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giggle_monster · Aug 4, 2009, 02:41 PM

I like this guy, he has blonde hair and blue eyes. He is an actor but it's not just a crush. He is 23 I think. My cousin said he's to old. My friend said that maybe when I'm an adult I should go after him. He doesn't know that I like him or how old I am. He hasn't asked me out yet and I don't think he will. I asked him to be friends. He hasn't really replied yet. I'm not trying to get him into trouble because the reason I want to know if it is wrong for a 16 year old to go out with a 23 year old is because I was going to ask a 23 year old out, but if it's wrong then I won't. I'm in an emotional reck. Will someone help me?

jmjoseph · Aug 4, 2009, 02:43 PM

Yes, it is wrong. Find someone your own age.

Silverfoxkit · Aug 4, 2009, 02:47 PM

Yes, it is wrong. You two are on completely different levels of maturity right now, both mentally and physically. For him to have a relationship with you while you are still a legal minor could jeopardize his entire life and future. You should listen to your friend and wait until you are a few years older.

s_cianci · Aug 4, 2009, 03:00 PM

It's not "wrong", in the strictest sense, to simply "go out" with him as in keeping company with each other. But there are a few obstacles in your way. First of all, do/would your parents approve? I can't be sure because I don't know them but if I had to make an educated guess I'd say no, they wouldn't. Secondly, as a minor you're still subject to curfew laws whereas he isn't, so you could not be in each other's company past a certain hour ; it varies by locality. Lastly, you're 7 years apart in age, so, in most US states anyhow, you're what's known as "jail bait" in "guy speak", meaning that any sexual intimacy between you (which could conceivably be as little as making out with each other) land him in jail on charges of statutory rape. Really, your best bet is to just wait 2 more years, then you're in the clear.

Avasean · Aug 4, 2009, 03:02 PM

I completely agree with Silverfoxkit!

He's too old. If he were to accept you request to date, he isn't concerned with what could happen if he were to get caught. If he isn't concerned with that, then he isn't concerned about you and what you would go through if you were caught.

Silverfoxkit · Aug 4, 2009, 04:15 PM

It's not "wrong", in the strictest sense, to simply "go out" with him as in keeping company with each other. But there are a few obstacles in your way. First of all, do/would your parents approve? I can't be sure because I don't know them but if I had to make an educated guess I'd say no, they wouldn't. Secondly, as a minor you're still subject to curfew laws whereas he isn't, so you could not be in each other's company past a certain hour ; it varies by locality. Lastly, you're 7 years apart in age, so, in most US states anyhow, you're what's known as "jail bait" in "guy speak", meaning that any sexual intimacy between you (which could conceivably be as little as making out with each other) land him in jail on charges of statutory rape. Really, your best bet is to just wait 2 more years, then you're in the clear.

Exactly. The thing is no matter how innocent the relationship may start, simply hanging out from a hand hold to a slight cuddle as relationships progress so do hormones and certain desires that will only end you both in hot water. You may swear to yourselves to remain innocent until you are of age but one in the heat of the moment incident, just one before you are legal can put him on a petofile list that will haunt him for the rest of his life. No matter how smart or educated he is, tack that title on and the job opportunities will vanish. His life will be in ruins. If you care about this guy at all you will wait a few years.

Romefalls19 · Aug 4, 2009, 07:21 PM

Yep, find someone your own age

Jordan Christin · Aug 4, 2009, 10:19 PM

Well it's not wrong but they have probably been through a lot more then you have. And if he were to go out with you he could probably force you to do things with him. But you should find someone your own age who will be going through the same things you are and plus you have your whole life ahead of you before you should be trying to get older guys, there will be plenty of time for that later

talaniman · Aug 5, 2009, 03:26 PM

Its wrong, what do you think your parents will say, or worse do to the guy when they find out his age? Nothing good, I bet.

ScottGem · Aug 5, 2009, 03:31 PM

Being "wrong" can be a matter of opinion. In my opinion it is wrong for a 23 yr old to date a 16 yr old. Notice the order I put that in. I suspect if you do ask him out, he will rebuff you. Because he knows that he may get in legal trouble for having sex with you and at 23 he is probably not interested in a relationship that wouldn't include sex.

giggle_monster · Aug 9, 2009, 05:53 PM

Yea but what if the 23 year old doesn't do anything phisical with the 16 year old. What if 16year old kisses the 23 year old? In a way I can see it's wrong but if the 23 year old sweared or promissed,and don't break that promiss, to not do anything phisical to the 16 year old then it might be OK. What if the 16 year old can't find anyguy her age, cause no guy my age likes me?

Torrid13 · Aug 9, 2009, 05:59 PM

Don't bother trying to rationalize a fantasy relationship.

I would find it completely disturbing for a 23 year old to be interested in a 16 year old. That would be like me dating one of my 12 year old brother's friends.

It's disturbing, illegal, and even if you "did" have a "relationship," it wouldn't last, because of the maturity difference, for one, and because you don't know what to look for in stable, healthy relationships yet.

So. Find someone in your own age group. It's a much easier road to travel at your age.

J_9 · Aug 9, 2009, 06:00 PM

Life is full of what if's. But we can't live by them.

A 23 year old is in a different life stage than a 16 year old.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 9, 2009, 06:03 PM

A 23 year old will not be happy without more than handolding normally.

But any 23 year old that would want to date a 16 year is nearly a pediphile.

Loi13 · Aug 10, 2009, 04:19 AM

On top of a 16 year old dating a 23 year old being illegal, I would also like to add another issue- Is it possible this guy doesn't like you? You said that he hasn't asked you out and probably won't. You also said you asked him to be friends, and he didn't reply. It sounds like he's just too afraid to say, "No".
I think the book, He's Just Not that Into You would help.
It's unfortunate, but most crushes just aren't meant to be anything more than that, crushes.

giggle_monster · Aug 11, 2009, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Loi13

On top of a 16 year old dating a 23 year old being illegal, I would also like to add another issue- Is it possible this guy doesn't like you? You said that he hasn't asked you out and probably won't. You also said you asked him to be friends, and he didn't reply. It sounds like he's just too afraid to say, "No".
I think the book, He's Just Not that Into You would help.
It's unfortunate, but most crushes just aren't meant to be anything more than that, crushes.

"what i meant was the reason he hasn't asked an probably won't is cause he don't know i like like him. the reason i said he did't reply to me asking to be friends is cause he is an actor and i wrote him a note and sent it through the mail." the what if I can't get anyone my age question is still out there.

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 11, 2009, 11:20 AM

VERY wrong. He could go to jail if there was an sexual contact, if you really like him then wait until you are 18 to make a move.

You said he's an actor, is this someone that you have actually met? Is he pretty famous? Hopefully he is a responsible adult, and if so would say no to you immediately.

ScottGem · Aug 11, 2009, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by giggle_monster

the what if i can't get anyone my age question is still out there.

You wait. You are young, you have your life ahead of you. Don't be desperate at 16.

And don't put a 23 yr old in such an uncomfortable position of having to reject you.

giggle_monster · Aug 11, 2009, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You wait. You are young, you have your life ahead of you. Don't be desparate at 16.

And don't put a 23 yr old in such an uncomfortable position of having to reject you.

What do you mean by me putting a 23 yr old in such an uncomfortable position to reject me? Maybe I'll wait until I'm 18.

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 11, 2009, 11:33 AM

He means, it's not fun to reject someone. Especially if a child is making advances or offers, it's uncomfortable.

Waiting until you are 18 is a great idea. I can almost guarantee you will have different taste in men when you are 18 and won't be interested in him any longer.