[stephaniecon]

Okay I'm a dark Hispanic pretty girl that fell in love with a white Christian guy. We started as friends and we clicked so well , for 4 years we had been talking. 3 years into our relationship we both had more feelings towards each other hed talk about me in his state Id talk about him in my state we met online . He and his family are baptist Christians and thet aren't open minded at all in minded in mixing. He was daring he came and visited me and things became more serious, he gave me my first kiss and so I was hooked. We spent a lot of time with each other , so he came again . I'll admit I wasn't perfect additude wise and I've apologized for everything bad I've ever said. I notice a change he wasn't so open in sharing anymore and I'd fine myself telling my secrets more. Well I fell in love with him the visits made things stronger , but his family didn't want to know anything of me , he told me he never felt comfortable to speak with them about me because they would ridley seem with drawn. I hated the fact that he couldn't separate his feelings with his family from his. He told me a couple of family members kept reminding him he wanted a Christian girl all along. I was brought up to be Christian but it wasn't to. His standards he THen called me one day to say its over but sounded confused at the same time , I never got to even become his girlfriend I feel his family swayed him away from me , but I always knew he didn't have enough in him to make a decision, he's brought up before the topics of other girls but things changed when I gave him his groove back (visits) , he's a shy guy but gym and his intimate experience with me is making him open of a new love interest who he could do things with that isn't miles away , I feel used , we didn't go as far as you think but it was enough and still no girlfriend title, he now says he's fine with being friends but he seems like he's avoiding me now for its become way harder to reach him then it was before. I can't believe I've been used and dumped and from a Christian guy the last I suspect, I never had a boyfriend or went out with a guy seeking a real life fairytale when I got involved with him. I always told him I loved him he wouldn't say it back. But how he told me before how mesmorized he was of me I just figure he was just shy of
Saying because of his family. Were both older than 20 so were young adults. My question is its hurting me its been two months of this weird relationship and he tells me to move on an forget about him, I always told him he needed to be more firm with. His decisions but now he's found it in trying to end things. Honestly it doesn't make sense. Is he worth Pursuing they say its possible to get back together in articles, or am I wasting my time? Get back to me readers thank you for your time.

My question is

[N0help4u]

You said, but I always knew he didn't have enough in him to make a decision, so you knew deep down this could happen but you made the decision to see where it lead.
So I really wouldn't say you were used. His parents and his values just got a stronger hold on him. He may have really wanted a relationship with you but couldn't see past his family and Christian ties.

Even Christians can get caught uo in their desires and lose perspective of their goals and values. He may have reevaluated what he wants in life and didn't see how it could happen with you. You would have to ask him what changed his mind and that you feel he turned on you and ask him why.

[I wish]

He already told you to move on. So he's already let you go. You can try to get him back, but if he doesn't want to come back, then you can't force you.

You had your good times together, but it's time to move on. The problems with first serious relationships is that people don't know the signs of when it's time to move on.

[stephaniecon]

Thank you both for writing your opinions! I greatly appreciate it. I understand its time for me to move , I just tend to replay our moments like their happening. I never thought I'd be in this position I thoght I'd be smarter than that. But honestly thank you both. As for the first answer he claims he lost interest because I wasn't that "Christian" at the moment. And he doesn't like touching upon that topic, of answering why he changed the script, he told me he was trying suppress himself from feeling anything towards me and now he's not feeling me. I just feel like its wasted time effort and feelings. And for abs two thank you for letting me know that I should be more aware of the signs of breaking up. I just had a couple of no good guys and told him and expected being my best friend turned in to likers would not dissapoint me like that but it was worst . Should I delete him from my myspace? I know he prob still has pics of me that's the weird part its like we can't fully shake off each other or if I at least do I'd prob feel guilty if maybe, or am I driving myself mad. Should I get rid or wait till he gets rid of me, which would probably make me upset if he has last word I'm stuck I know he's intrested in a younger now , I will def move on just help a sister out with the new questions

[zippit]

I think you need to make more "real" relationships
Myspace and emails and texting are all good ways to get to know someone but it never takes the place of seeing someone face to face

I also think you jumped in too quick you said he didn't returned the "I LOVE YOU" that must
Have been awkward.
From past experience I learned that girls who say that quickly and then don't get it in return tend to keep saying it thinking "maybe hell return it this time" until its just beaten down and has become too much of a point.and it obviously hurt you that he didn't return it because you mention it in your post.

As far as "christian" and parents there is a chance he's using that as excuses

[stephaniecon]

Thank you answer 3 ! Ive had a feeling he was using both as an excuse , he wasn't that open to be fully honest . Thank you for your insight!

[zippit]

Worrying about who has the last word?

Pics in myspace?

The stuff will take care of itself

Concentrate on how your going to get over this

In the best way for you with the least amount

Of damage so you can prepare yourself for

A stronger,happier relationship in the future

[talaniman]

Whether it was good, or bad, no relationship is a waste, there is always something to learn from them.

