and it will just suck all your energy you could have used to become better or find a more meaningful relationship somewhere else

radix4use · Jun 15, 2012, 04:13 PM

Okay we miss a great point here, and it is if you still care about her? - if you are just calling her to see how you feel, or how you manage that, well then you are already moved on so stop trying, but if you want to call and that is because you still care about her and love her, then do it but go slowly, step by step. If she shows attraction, then you can continue, but if she ignores you or try to be a friend cut that. Love is not a game, and whenever you really love someone you won't forget her/him for the rest of your life, you will live with it. Most people after NC rule they move on, some do it cause they still can not solve the problems with their exes and moving on is always easier you can find a fresh relationship but the question is will you do the same mistakes? Or will it work this time?
I don't believe NC rules and timing is to forget things, definitely it is the time you need to think and discover yourself and also see what you really want. Was it you or her? Who needs more help? Did you do things wrong. I have a situation like you, but after 5 months and so and after a year living abroad, I still think of her, I love her all the way, I came to abroad to work to make a future for myself and her I have been in a relationship for 4 years. But there is a huge difference in my age and hers I am 27 she is 20. She calls me sometimes even I tried NC rule for 25 days then she began to call me asking me where I am , but then things gone back to the same way it is like she does not want me to be her boyfriend but she needs me as a friend? Well I will go back to NC rule again but honestly I do this so she can find out what she really wants, she misses me we still have great stuff to talk but I want to marry her, anyway I guess time will change everything and no matter what people say, if you really want something you need to get it. And remember love is a valuable thing, SO if you really really love this girl, try to be your best and then everything will continue in the best way.

mmresd · Jun 15, 2012, 05:13 PM

The mistake was to pick up the phone call. The point of NC is not for her to come back, it is for you to get over the relationship. Picking up that phone call only sets you back on the progress you had already made, even if it seems small. Go no contact again, this time forever, move on, time will heal you, and when you meet someone else concentrate on your relationship in a positive way so you don't have to go through this again. Keep in mind though, that if you do, that is OKAY!