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    MamaBear1030's Avatar
    MamaBear1030 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Aug 11, 2009, 10:19 AM
    My father-in-law is dying
    I need some advice. My husband is in Afghanistan and will be home soon. His sister just told me that his dad has stage 4 cancer and they are giving him 6 months. I've never had to deliver this kind of news before and don't know how to tell him about his dad. Can someone please help me?

    Thanks,

    Shannon
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Aug 11, 2009, 10:33 AM

    Shannon, you have to be the bearer of sad news, I feel for you. Why do you have to be, why not his sister ? I would think that would be better still.

    Anyway, you will find the strength when the time comes. Just take a deep breath, speak from the heart and let him know softly. You will have to have strong arms and a big hug.

    Tick
    MamaBear1030's Avatar
    MamaBear1030 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Aug 11, 2009, 11:21 AM

    Thank you, Tick. Unfortunately, I have to do it. His sister lives 250 miles away and I don't want him to hear it over the phone. After I tell him, we have to make plans to go see him. Thanks again for your advice.

    Shannon
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #4

    Aug 11, 2009, 11:31 AM

    Be as sensitive and empathetic as possible. Chances are he won't remember the words that you used to tell him, but he will remember the hugs and "I'm sorry's" and most importantly the fact that you were there for him during this time.

    So tell him gently, and then tell him that you guys are going to go see him.
    MamaBear1030's Avatar
    MamaBear1030 Posts: 15, Reputation: 2
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    #5

    Aug 11, 2009, 11:58 AM
    Thanks for the advise. That helps a lot.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
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    #6

    Aug 11, 2009, 12:06 PM

    Glad it helps!
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #7

    Aug 11, 2009, 12:09 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma View Post
    Be as sensitive and empathetic as possible. Chances are he won't remember the words that you used to tell him, but he will remember the hugs and "I'm sorry's" and most importantly the fact that you were there for him during this time.

    .
    Chi, that was wonderful sensitive advice

    Tick
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #8

    Aug 12, 2009, 06:39 PM

    I just want to let you know that the American Red Cross can be of help if your husband needs to get home to see his father due to this situation. They can also help to get sensitive information to mililtary personnel who are deployed, in a thoughtful and caring manner and in-person, if you have concerns about telling him this over the phone. It's been a while since I was with the Red Cross, but I'd suggest you give them a call and see how they might be able to help you at no cost.

    I am sorry for this difficult news, and thank your husband and your entire family for the sacrifices you are making on behalf of all of us.
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