[stephaniecon]

Threads merged for the entire story


I can stand the way my life is going. I try to move on but its extremely difficult probably readers by now know my life story lol but I can't afford a therapist. I will apreciate any feedback thank you in advanced. Its 3 months and I can't believe how affected I am. It's a huge deal for me because Ive always been the one to give my girls advice and identify their problems quick and vowed never to end up as pathetic as they handled that situation but it bit me in the... Before I can realize it. My friends would date guys who mistreated them, ignored them , used them and etc, but sometimes it want that bad because they'd do the same back to other individuals. I was brought up to be a well mannered Christian girl making me an outcast to many I've come across so I rebeled a bit and lost my will to be a devoted church goer. All though I made this choice I kept what was important to me which were my morals which my girls lacked. They got guys easily and I was always the loner. I'm still friends with them today and they've deff been through more relationships but I don't trust their opinions because I think I'm better off with more sane opinions no offense. No one is perfect I know but my theory on life is you shouldn't get advice from someone's else who is in a worst perdicament or one in which you simply don't like their placement in life right now. Selfesteem is huge I don't want to listen to a person who has low selfesteem , I tend to lose readers lol because I have tons on my mind and I'm just trying to show people my point of view on things. Ive literally been doing all kinds of research trying to understand life , people, bible , etc. My searches have helped but not as greatly as I hoped. Imma passive aggressive person but when I get mad I go mad "hulk" :) but overall I'm nice I just see things in a negative light because constant situations give me no hope to look forward to things. Well I been friends with a Christian male who has been great and things got better once we got flirty and touchy I never been so excited he didn't cure my life but he managed to make things brighter.my family knew about him some met him, and being raised in a home with guys it was hard to express my likes of a male, it wasn't excepted nor expected. Ive been teased about being a lesbian most of my life for always being dateless so when this guy came he brought the cure to end these horrendous accusations. I spoke about him , he called me everyday, hed say the darnedest things that were sweet. I understood him and he did me , both being brought up alike in religion , other than his family being a bit racist we were both in tune together. He very much so had potential to be the man I wanted to be with all my life but he started acting funny once I brought up the topic of committing. Every time he spoke with his family there was a new reason as to why we couldn't work , I've never given him the title of a man because he could never make up his mind with me. He'd tell me he thought about I'd everyday to co workers and FAM but his mom wouldn't ever acknowledge us. I can only think bad about him now on how he's become a total stranger in the end avoiding me at all costs , his conclusion to the breakup was that he wasn't going to wait for me to change and become "Christian" and he wants to keep options open. It makes no sense he was dedicated and I was too , I can't help but to think his mother had something to do with it. B/c when he made the decision he just finish visiting his moms. And now I'm stuck I put total trust in him I feel scarred , being in the same perdicament as my friends. I thought I would never end up this way. He never became my boyfriend , I put myself on the line emotionaly and sexually. Betrayed to the core by life, Ive always been a little negative but now I can't think of anything that doesn't involve negativity. Tv shows, movies, couples , the movies we seen together, the spot where he dropped me off home and gave me a goodbye kiss, the Marriott hotel all reminds me of the heart broken disaster and it seems like the celiene dion song plays over and over " all by myself". My friends are gone I seem to have more enemys than ever in my own household as well. Its embarasing because now I face my family with no prince charming another unfortunate story of a young girl who fell for a guy cause she was naïve. My reputation ruined , " total slut". Angel turned into lucifer this heart break goes beyond "us" I feel its damaged me. Ppl don't think I will do damage to myself over a boy never. I just feel lower than I've been. I try to forget but it comes back my mother gives me advice but how can I take advice from her when she looks at me like a disgrace. I have talent in the arts but I just don't feel inspired anymore, I don't feel like doing much I just care about having affection , I feel like I lost a good man for me. I tried to date others but it doesn't work out, because my mind is either still on him, or my personality took a break and hid under a rug, or they just don't care to make a bond so it makes me feel like they care to get a quick joy ride then leave. I'm stuck at home reading and not doing anything outgoing because I lost thrill to things. I guess you can say I'm waiting for life and time to make things better for me. I'd be happy if he reached good senses and call me again , so we can resume to the way things were. But I know it won't happen , especially since I read in everything I did in trying to get him back I did. My question is= how can I get over him ? Throw out the thoughts of the good times and the normal things I face that I have no control of to stop reminding me of what was? Should I not judge myself as harsh as I am doing, and as harsh as my family is? I tried the positive and negative route when it comes to him neither has work. I need a new outlook on this situation before I grow numb. Thank you for taking your time out to read this! Stephanie apreciates you!

[talaniman]

My question is= how can I get over him

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, and see if you don't get some insights into your situation. There is a link in my signature, if you have a problem finding them.